How to overcome hatred

Hare Krishna


I would like to admit something.

There are some people around me whom I absolutely hate !!!! They are mean and very very very bad (this is my opinion) 

The point is - How do you overcome this hatred. I read somewhere, if you hate someone, serve him/her. Honestly, in my current low level of consciousness, I am not willing to do it.

Please help. I don't want to be spending my precious time thinking how bad those persons are, but unfortunately I am doing that right now - a lot !!!!

I would like to forgive and move ahead, but I just don't know how !!!

Also, a very bad thought comes to mind - I think to myself, Krishna will handle it. While in my mind I kind of hope, they will suffer for bad actions done to me - which I realize is bad !!! It is like if Krishna punishes them I will be happy, but if not - I will think why Krishna helped them.

I am a fallen soul Prabhujis and Matajis. Kindly show me the path.

 - Hare Krishna

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  • Dear Mataji

    Hatred, greed, lust etc vices are in most of us, I can speak of myself, like you I too struggle in my day to day life to deal with negetive emotions, thoughts..when they over power me, I turn to Krishna and humbly, sincerely beg him to help me...I say..Lord I dont have the strength on my own to overcome these thoughts..please help me, guide me,,,purify me with your causeless mercy and grace... this plus chanting mahamatra has made my life better... :))

    Hari bol

    your servant

  • Volunteer

    Hare Krsna,
    My obeisances to all devotees, guru and gauranga.

    The Root of Anger

    by Arcana-siddhi Devi Dasi

    A therapist draws on Lord Krishna’s teachings to help a child control his rage.

    The hospital room smells strongly of antiseptic as I walk in. Chris sits on his bed, immersed in rapidly pushing buttons with his thumbs.

    “Nintendo?” I ask nonchalantly, breaking his concentration.

    “Play Station,” he replies, continuing to madly push buttons.

    I sit in a chair next to his bed, observing his strategy for blowing things up.

    After a couple of minutes, Chris slams the game paddle to the floor.

    “I hate this game,” he snarls, with a few expletives thrown in.

    Instinctively I reply, “Hmm, sounds like you’re really angry.”

    My statement of the obvious sounds ludicrous to both of us. Chris ignores me. He covers his head with the bed sheet and mumbles to himself.

    I feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to say to draw him out. Chris is an eleven-year-old boy I’ve been working with in mental-health therapy for the past year. He has a history of explosive, raging outbursts. Recently he kicked a brick wall so hard he broke the femur in his right leg. Now he’s confined to a hospital bed with pins in his leg.

    I make another feeble attempt to connect to him.

    “Anger is a powerful feeling. Looks like we need to explore new ways for you to control it, rather than it control you.”

    After enduring a few more minutes of silence, I decide to try a different approach.

    “I brought you some cookies,” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

    At this, he peers out from under the sheet and asks, “What kind?”

    Relieved to hear some response, I reply “Peanut butter.”

    He puts his hand out, and I place the cookies in it. Both he and the cookies disappear under the sheet. The muted sound of his munching fills the sterile room.

    Losing Control

    Since Chris and I began working on his anger, he has learned to identify things that trigger it. Getting teased at school makes him furious and inspired him to kick the brick wall. He has also learned to recognize that when he loses control, his fists and teeth clench and he feels flushed. He has developed a repertoire of positive ways to deal with his anger: walking away, positive self-talk, running around the block, visualizing a peaceful place. Despite this arsenal of anger-management skills, he still fails to control his anger in real-life situations.

    Because I’m a long-time student of Bhagavad- gita, Chris’s problem reminds me of the verse in which Lord Krishna tells His friend and disciple Arjuna that anger comes from lust. People generally think of lust as sexual longing. But Lord Krishna’s definition of lust extends to any ungodly desire to gratify the senses.

    Lord Krishna further explains that although the senses require a certain amount of satisfaction, unless regulated they become like wild horses, forcing one to obey their whims. Craving the objects of their satisfaction, the senses take control of the mind and intelligence, leading to frustration and anger when their impossible demands go unmet. From this anger, Krishna continues, delusion arises, and from delusion, bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, human intelligence is lost, leaving one in a hell of irrational behavior.

    Anger in Littleton

    Modern society is full of people plagued with sensual addictions. When such people can’t satisfy their urges, they become frustrated and anger takes control. As a result, we are currently witnessing unprecedented acts of violence throughout society. Even our middle-class suburban schools have been victimized by a rash of killings perpetrated by children from their own communities.

    On April 20, 1999, two students of Columbine High School in affluent Littleton, Colorado, opened fire on their fellow students, killing eleven and injuring many more. For the climax of their orchestrated massacre, the boys shot and killed themselves.

