Hare Krishna Prabhu Jis and Mata Jis
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Recently I have been having intrusive thoughts which is disturbing and hindering me from devotion.
All were good. Recently I engaged myself more into reading Bhagavatam and sharing my learning with my near ones.
Like never before, I am getting bad intrusive thoughts about Lord. I feel very guilty and depressed.
Whenever I think about the Lord these thoughts come up but if I am doing or thinking something materialistic the thought never at all comes up!!
I am unable to control the mind regarding that thought. I try all I can to explain my mind not to think as it is false and offensive and tell the opulences and glories of Lord.
I feel like there are three parts of mine. One giving me offensive thoughts, a depressed me and one saying me what to do when I feel confused. (I know I am a soul but I don't know who this I, me, myself is).
Still whenever I think of the Lord, see any video or post of devotees, it comes up. I do not want to be offensive to Lord and want to grow in serving him.
Please guide me in this. I really need your guidance.
Jai Shree Radhe Krishna
Replies
Hare Krishna,
Can you specific what type of intrusive thoughts you get. Because they are many types. If you can tell clearly.
hare krishna
Hare Krishna.
Usually Blasphemous. As soon as I chant the Lord's name, it subsides but later it comes up.
Due to guilt, I sometimes doubt and fear whether the Lord is upset on my actions. The thoughts are unconscious but I don't know whether I am offending the Lord.
Jay Shree Radhe Krishna
Hare Krishna Prabhu,
But why would you blaspheme Lord? Do you scold him and say.. " Do you really exist?" why am I like this?" why these people around me are like this?" Do you really have eyes to see my problems?" Are you just a stone?' <<< in this way are you scolding Lord.
What kind of problems are you facing to blaspheming Lord. Are you facing financial loss, or no career, or no family life or no health. What is ur problem and how do you abuse my Lord.? heheh.
Let me go to the root of ur problem. Don't think otherwise. If we find the root we can remove the problem itself clearly from your system.
hare krishna
Hare Krishna.
I am not blaspheming God consciously.
Frankly, I can sense 3 sounds. I will be really grateful to know what these three are.
One is myself, I am conscious of my speaking. I am conscious what I just said or think consciously.
Second is the sound which sometimes blaspheming the Lord or devotees. This sound is comes up unconsciously like CROPS UP ALL OF SUDDEN JUST LIKE, COMING IN MIDDLE OF LINE AND I AM LIKE HEY WHY MAN??!! Blaspheming is not like a set of sentences and emotions or criticizing. I am praying O all powerful Lord and this is like He is a person. Shree Radhe is a girl. AND whenever this sound comes I am sitting with hands over head. Trying to explain myself all I have read and realized about the Lord. This evil one comes when any temptation comes, someone is rude with me and this sound judges him.
Third sound is whom settles me. It says all I learnt from Gita (Hey saying and doing something while feeling something else is cheating yourself; worrying without doing your work is not meaningful) , gives logical decision and reasons. Basically guides me whenever I am confused.
Don't know among all this who is ego, mind, intelligence, soul. But yes one of the three is the conscience me.
This thoughts were not before. Recently I started sharing what I am learning about the Lord in Gita with near ones and do Ekadashi Vrat which I am really happy of. I was feeling very good and then this evil sound started coming up.
Hope I didn't confuse you.
Jai Shree Radhe Krishna
Hare Krishna,
As per whatever you said. I tried to analyse.
1st person is your MIND +false ego.. Mind who is conscious of your body and external surroundings, your speech.
2nd person is you intelligience+ false ego who is discriminating people .. juding them.. who is right who is wrong.
3rd person is the Supersoul or Parmatma who is guiding.
Pls. only accept the 3rd. person's advices and just ignore the other two.
Hare Krishna.
Hare Krishna
Sure Thank you.
Jai Shree Radhe Krishna