Family problem

Hare Krishna

Vanca kalpa taru bhyascha, kripa sindhu bhya evaca

Patitanam pavanebhyo vaishnave bhyo namo namah

Ananta koti vaishnav vrind ki jai...

All glories to Guru and Gauranga

I need help from senior matajis regarding some personal problem kindly guide me .

My husband has been in ISKCON for over 7 years, and I joined about 3 years ago.(1year before marriage)We chant 16 rounds daily and also do arati and Bhagavad Gita reading. Getting association mostly over the phone and via youtube video and classes..

We live in outskirt area for his job and temple is very far away..we only went to temple once in a month..

The problem begins when my mother-in-law comes. She disturbs me emotionally, and I am still learning to control my emotions. So I started speaking less (to avoid any argument) and focusing only on my essential household duties.

Now she and my husband talk negatively about me over the phone. I know this because I heard it myself. When I talk to my husband about it, he gets defensive and blames me, saying I treat him badly. In reality, I only reply briefly—“yes” or “no”—because I am trying to stay calm and control myself.

My mother-in-law doesn’t speak to me now. Whenever she calls my husband and ask if I am present then she taunts me indirectly, and my husband stays silent.

I feel emotionally drained. It happened before, and that time I ignored it and treated them nicely again. But now I am not feeling okay. I wonder if my sadhana is weak, or if I need to improve spiritually so everything becomes peaceful. The constant emotional pulling is hurting me...

I left my job to prioritise grihastha life and now I don't have any source of income..when my husband is not protecting me it hurts ..

I can't share this with anyone in family because they will question our devotion and iskcon..

Please guide me on how to deal with this..

Hare Krishna Dear mata ji,

Please keep calm. I can understand you situation. It is not a problem with the sadhana or you need to increase ur japa or anything. Everyone faces some problems in life these are common to all grihasta ladies.

Even advanced devotees face relationship tensions and family disturbances. Bhakti does not mean everything around us becomes perfect. All it gives is strength to face these difficult situations in life.

Choosing to speak less to avoid arguments is wisdom, not disrespect towards your husband prabhu ji.

Pls. try to talk peacefully to your husband talk to him freely openly about everything if possible.

firstly, stop blaming yourself for all the problems

Talk to prabhu ji peacefully and clearly explain about the situations--like say

“I am telling this not against your mother, not against you. I just want your emotional support. When she taunts me and you stay quiet, it hurts me deeply. I want us to be a stronger team. I need you to stand with me.”

And with you mother- in law also - You don’t need to fight. Just remain respectful but emotionally detached.

Listen mata ji, It is all in your hands. How you want to change all negatives into positives for you.

Don't reduce talking but talk in a way that is NOT harsh, NOT blaming the other party. But politely saying things and setting boundaries and expectation, avoiding conflicts.

SMILE always smile. Say, I am sorry. IF I HURT YOU PRABHU JI.

Saying sorry doesn't make you small in anyway.

Just say Sorry prabhu ji and smile and say I am going in wrong way. You are elder to me and as well as senior in bhakti to me as well. I always try to respect you as we are now devotees of Krishna and Krishna doesn't like to see us quarelling for petty things. I would love to start all over again with your mother and I am ready to say sorry to her as well. I Just want us to be going to temple once in 15 days and also.. I want to do chanting and doing aarti as before with you. I miss a devotee partner these days. We used to have such nice devotee association. I want to you to encourage me in bhakti and I want mata ji ( ur mother) also to become a devotee of Krishna. I wanted actually to read Bhagwad gita slokas for her. I can do any seva if she wants me to do for pleasing her and you as well prabhu ji. But all I want from you is a little kind talk at least as a devoteee family talks. I want to gift your mother a nice small Krsna deity this is what I got for her. I got this from Vrindavan or some place.. tell amazon iskcon. I was planning to take mother to Iskcon temple and place this deity at the Lotus feet of Lord and give her. Just need her forgiveness.
I know prabhu ji, I must have offended her at some point. I don't even recall now. Maybe I hurt her that is why she is so against me and I apologize to Krishna yesterday and seeked blessings. I also must have unknowing hurted you sometimes. But I am just sorry please accept my apologies and I want to seek forgiveness from mother in law as well. If possible. .. Can you talk to her on my behalf and convince her that I am really feeling sorry and that she must excuse me. I would appreciate you prabhu ji. Please please please can you speak on my behalf to convince her to accept my apologies ( even though I don't recall what I did that she got upset so much) .

