Guidance Needed: Questions to Ask Before Marriage & Qualities to Develop for a Spiritually Supportive Grihastha Life

Hare Krishna dear Prabhuji and Matajis,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I am a young devotee seeking guidance from senior grihasthas and experienced Vaishnavas. In the current age, where chastity, loyalty, and dharma in relationships are often neglected, I wish to approach the prospect of marriage seriously and with full spiritual responsibility.

I would be grateful to know:

1. What essential questions should one ask a potential wife (and her family) before considering marriage?
– Especially to ensure compatibility in values, chastity, service attitude, spiritual inclination, and mutual respect.
– Questions that can help reveal her views on commitment, family life, and devotional service.

2. What qualities should I personally develop before entering marriage so that I can be a stable, Krishna-conscious husband who is not diverted from his spiritual growth or career goals?
– How to balance grihastha responsibilities while staying fixed in sadhana and service?
– What traits or red flags should I look out for in a potential spouse that may later disturb one’s bhakti or peaceful home life?

I sincerely wish to have a marriage that supports both partners in growing spiritually and serving together. I want to avoid emotional chaos and unnecessary distraction caused by improper choices, as seen so commonly in today's world.

Any advice, book references, or even personal experiences you’re willing to share would be deeply appreciated.

Your servant,
Shawlwin Sharma
Hare Krishna 🙏

Hare Krishna ,

You are expecting somethings from the other person then you must also be knowing that other person who is going to leave her family and come to you is also expecting certain things from you. If you both partners reach each other's expectations then you are ready for marriage. You have to develop the trait of adjustiing to all types of environmenta and yet continue to maintain peace and hormony at home. No one in this world are exact true copy of your ownself that you must rememmember..

You know what when we have too many expectations and they don't meet the requirements then there would be daily conflict.
The key to sucessful marriage is to understand each others needs and give importance to each other's views. ...and flollow one which is best for spiritual growth. Every individual has his own way to reach God. My way is only the way rest all are fools .. I don't like her way she must follow me... these days no girl likes this type of behavior. But you can do your bhakti and stop imposing it on other. Let the other person know the values of krishna conscious way of living is the best in a subtle way than being harsh and imposing. If she is a devotee herself then maybe it would be less hard to make a KC home but in case you get a non devotee you show her subtly by being and doing your method gently not imposing way. After few yrs of living with you they will slowly adapt to your ways. But initially imposing it.. on you have to do this that.... get up early prepare bhog you need to pray, chant.. read .. do all these rituals they may find is absurd and it will surely end up in a divorce. Anyhow its your life ... you get what is destined by you. You cannot predesign something like a marraige partner or manifest things which you are expecting in others.

hare krishna

Replies

Gayatri June 1, 2025 at 7:44pm

Hare Krishna ,

You are expecting somethings from the other person then you must also be knowing that other person who is going to leave her family and come to you is also expecting certain things from you. If you both partners reach each other's expectations then you are ready for marriage. You have to develop the trait of adjustiing to all types of environmenta and yet continue to maintain peace and hormony at home. No one in this world are exact true copy of your ownself that you must rememmember..

You know what when we have too many expectations and they don't meet the requirements then there would be daily conflict.
The key to sucessful marriage is to understand each others needs and give importance to each other's views. ...and flollow one which is best for spiritual growth. Every individual has his own way to reach God. My way is only the way rest all are fools .. I don't like her way she must follow me... these days no girl likes this type of behavior. But you can do your bhakti and stop imposing it on other. Let the other person know the values of krishna conscious way of living is the best in a subtle way than being harsh and imposing. If she is a devotee herself then maybe it would be less hard to make a KC home but in case you get a non devotee you show her subtly by being and doing your method gently not imposing way. After few yrs of living with you they will slowly adapt to your ways. But initially imposing it.. on you have to do this that.... get up early prepare bhog you need to pray, chant.. read .. do all these rituals they may find is absurd and it will surely end up in a divorce. Anyhow its your life ... you get what is destined by you. You cannot predesign something like a marraige partner or manifest things which you are expecting in others.

hare krishna

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