I used to be a Krishna devotee once..but in the middle I lost my way and started commiting adharmic activities. I stopped worshipping bhagwan (although I just remember him every morning when I wake up) as i have given more focus on studies as well as to movies, novels, friends,etc. I have bhagwan and Mata's photos in my room and despite that I have actually masturbated in my room as I could not control my lust. I just feel extremely horrible. I would like to ask for help: How do I break this endless chain of horrible activities? How do I get forgiveness from Bhagwan for my sins as horrible as I have mentioned it? How do I get rid of my paap karmas?
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premṇaiva bhakta-hṛdayaṁ sukha-vidrutaṁ syāt
yāvat kṣud asti jaṭhare jaraṭhā pipāsā
tāvat sukhāya bhavato nanu bhakṣya-peye
"Rāmānanda Rāya continued, " 'As long as there is hunger and thirst within the stomach, varieties of food and drink make one feel very happy. Similarly, when the Lord is worshiped with pure love, the various activities performed in the course of that worship awaken transcendental bliss in the heart of the devotee.'"
Short Answer: SEEK DEVOTEE ASSOCIATE. JOIN AN ISKCON PROGRAM (IYF, Bhakti Vriksha, etc) / TEMPLE and GO DAILY.
Your question / concern is very genuine and common. Let me tell you firstly that alot of devotees like 90% of male devotees (especially from cities) has faced this problem. It is completely normal to have such urges; what is not normal is not being able to control / curb them.
Many discourses have been given on this; however people are able not able to find that. I shall give link at bottom for further reading.
First you need to understand that what is Masturbation?
It is a artificial solution to sexual urge. Anything which is artificial is superficial or fake. Hence everyone has sense of guilt after doing it. Western speakers will tell you not to feel guilty - it is normal to masturbate. This is wrong on grounds of logic. Our body has an inbuilt mechanism - if we will touch something hot we will feel the burn, even we know that is normal - but that doesn't makes the activity normal. Thus guilt after masturbation is your body's internal alarm system saying it is not good.
Now we have to understand why we do it?
We get sexually excited because of our sense eyes (seeing), ear (hearing), mouth (talking about it), mind (thinking about it). So a person needs to regulate it's senses. Let's be honest, in the beginning we cannot be nitya-sidhas. We need training; hence we cannot go around people who doesn't have such standards. Hence we need to take shelter of devotees more and more. OUT OF SIGHT - OUT OF MIND. And once you will make a standard that since last 2-3 years I didn't masturbate; then trust me you will never go back. People who become converted from non-veg to veg diets; do not fall back even if they fall in Bhakti.
Now let me back all this with Modern Science:
Semen is basically a hormone called Testosterone. Testosterone is used to body building, blood making and making of semen in your body. If you keep discharging testosterone, you will become weak.
All body builders takes injections of Testosterone to boost their body building. Now imagine how valuable is Testosterone.
I've explained some logics here; which can give you starting cue here.
You may read: http://www.dlshq.org/download/brahmacharya.pdf
You may watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zV8S_NgOx0&list=PLzT1yw_wugHAO...
Forgive me for any offence.
All I can say is Welcome Home. This lifetime you remember what you have done - how many lifetimes we would have crossed ignoring the lord and gone back to our sinful life. The thing is - Krsna still forgives all our sins. THat is why He came as maha vadanyaya - most merciful form of Sril Krishna Chaitanya, distributing the highest thing - Krsna prema, freely.
WHat you need to do now is get back into association and start chanting. YOu can even remember your sins and chant in humble repenting mood. This will be more effective chanting.
Once you do this, the rest will follow.
Srila Prabhupada said it takes one moment to surrender - give that moment now.
Radha Rasamayi DD