----- Is the choice of our spouse predestined -----

 Answers by HH Romapada Swami


Is the choice of our spouse predestined by karma (are marriages made in “heaven”)? Is it predestined by God? Does my free-will have a role in such a choice?

If I like one person and am neutral towards another, how do I make a decision that is best? Should I simply surrender to God and let God decide - is such surrender cowardice or escapism? If God will make a decision, how does God decide in such situations - will God take my preferences into account?


At every step, freewill has a bearing upon one’s destiny. The range of choices in various situations of life, including marriage, is defined by Karma - both past and present (i.e. actions and choices made in past and present life), and yet there is scope for redefining those choices by our present actions.

Krishna does not directly involve Himself in arranging the details of karmic events in everyone’s life. As stated in the Gita (BG 9.9, BG 13.23) — including those who want material enjoyment — He is seated in their heart as though neutral, witnessing and permitting the soul’s material enjoyment as well as sufferings that result from their own choices. Under His sanction, material nature awards the due results of their desires and actions, as they deserve.

But for those who want to become His surrendered devotee, Krishna personally orchestrates their life and guides their decisions in such a way that will bring them closer to Him. (Bg 10.10) Thus, He may bless His devotee with a marriage situation which will be conducive to spiritual progress.

In short, the Lord’s reciprocation in guiding our life depends on our predisposition or inner purpose, and not necessarily the particular preferences and choices.

Regarding making the decision on who to marry, certainly it is nice to be surrendered to the Lord’s direction, but surrender does not dictate absolute passivity. While sincerely praying for the Lord’s guidance and inspiration, you can at the same time actively make considerations based on your personal nature, compatibility and needs. In the same spirit, you should also seek counsel from experienced grihasthas who know your nature well, and who can take your attention beyond superficial attractions and aversions to help make a wise decision.

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    • we get the choice of choosing because we desire to choose our life partner. discrimination is always to be used and amrita mataji husbands are not like coockies packets which will comes at our plate and say , will you like to have one, no not at all, discrimination is to be used. the only thing i can say is that a husband and wife should have pyschological affinity and intelectual parity between them, till that time we should always explore the option to choose. jai shree radhe shyamsundar. hope it clarifies
  • Can i just infer that what ever we do just surrender to Krishna and MOVE ON........when we are unaware of what is going to happen

    I guess "situations in which we are in" is destined.....and our free will is only there for passing through that situation..

    Correct me if i am wrong and give me your valuable thoughts on the same
    • first of all we dont do anything, we jsut desire, its only the 3 modes of nature that facilitates everything.yes surrender to krishna means, what comes by own accord we should be happy and what does not comes we should be hankering. brahma bhuta level , no hankering no lamentation, only action that too out of sense of duty without expectation of result. this way karma will not bind us .
  • Can you please explain the meaning of term "Superficial attractions" and "aversions"....how do we differentiate between superficial attraction and reality..

    Prompt response would be appreciated
    • superficial things means not looking for the value what a woman hold inside her, infact just going mad bcz of looks or other material things. liking asking for dowry etc,.its only by observing words, action and thought ,a true picture can be inferred. these are my personal opinion only.
  • yes, i think everything is pre destined, incuding our spouse and family. Bt mahraj has pointed out correctly that we shud not go for superficial attractions and aversions.
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