Hare Krishna! Dandavat Pranam to all!
I consider Krishna as a friend, but every now and then, almost every few hours, I feel like he's putting in all the effort, and I'm simply asking him things and not reciprocating.
I do have some addictions which I'm trying to overcome, and I do achieve that, sometimes for a week, two weeks maybe, but ultimately when I think "oh I've done it", eventually I end up returning to it, even when I think "it's so easy to give up".
Whenever that happens I feel enormous guilt and also feel that Krishna would hate me--which he won't--but that guilt paired with the feeling that I'm not reciprocating really bothers me, and I feel lost. To the point I genuinely wonder if I'm even eligible/worthy of redemption or grace.
So I was really wondering how exactly I could tackle these problems of mine, how can I be more sincere in devotion, and in what ways I can reciprocate to Krishna.
Hare Krishna!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Replies
Hare Krishna,
First sentance is saying : I consider Krishna as a friend. This is a lie. Had you considered HIM as your friend, you would have let him participate in your addiction. During your enjoyment with addictions why are you not allowing Krishna to join ? You said HE is your friend na?
Being Conscious of Krishna at all times Is most important.
If you are doing Bad karma also you do it consciously.
why are you eliminating your friend at that time. You are saying NO Krishna be outisde of this. I am enjoying something and you are not to enter this place.
This is what happened when Kauravas were playing Dice game with Pandavas. Pandavas always had choice of calling Krishna to participate in the Dice game.
Huh! Duryodhana call his mama ji Shakuni to help him in dice game. Why didn't Pandavas also call Krishna to paricipate from their side?
Had they called Krishna at the start of the game itself. HAhhaha.. Krishna toh Mayaavi ka baap hai. Kuch toh kar ke poora ulat pulat kar ke Pandavon ko jita hi dete the. Hai ki na?
They didn't call HIM because they felt they can handle it themselves. When everything was lost at that time also they didn't call upon Krishna. Phir bhi KRISHNA ONLY STOOD BESIDES WHAT IS DHARMA.
ONCE YOU CALL KRISHNA AS YOUR FRIEND. HOGAYA .. WOH TOH FRIENDSHIP NIBHAAYENGE HI. BUT TUMNE HI FRIENDSHIP NAHI NIBHAYA.
YOU HAVE DITCHED KRISHNA WHENEVER YOU SINGLY ENJOYED UR ADDICTIONS.
KRISHNA KO KYUN NAHI BULAYE??
Whatever happened take it as a lesson and from now whenever you are doing any thing be it good karma or bad karma or addiction karma whatever stupid karma it is DO IT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSLY.
you will stop doing that karma itself. OR ATLEAST YOU WILL LOSE INTEREST IN THAT STUPID ACTIVITY as soon as Krishna comes into the picture.
Be consicous of Krishna at all times as HE IS YOUR FRIEND.
Hare Krishna