Pamho,
Recently someone with whom I dreamed to have a meaningful, blissful life in future has left me alone Which is often called as 'breakups'
This particular word I do hate a lot but I had to go through that bitterly experience unfortunately.The girl who made many romantic promises for future had left me without any hesitation and has forgotten me entirely in the excuse of her hatred twoards Isocon.
I know,for my good, Krisna made her apart from me, perhaps If the relationship would have continued perhaps I ended up having a major emotional breakdown But still sometimes her memories haunt me. The time at night she particularly used to message me, makes me a little emotional,Still somewhere the mind awaits her return.
I am very much affirmed that it is a part of Krisna's plan because after the 'breakup' I tried manytimes to make the things better or restore normalcy but unfortunately I couldn't and only my ego was severly hurt by her mere responses.
So I just wanted to share this to reduce the load of my sorrows and mistakes and to sort of justify my deeds.
Actually this short "love" experience made me a little dependant such as my mind always looks for someone to love.
- Actually how to get rid of the habit of falling in love of anyone who approaches me? Someone said me why are you wanna change your self it is your potential to trust and love everyone around you.
So what are your advises pls share and help this troubled soul.
Replies
Hare Krsna prabhuji,
PAMHO.
I completely understand your feelings. It is very difficult to go through a breakup. While many conflicting emotions will keep coming to the surface at this time, it is important to keep calm amidst all that.
Regarding how to handle the breakup - take one day at a time. Your mind will keep going back to the same thoughts, so better to channelise the mind into doing an analysis of what went wrong, since when you were getting subtle signs which you may have ignored. Maybe it is also time to introspect about the lessons learnt from this. Please write down the lessons learnt in a place where you can refer to it later. The healing process involves forgiving oneself, forgiving her, forgiving any third party who may be involved and then moving on.
Regarding not falling in love again, it is important to learn the lessons mentioned in earlier para and keep referring to it. Keep telling yourself that this one breakup was too much heartburn. Cannot keep going through it again. So avoid getting involved till you have healed a little and learnt to let go.
THis is also a very good time to dive into Krsna Consciousness. Chant very attentively, read Bhagavad Gita As It Is or any other small book of Srila Prabhupada, visit temples, eat prasadam, associate with devotees who dont know the past. This way, you are harnessing the hurt to grow spiritually. If you can do this, you will look back at this phase in life as lesson learnt.
In this stage of life, realise that the only person who truly loves us and understands us and is with us at all times is the supreme lord. The amount of time and energy we have spent in this relationship, if we had invested half of it on Krsna, we would be a highly realised soul today.
We all have a need to be loved and to love someone. Otherwise there was no need for human society. That love need not be conjugal love. It could be friendship, love for parents, siblings, friends etc. Remain in that space for now. It is natural that you will gradually meet someone else and get attracted. Yes, it happens even to devotees, what to speak of normal people. In the interim, if you can harness the emotions at this time to come closer to Krsna, and read and understand some bit of our philosophy, you will be better equipped to handle the future relationships. If you grow spiritually, you will get the spiritual strength to attract the right soul, so that this affair and breakup saga and discontinue and you can settle with a devotee partner and do sadhana together.
Best of luck.
Haribol,
your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Dandabat mataji.
I pay my humble obeisances to your feet.
Thanks for your reply mataji
Hare Krishna,
Crush, attraction what is all that? That is ocytocin. It's a hormone. So what is the difference in love between shiva and parvati, and love I feel towards a girl I just met. In your case it is her body you find attractive, they find each other's souls attractive. That is the diffence. Devotee. Infactuation is a drug. It makes your body find fake bliss, fake happiness, it is no more than a dream. One day Krishna will wake you up, and you will see that everything you seemed to "love" is gone. Please, i beg you, don't fall under that maya. You find someone attractive, admire their beauty like you would admire a flower. Smell their aroma of knowlege, but don't pluck it. Becuase yes, the flower will remain with you for a day or two, but after that it shall wither. Do you really want to make both the world and yourself loose such a beautiful soul. If you know you can not stop loving, then dont. Love the Lord, Love Krishna. He will never leave you. He is a flower growing in your soul. He is your best friend. He loves you so so much. He is the ONLY one who will love you forever. For He is everything. Every time you feel attracted, tell yourself "my hormones are messing with me, save me Krishnaaaaa," he will be there in a second.
You lastly said "Someone said me why are you wanna change your self it is your potential to trust and love everyone around you." Love everyone's soul, devoteee. Not their bodies. Their is a huge difference. Love the Krishna within everyone. Some bodies are like repeling magnetic ends, you simply can not connect. Connect souls. Connect through Him. Remember Him. Love Him.
Your servant
Gowri Krishna
Dandabat Pranam
I pay my humble obeisances to you for replying this troubled and most fallen soul. But I actually didn't see her so I had no attraction for her body And I didn't have the slightest desire actually to touch her. But whatever now I think for the shake of good Krisna made me apart.