Hare Krishna,
PAMHO,
I have been served in ISKCON for 5 years in a temple just like a full time. I had quit my study and tried to surrender.
But now i quit from ISKCON, now I don't even chant 16 rounds just follow Ekadashi and other rules and sometimes i use to listen to lectures of Premanand Maharaj ji.
I quit from ISKCON because of the situations and pain given to me by Krishna i have heard in a most of lectures that Krishna devotees will have to suffer more pain but whatever i have being suffered is too much. I felt that i was being a problem for few devotees in temple. And because of me, ISKCON temple had loss of 2.5 lakh rupees. I couldn't even returned and i wish i could but i don't know even i could return or not in future. So i quit ISKCON with my own decesion.
For now, I have nothing. Even after 4 years since i quit ISKCON Krishna still dragging me into such painful situations. I had even tried again and again and again to get earning source... when i am about to get on 99% done a work then some miracle happens and the task gets failed again and again and again and again and again... Now, it became a habbit to face this. And I have trust in Krishna but in other way. I have full trust in Krishna that he won't give me what i want and he won't stop whatever is happening to me. Maybe he is enjoying whatever i am going through to. I would be happy to getting suffered if Krishna pleases by this but only If he isolates me somewhere too far.
But now, It's impossible to tolerate these situations. My age is 25 now, People are talking about my marriage (Forcing me to get married). It's like i am standing on the edge of the mountain and if Krishna drags me into a painful situation once again then i will fall down.....I couldn't survive.... I will give up...... I will quit..... Because its easy to give up before marriage. But If i get married then giving up won't be an option. I KNOW about 84 lakh yonies that i would have to suffer but still this is not toleratable. After listening many lectures from ISKCON i loss interest in material world, I lost interest in people, family, etc. So i feel that getting married is also not an option for me And i don't even want to.
And, I am feeling that very soon Krishna will drag me into the same situation again.
If this would happen again then i would have no other option. I hope at least after that Krishna will look at me.
I have no idea what to say, what to do...
Hare Krishna,
Your Servent,
A Fallen Soul
Replies
Call me. send me mail on my inbox. I will give you my number.
If you let your misconceptions (like Krisna enjoying your suffering; He has much better things to do) guide your decisions, that's a sure recipe for failure.
For a start, you need to talk to someone near you whom you trust and who knows you well.
Hari Hari
ys J.
Take diksha..with power of guru pradatta mantra situation will change. But make sure u take diksha from right guru, where after diksha u get taste in chanting and ur lust n anger reduces. If you get diksha from somewhere whos not perfect and self-realised, you will not get taste in chanting and ur lust will increase.