Hare Krishna ,
i'm currently in 12th class from nios, currently i'm living in delhi with my family, when i was in 11th in 2023 i saw videos of premenand ji maharaj ji in yt, then i listened some of his video on bramhacharya, but i wasn't serious about bhakti but i become so arrogant, angry, more disrespectful to my parents & relatives, i didn't studied much, not eating well, not doing works with a mindset that this all are fools, fake things, etc . through that mindset i wasted my soo much time and i get failed in 11th & due to my extremely bad behaviour, my parents started thinking that i'll left the home, become a sanyasi, etc, they left going to temple, worshiping, don't let me do puja/going to any holy place, and then they took me my hometown(jharkhand), and did a lot of sacrifice of animals, mujhe bohot saare peoples (jo tantra vidya,etc jante hai) unke paas bhi le gaye, but didn't changed much, so they tried so many things more, like darana, dhamkana, abusing maharaj ji & saints, etc lot of things. but i remain the same, then we came to delhi and they took me vrindavan, and we met indradev saraswati ji & aniruddhacharya ji & got darshan of premanand maharaj ji(but didn't talked), both explains me that behave good,etc . And because of this all i didn't studied, and left regular schooling, now i'm getting the point that bhakti can be done in grihasta also, but at that time i was seeing grihasta ashram with a mindset - people who can't sacrifice material world, and bramhachari are the top most devotee, i was thinking to leave house to do lifetime bhakti as a saint, i'll never study just do bhakti, become a extraordinary bramhachari,etc.
and a lot of things in just 3 years.....
now i feel so shame & guilty about my mindset & behaviour , i make my parents & sister cry a lot, but now the condition is somehow better ,i behave somehow good, and took admission from open schooling, and doing a little bit bhakti(jap only), but i 've made a very bad image in front of my area people & a hare krishna bace is located in my area, my parents also took me there and told them my conditions with some extra toppings and i think my parents created my bad image to my friends, vaishnavas of hare krishna bace, relatives, people in my area. due to this i can't do bhakti in open area, i feel so shame in front of vaishnavas, but i've a childhood vaishnav friend from i feel good with him, and we're childhood friends, i don't know when he joined hare krishna/iskcon, but i feel awkward to talk bhakti related thing to him, but he sometimes talked in this topic, in short i've a few vaishnav friend, can't go temple, can't do proper bhakti, etc, even my parents & sister don't talk much about bhakti, sometimes they give me toned-"3 saal to aise hi barbaad kar diye tune apne bhi hamare bhi", i feel so bad, now i can't talk/do bhakti in front of him otherwise they'll thought ki- "ye ghar se bhaagkar sanyasi banna chahta hai", etc. please cure this ,i fell so bad that if i 've did normal bhakti at that time (2023-2025) , so till now maybe my whole family have joined iskcon, but now i can regret only .
Replies
Hare Krsna
I see you are being very hard on your self and your family.
Not everyone is expected to become a doctor or an engineer or a sannyasi.
In your connection I would like to quote from Bhagavad- gita As It Is Chapter 2 verse 40 Purport so that you can take some heart from it and don't loose all hope in life.
" One percent done in Krsna consciousness bears permanent results, so that the next begining is from the point of two percent, whereas in material activity without a hundred percent success there is no profit. "
There is a nice verse in this connection in Srimad-Bhagavatam (1.5.17):
tyaktva sva-dharmam caranaambujam harer
bhajann apakvo 'tha patet tato yadi
yatra kva vaabhadram abhuud amusya kim
ko vaartha aapto 'bhajataam sva-dharmatah
" If someone gives up his occupational duties and works in Krsna consciousness and then falls on account of not completing his work, what loss is there on his part? And what can one gain if one performs his material activities perfectly? "
So, in the long run one needs to perform activities in Krsna consciousness but you also need to give some focus to your studies without being attached to the results. Also, stop having expectations from your family. Let Krsna take care of them. They belong to Krsna anyway.
Take it slow and if you notice any gradual improvement or gain some clarity then do keep posting.