    Like my client Chris, the Littleton boys had experienced peer rejection. One of them had graduated from an anger- management class. Still, rather than seek out ways to be accepted, they chose to retaliate with vengeance. They identified with hate groups and then planned a diabolical scheme to persecute those they imagined had smitten them.

    This is a modern illustration of the Gita’s timeless words: a thwarted desire for adoration and distinction emotionally evolves from lust to anger, then to delusion, and finally to insanity.

    Graduates of the study of the Bhagavad-gita go on to the Srimad-Bhagavatam. The Bhagavatam narrates several accounts of how anger bewildered the intelligence of even great personalities. Once Durvasa Muni, a powerful yogi, approached the palace of Ambarisha Maharaja, a saintly king and exalted devotee of the Lord. Ambarisha prepared a reception with sumptuous food for Durvasa. As was the custom, before accepting his meal Durvasa went to bathe in the river. While bathing, the mystic Durvasa entered a yogic trance and stayed in the water for some time.

    King Ambarisha had been observing a religious fast, and the proper time to break his fast was approaching. Not wanting to offend Durvasa by accepting his own meal before feeding his guest, Ambarisha Maharaja drank a little water—an action that simultaneously breaks and does not break one’s fast.

    By his yogic abilities, Durvasa came to know of this perceived transgression. Thinking the king’s action disrespectful, Durvasa became insulted, and to retaliate he went before Ambarisha with angry words. He then invoked a fiery demon meant to destroy the king. But Lord Krishna protected His devotee Ambarisha and released His razor-sharp disc weapon towards Durvasa. After fleeing for his life, Durvasa came to his senses and realized how his pride and lust for adoration and distinction had provoked his needless wrath. Understanding the ramifications of his anger, Durvasa Muni fell at the feet of Maharaja Ambarisha and received forgiveness.

    Anger as a Symptom

    There are rare instances where anger is spiritually appropriate, provoked by injustices against the Lord and His devotees. Most anger, however, is a negative emotion manifested from frustrated attempts to enjoy sensually in the material world. Such anger must be checked and controlled. Teaching people anger-management skills can help. Chris sometimes successfully avoided confrontation by remembering to use them.

    But as fever is a symptom of some disease in the body, anger is a symptom of ongoing material hankerings. Just as treating fever alone will not cure the disease, treating anger without understanding it to be a symptom of lust will not extinguish the unwanted behavior. To conquer anger, we must first ask how we shall conquer lust.

    The Srimad-Bhagavatam describes many persons who conquered lust and were unaffected by anger. Foremost among them is Prahlada Maharaja. At the age of five, Prahlada, a selfrealized devotee, had no interest in worldly gain—just the opposite of his lusty, atheistic father, Hiranyakashipu. In time, the godless Hiranyakashipu began to look upon his saintly son as an enemy and plotted to kill him.

    Although harassed in various ways by his father, Prahlada never became angry with him. The Lord, however, appeared as Nrisimhadeva and killed Hiranyakashipu. Afterwards, He offered a benediction to Prahlada, who, being self-satisfied in love of God, asked only that his evil father be liberated from his sins.

    To be free of any negative emotions towards a person who tries to kill you may seem impossible. Yet a pure soul sees things differently. Pure devotees of God know they are spiritual beings, separate from the material body, and they see others in the same way. They understand how karma forces everyone to act according to a particular conditioned nature. They have full faith that the Lord is orchestrating everything and that He will protect them. Self-realized souls such as Prahlada are satisfied, so they don’t need to exploit anything or anyone.

    While this portrait of a pure soul may seem foreign, it is nevertheless our actual nature. Layers of dirt may cover gold, but when thoroughly cleansed the gold resumes its brilliance. Similarly, those who become cleansed of material desire again exhibit their original purity. Such purification is possible by engaging the demanding senses in serving the Lord. Without using the senses in God’s service, trying to control them will end in frustration and failure.

    Helping Chris

    I realize that Chris’s success hinges on his turning to God, Krishna. Chris can now go in a direction that will elevate or degrade his consciousness. He can allow his anger to consume him and follow the teenage murderers of Columbine. Or he can follow in the footsteps of Prahlada and Ambarisha.

    Right now I can’t imagine Chris sitting down to chant the Hare Krishna mantra on beads. But I can introduce prayer to get him started.

    When Chris finally emerges from under the sheets, I suggest a new tactic: praying to God for help with his anger. Together we formulate the prayer: “My dear Lord, please help me to stay in control of my anger. Help me to be calm and peaceful even when I’m being teased.”

    Chris repeats the prayer several times out loud and gives me an approving nod.

    “Maybe this will help.” he says with a new confidence.

    “I’m sure it will,” I respond, getting up to leave.

    He waves enthusiastically.

