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Hare Krsna all dear devotees, 

Please accept my Humble Obeisances and forgive me for any and all vaishnava aparadhas.

My name is Madhav Khanna and I am a 17yo student in Canada.

Before trying to walk the path of Bhakti, I was engaged in all sorts of terrible activities. Since then (nearly 2.5 years), I have stopped and keep on gradually improving. 

However, I am not able to get rid of my laziness, which affects my ability to study and makes me irritated as I think that seva to ThakurJi is taking up all time, but in reality itsmy own tendencies.

So yesterday, my parents called me to spend some time with them and I was frustrated with myself and wanted to take it out on Krsna. 

Due to past tendencies (sanskaras), I was about to say a very very very bad curse word that was meant at both Mother Yashoda and Krsna. 

However, as soon as I said the first letter, I immediately stopped, and while going to put Thakur Ji to sleep that night, I felt extreme regret and fear. 

But I am really torn. If I was about to say a bad word to Sri Krsna and Srimati Yashoda Maiya, but stopped as soon as I began without completing the formulation of the word,will it still count as a Vaishnav Aparadh?

If so, how do I get rid of this? As I feel that I have insulted every single woman who worships Sri Krishna as her son, and I feel I have direcly offended Sri Krsna as well.

I am very mentally torn. I do not usually say or do these kinds of offenses, but I don't know what overcame me yesterday.

But the thing is even when I look at Thakur Ji today, for some reason He doesn't appear angry or off at me because I know we can sense that sometimes.  Iam very confused regarding my situation. Pls help me.

Please help protect this fallen soul's Bhakti, in whatever amount I might have accumulated.

Your fallen servant, Madhav Khanna.