Hari bol
Hare Krsna Prabhu,
PAMHO.
Its a very common trap that youngsters fall into - they use bhakti to escape from material struggles of life. Whatever has happened has happened. You have also realised that you made mistakes in that phase. Hota hai. Dont worry too much about it.
For now, what you need to focus on is your studies and your devotion, in that order. Having lost 3 years of acedamics. naturally you have some catching up to do. Please give that priority. Apart from that, sincerely chant your rounds of mahamantra. All other devotional activities can be put on hold until such time you become better / settled in studies. If you chant your rounds sincerely, even if it is only 4 rounds to begin with, there is sure to be purification of heart and soul. Your nature will become softer and you will become more respectful towards elders. Parents know us best, and they are sure to notice these changes in you. Who doesnt want an obedient child, that too in late teens/ early 20s. To top it all, a son who doesnt have any bad habits (naturally you will follow the 4 regulative principles, right?) If you want your family to take to devotion, you have to preach with your mouth shut. You have to preach by changing your behaviour and nature. This will convince them more than anything else that you are on the right path. They are sure to take it up sooner rather than later. But be prepared, even if they dont take to this path, doesnt matter. You still continue being respectful.
THe path I am telling you is longer, much more patience and perseverance is required on this path. At the same time, it is much more fruitful and long lasting.
There are no short cuts in life.
Best of luck,
your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
Hare Krishna,
First ye baat toh clear hai ki tumko koi bhakti vakti nahi hai.
Ye bhakti tumko apni zindagi se door bhagne ka upaay jaisa lag raha hai
ye bhakti tumko lagta hai padhai chhodhne ka easy techinique lagta hai.
Pass ya fail ho jaao log bhakt toh ban sakte hai .. ye mentality hai tumhari.
Hum ne Brahmachariyon ko ISKCON mein dekha hai veh bahut Padhe likhe hai. Shastra adhyayan.. aur charcha karte hai. Jaise humare Amerendra Prabhu ji hai, ya fir dekho Amogh Leela prabhu ji hai ya fir.. Gaurang Prabhu hai ye sab bahut padhe likhe hai. They are accomplished people. They made a sacrifice and they took up the parth of Bhakti. Not that they are quitting studies and gharwalon aur society ke taano se bachne ya fir padhai se bachne ke liye ISCKON nahi join kiya. They did study well.. secured seat in Enginnering colleges and became successful in their studies and even got jobs and didn't like it and totally became renunciate joined Iskcon with Sampoorn samarpan and Vairagya.
Kahan hai aap mein aise gun?
I agree you are frustrated because of failure in exam and because your parents and sisters abuses you became angry and started to retaliate and fight and became bad in their eyes and society.
I have sympathise with you.
I cannot see any bhakti in you right now. Just keep studying in open university and do work hard this time and Prove it to the World that you changed and you became a DEVOTEE AS WELL AS A Good person and an accomplished person also in the material world.
EVEN if it is open University also... still there is a way to come out of this and regain respect and regain the lost confidence.
Work hard.and show prove it.
I know you can do it. You just need the support.
Real Bhakti will flow within you when everything is coming back to you.. lost time, lost respect in the eyes of parents, sister and society. Believe in your innerself that is Parmatma and start working hard.
First I would say.... forget about everyone near you and just FOCUS ON the goal ( how to pass the classes)
Make a chart a timetable and study daily. INCLUDE 2 mala japa of Mahamantra daily ( for the start). Believe that Krishna is sitting with you to help you study and this time there is no way you can fail.
Once you achieve success all will follow your path and become Vaishnavas in your family. But to make others Vaishnava you need to prove to them that Krishna helps you to pass exam. Krishna made you a good person.
Slowly become nice in your dealing with your family members and surrounding people. Become a peaceful soul
Emotional mat bano. Emotions poore sideline karo aur FOCUS ON THE PRESENT. WHAT SHOULD I DO to become Successful???????? What are the ways?
Where there is a will there is surely a way.
Hare Krishna