    “Come again,” he says, “and bring more cookies!”

    I make a mental note to bring cookies offered to Krishna so Chris can be purified. I’d hate for him to be angry with me.

    Chant and be happy.

    Srila prabhupada ki jai..

    Hare krsna

    The Root of Anger |
    • Hare Krishna Krishna Das Prabhuji,

      Thank you so much for your explanation with example.

      I am not sure, I understood it all. I am trying to read it again to get the principles/actions.

      Thank you so much.

      • One of the Achareias said the energy of Hate is like molten fire

        if you horal it at others you are going to burn you own hands"

        the Christians say "forgive them because You deserve it I.e. to set yourself free not them!

        Almost always Hate consumes it's host, "the Fire of Hate is uncontrollable"

        so many times I/we have heard Hate is a way of diminishing the good quality's/ability's of others.

        However, I would keep chanting at their pickled-feet until you soften their lotus hearts and let them see you shining in silent liberation ( while they are in fount of you) just Gard & keep your personal space sacred around them I.e. from 3 inches to arm's length of your self, in all directions keep it protected & enlivened by your presence and awareness. Good luck all ways !

  • Forgiving someone can be difficult.

    Actually, forgiveness is not only about others, but also about our own spiritual growth. Love and forgiveness cannot be separated. If we choose to live out the love of God as the purpose of our life, then forgiving is an option that cannot be avoided.

    Matthew 6:14-15

    For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

    Matthew 5:23-24

    “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

    Luke 6:37

    Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

    • Hare Krishna

      Thank you Dean Prabhu. I guess the quotes are from Bible, which I have never read. I will try to remember these guidelines and may be I will be forgiven for my hatred when I have the courage to forgive people from heart.

  • I would advise anyone stay away from people who suck life out of you. Maybe you could try seeing these people as teachers, teaching the valuable lessons of patience and acceptance by challenging you in this way. Maybe this could help.

    But do not let them control you. If you give in to hate, you are giving them power over you. Understand?

    I do not know your situation so please just take what I say with a grain of salt. We are fallen souls like you so we don't know all the answers.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Hare Krishna
    • Sandhya, let me clarify the best I can:

      By "controlling," Glasser means wanting someone to be different from how they are.

      I don't have any idea what kind of relationships you have with these people you say you hate, nor do I really know if this philosophy is applicable in such relationships. But the idea is that if you hate someone it's because you want them to be different, you want that power, that control over them. They may be doing something you don't like, so you want them to change. That's external control (from what I know of Glasser's philosophy).

      Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that those who are equiposed in all circumstances are very dear to him. By "choosing" to be pleasant and loving in our relationships all the time, we are making ourselves equiposed in love. Always in love.

      And as the Beatles sang, Love is all you need!

      Hare Krishna!!

      Please forgive me for my errors in attempting to relate this wisdom to you! I know nothing! =)

      Eternal love
    • Dear Sandhya,

      Your quite welcome. I apologize, though, for I misspoke; the book is "Choice Theory," by William Glasser, M.D. (I saw it for around $12 on Amazon.) Choice theory, not control theory. That's something quite different. =)

      I remember writing down a quote from the book:

      "Fun [...] is the genetic reward for learning [...]" ~William Glasser, M.D.

      I didn't finish the book to be honest, as I was just renting it from the library. But what I read of it was quite profound and changed my view on relationships. This is a direct quote from wglasser.

      Choice theory states that:

      -all we do is behave,
      -that almost all behavior is chosen, and
      -that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun.

      In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs.

      Choice theory, with the Seven Caring Habits, replaces external control psychology and the Seven Deadly Habits. External control, the present psychology of almost all people in the world, is destructive to relationships. When used, it will destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship and will result in a disconnection from each other. Being disconnected is the source of almost all human problems such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal abuse, to mention a few."

      I believe that this philosophy can be applied directly in Krishna consciousness as well as all our other relationships. By "external control," Glasser means attempting to force other people to behave the way you want them to - or the way you think they should be. If you always try to control people, it's likely that they won't like you very much. They'll think you are "bossy," "intolerant," or just rude. At the least they will think you are selfish, not taking other's needs and wants into consideration.

      I hope this helps you prabhuji.
      Hare Krishna
      Peace and love
    • By "give in to hate," I don't mean feeling hatred. You can't help what you feel.

      You can't help what you feel but you can try to respond to the feelings in a different way.

      I read a book called Control Theory which helped me a lot. It taught me that the reason why we have dissatisfying relationships is because we try to control others. So when we get angry or hateful it's because what we experience this person to be, is out of harmony with how we think they should be.

      If we try to accept people as they are, we cannot hate them or be angry with them.

      Please feel free to email me at
      If you want to talk.

      Hare Krishna
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