This type of talk will surely make the man come down. Man's ego subsided when a woman becomes loving caring and talks peacfully and shows respect to him ... you can change him, mend him totally he will act according to you. IT IS ALL IN YOUR HANDS mata ji.

FAKE TO MAKE IT. Act convincingly to bring these two people ( ur husband and ur mother inlaw ) to act as per your directions.

Hare Krishna

Replies

Gayatri December 10, 2025 at 1:00pm

Hare Krishna Dear mata ji,

Please keep calm. I can understand you situation. It is not a problem with the sadhana or you need to increase ur japa or anything. Everyone faces some problems in life these are common to all grihasta ladies.

Even advanced devotees face relationship tensions and family disturbances. Bhakti does not mean everything around us becomes perfect. All it gives is strength to face these difficult situations in life.

Choosing to speak less to avoid arguments is wisdom, not disrespect towards your husband prabhu ji.

Pls. try to talk peacefully to your husband talk to him freely openly about everything if possible.

firstly, stop blaming yourself for all the problems

Talk to prabhu ji peacefully and clearly explain about the situations--like say

“I am telling this not against your mother, not against you. I just want your emotional support. When she taunts me and you stay quiet, it hurts me deeply. I want us to be a stronger team. I need you to stand with me.”

And with you mother- in law also - You don’t need to fight. Just remain respectful but emotionally detached.

Listen mata ji, It is all in your hands. How you want to change all negatives into positives for you.

Don't reduce talking but talk in a way that is NOT harsh, NOT blaming the other party. But politely saying things and setting boundaries and expectation, avoiding conflicts.

SMILE always smile. Say, I am sorry. IF I HURT YOU PRABHU JI.

Saying sorry doesn't make you small in anyway.

Just say Sorry prabhu ji and smile and say I am going in wrong way. You are elder to me and as well as senior in bhakti to me as well. I always try to respect you as we are now devotees of Krishna and Krishna doesn't like to see us quarelling for petty things. I would love to start all over again with your mother and I am ready to say sorry to her as well. I Just want us to be going to temple once in 15 days and also.. I want to do chanting and doing aarti as before with you. I miss a devotee partner these days. We used to have such nice devotee association. I want to you to encourage me in bhakti and I want mata ji ( ur mother) also to become a devotee of Krishna. I wanted actually to read Bhagwad gita slokas for her. I can do any seva if she wants me to do for pleasing her and you as well prabhu ji. But all I want from you is a little kind talk at least as a devoteee family talks. I want to gift your mother a nice small Krsna deity this is what I got for her. I got this from Vrindavan or some place.. tell amazon iskcon. I was planning to take mother to Iskcon temple and place this deity at the Lotus feet of Lord and give her. Just need her forgiveness.
I know prabhu ji, I must have offended her at some point. I don't even recall now. Maybe I hurt her that is why she is so against me and I apologize to Krishna yesterday and seeked blessings. I also must have unknowing hurted you sometimes. But I am just sorry please accept my apologies and I want to seek forgiveness from mother in law as well. If possible. .. Can you talk to her on my behalf and convince her that I am really feeling sorry and that she must excuse me. I would appreciate you prabhu ji. Please please please can you speak on my behalf to convince her to accept my apologies ( even though I don't recall what I did that she got upset so much) .

This type of talk will surely make the man come down. Man's ego subsided when a woman becomes loving caring and talks peacfully and shows respect to him ... you can change him, mend him totally he will act according to you. IT IS ALL IN YOUR HANDS mata ji.

FAKE TO MAKE IT. Act convincingly to bring these two people ( ur husband and ur mother inlaw ) to act as per your directions.

Hare Krishna

This reply was deleted.