I am facing some personal issue at the material level and have no idea how to deal with it.
So, I have 2 sisters and one of them has been having financial issues recently because of Covid, but even otherwise, the financial problems are there because my brother in law does not have a proper job for sometime now.
Now, my parents have been giving financial support to her and I absolutely do not like that at all. I do not like that the support is needed almost on a regular basis and not really one time. I literally have fights with my parent because of this and have told them that this would become a habit and that I do not like them giving at all.
Also, my brother in law has smoking, drinking habits and I tell my parents that our money is not meant to satisfy these urges of someone.
They argue that the money is infact used for my sister and her little daughter's studies, so I should not oppose that. They also say that my brother in law is trying hard, but his luck is bad...
I tell them, that if this is how it is gonna continue, why would my brother in law put efforts to get a good job..he'll know that he has an ATM ready in the form of our house..
Also, I tell my parents to openly discuss this with my brother in law, but they feel that the relationship is delicate and may break if we tell anything...
I have been under severe stress because of this issue and feel totally helpless in trying to understand or deal with the situation.
Please help me. HK....Thanks...
Replies
Hare Krishna,
I think you also know the term called Runanubandhanam. We take birth in a certain family and we share good, bad everything in our life with certain blood related people becoz we had some karma to repay them.
Had you not have anything to repay to ur brother-in-law or sister you wouldn't be in this position now at all. We don't know past life .. all we know is now the present time... and that is why our judgement is not real. Truth had many facets. All you see is now just this time period and think you are the hardworking guy and rest all wasting your hard earned money.
KC teaches us that we don't even meet people simply in our lives. Even smiling to a stranger on the road is all happening becoz of our own karma. We had to meet them. We have to pay these people in cash, kind or atleast serve them by giving advice.
In your case also...it is the same. You are just thinking you are earning by working hard. You are feeling this ego that you are the doer. You have earned. Just leave this ego for a while and see who is the doer????
Is it you? Who is the provider? is it you? You are entitled to do only karma. The result of the karma is not in ur hands.
See. for example... A Mango tree. The farmer planted the seed , watered it.. worked hard day and night. flowers bloomed ...He felt He would get to taste the mangoes .. becos its his hard work that now ready to be enjoyed by him. But sadly... some monkey's entered and ate all the fruits and threw at the farmer the seeds. Farmer cried like you.. How can I not enjoy the fruits of my labor and why I had this monkey had to come and eat...who didn't do any hardwork enjoy the mangoes.???
कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन । मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भुर्मा ते संगोऽस्त्वकर्मणि ॥
You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty. - Bhagavad Gita, Chapter II, Verse 47
Hare Krishna.
If you want to any advice how to be stress free I say remove this Karta bhav in you. Just think Provider is Krishna and He is wanting you to give them. Have patience and you will recieve 100 times more then this later for your help now.
Well.. Karma of planting tree, watering,, doing hard work was only in the hands of the farmer... fruits of the labor had to go to the monkey's as the farmer had to repay them in this way..
Mysterious ways of Karma cannot be understood by us as we only know only this part of the life and this.. particular momment only. Real Truth has many facets.
The thing here to be understood is we are not doer. fruits of the labor done are alloted as per the previous karma done by Lord to those who deserve it... Whatever happens is as per ur own deeds. Don't blame the monkey's or blame your destiny. Just work and if someone is getting benefitted by ur work understand that you had to repay them. Don't even feel you are great that you worked hard and you are giver... Nothing is yours.
But when you are repaying for ur own deeds then why complain...
Krishna will be pleased when you are doing work in this way and helping others.. even if you are getting seeds ( seeds of the mangoes) thrown back to you ( like the monkey's did in the story) .. you suffer it in silence. When this situation passes off... you patience will paid back to you handsomely.
Hard earned money doesn't go waste ever. You will get 100 times more of what you do. But provided you do it leaving Karta bhav and leaving this complaining behavior.
When you help someone in their hard times even if the brother inlaw not realizing or anyone not realising ur good deed. God is surely watching when you need money you will get 100 times of this and 100 hands to help you from somewhere.. as God is watching.
Hare Krishna
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
As devotees, we help even strangers. In fact, my experience is, once financial help is provided, devotees also distance themselves and are extremely reluctant to return the money.
Regarding family, of course parents will feel for daughter and want to provide for her. What you can do is pray for her and her family. Make your sister also chant.
Discussing with brother in law would be a good idea in my opinion, though I dont know the dynamics of your community and your family in particular, One has to know what is the sustained means of livelihood he is planning and when that plan will be executed.
Another thing that can be done is - communicate to your sister and brother in law that all the financial help being extended is an interest free loan. Repayment is expected. Mentally be prepared that no money will come back, but let them have that accountability in their minds that this is not free and non returnable.
Ultimately, pls dont take stress. Whatever has to happen will happen.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD