I don't intend to hurt my parents because of my words.But everytime they themselves misinterpret what I have said and they think I am wrong or my attitude is offftracka towards them.I never try to make somebody down.But I m realising that my words my intentions are not bad but my parents take it wrong way and argue for long time.They keep on becoming angry and angry.They think they are tolerating me till my marriage.Sometimes even say when would you go.They make me feel like I am burden and coming in between their comfort.
I m the only girl child to them.I have no body to talk to of similar age or play or I have no friends who visit me or whom I can visit.Rarely I go outside.I am Human.I too have emotions of love care anger and all what others have.But nobody understands that.I m 24 years old.I need to get loved understood and sometimes being tolerated.
But not like this that they treat me every time the way they are.Toxic parenting leaves very bad impression on child.
When I say I shall not say anything from now they think I m rude or I want to get separated from them.Why shall I think this way when I m all alone all the time and what would I get after being separated from me.
If I say something good husky hilarious,even then they have problem.Because of this I stopped heavy talks with my father.Same with mother,if I say something or keep my view point,she has already made pretention in mind that whatever I will say Is because I want to hurt her.She then acts like I have hurted her very much,she becomes slow in her actions she starts getting depressed and I feel like what have I done....
She used to say one who keeps mother unhappy is never going to be happy.But my intentions are never to hurt her.She herself thinks more and make assumptions about it and gets sad.
After all this things,they both say harsh words to me, sometimes even curse that wait and see what you will pay for this and they judge my opinions.Compare me with otheraother children.They can't feel me like who I am what are my intentions.Simply nothing....For them I m like she is a burden.Tell me who is perfect in this world.They themselves are not.
I know we should respect parents.but shouldn't they consider our wellbeing, emotional crisis,our issues,problems.
Replies
hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
I am sorry I dont know anything about you and reading your first post. Can you tell me something about yourself. You could write to my inbox.
I see a larger issue here than what you have raised. Need to understand before I respond.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Hare Krishna,
You think this is happening only in your home?
Every house there is similar problem with young adults and parents. It is normal maa.
you are now a complete individual. So your parents start treating you like not their kid anymore. You are now capable to start your own family right.
Some girls face this situation with parents some girls face these similar situations with Inlaws.
You will have to learn to deal with these older generation people be it with parents or inlaws. Both will be toxic to you :-) if you don't know how to tactfully deal.
You cannot change the older generation they have fixed ideas. Try to change your self. You can do that !!!
Talk less!!! Don't have to react to every situation. Situations come and go circumstances change as time changes.
Give some space to all. Don't try to give your opinions when they are not respected.
Keep engaged yourself with some job or work which interests you.
Do chanting that is best way to escape from material things. Immerse yourself in Krishna.
Go out of the place when there is conflicts. Go out to nearest temple and come back after a while. Situations will change your mood also will change.
Bring positivity. Change your room curtains, bedsheets and pillow cases now and then. remove dirty and old soiled clothes. Sometimes if the house is not clean the mind is also not clean. Dust you house regularly. immerse yourself in some job like gardening or going out.
Now you are 24 yr old lady. You can get some job isn't it. do some job 8 hours job when you come back you are tired, and start to do some online programes ( studies).
There is a saying in hindi by a great poet Kabir.
Bura jo dekhan mai chala bura na mile koi.
jo dekhan aapno mujh se bura na koi.
It means.. If you start looking at people. Every other person looks toxic only to you.
But once you start seeing your self and pointing out ur mistakes you will notice no one is as bad as you ;-)
so don't make this impression in you mind that every body around you are doing all wrongs...
You are not perfect urself so don't expect perfection in all !!!
just keep silence and let things change.
Every person faces bad days and challenging times which makes us go mad it is not only you that face. In every house there is issues.
One thing I realized is if you stop reacting all will stop.
If you keep reacting things become worse!!!
Silence is the key!!!!!
silence your mind engage in something else. go out for walk, chant, go to temple.
Do you have deities at home or photos.
do make a small mandir in your room. decorate the deities. Engage with temple devotees and get ideas. know what are your interests. and hobbies.
learn to cultivate good thoughts by making urself busy in those hobbies.
Yesterday I was browsing thru a deity dresses. So nice and cute they are. They are expensive online but I am sure in india they would be less expensive. so many things they use in deity decoration OMG!
BTW do you work I mean do you have source of income.
Purchase this one and hang it in your room.
Put Radha Krishna deities. In you room. Keep your room clean daily off the clutter. I am sure you have a room for ur self. Daily clean this small deity altar and get flowers go walking and pluck 5-10 flowers and daily use them in pooja. put diya.
keep such deities on the altar daily do decoration of the deity with new new clothes the clothes are like 15-50 rupees.
get matching clothes sets, mukuts, haars. do some shopping for krishna get busy in that.
daily put various decorations and enjoy the decoating your babies. they are like small kids for you. You want love na show love to Krishna and Radha they will give pleasure to your soul.
YOU WANT TO BE LOVED AND CARED?? ".But nobody understands that.I m 24 years old.I need to get loved understood and sometimes being tolerated."
YOU show love and care to Krishna and Radha Your deiites your babies. Take care of them nicely feed them daily and change their dress daily. decorate them. They will give immense pleasure to your soul.
get hair for the deities decorate nicely.feel like you they are your own kids. daily you have to feed them. okay?
buy mukuts for both deities. hair also, dresses. You have lot of work to do. get busy like this.
this is for your room. AND DON't fight with your parents about money make money do some job to buy these stuff. And don't fight with you parents if they say something. change habits. smile and let them engage in bhakti .. Don't behave that like you are some great person. You came out of them. So you have to understand them. They have to be respected. Even if they are bad parents also.
Just keep silence if you don't like anything. Don't give ur opinions.
You know what parents curses don't effect the kids!!! they curses only become boons in disguise. OKay don't worry so much. Bring positivity by clearing clutter at home now. Krishna is coming!!!
Hare Krishna.