Downfall in Krishna Consciousness

Hare Krishna everyone, dandvat pranam ji. Please accept my humble obeisances.

I am practicing Krishna consciousness from last 3 years. When I was child, I love krishna only by seeing the beautiful pictures of krishna, the serial krishna(Ramanand Sagar.) & other no knowledge. But with the passage of time as i grew up, I forget krishna due to external environment-the great maya force.(energy of Lord). Fortunately in my college time & in my professional field, some experiences has been happened to me with which i feel very much hurted & after that i realised that i forget krishna in earlier years bcoz we are a part of krishna, so we shud remember this. So, immediately I started krishna consciousness with the mercy of my devotee friend. Now I love to sing glories of Shri Radhakrishna.I love to preach. I have read Shri Bhagavad Gita, Now a days reading Shri Bhagvatam. Sometimes my meditation is very good & i feel nectar also..Sometimes i cry (in loving sense) for krishna thinking about the beauty of Shri krishna. Sometimes i cry that krishna wen will you come to take me away from this bondage.I frequently go to vrindavan, Barsane & Goverdhan.I love to do research more & more on the glories of shri krishna, on topics- the creation of world, before creation,etc. My chanting rounds was also gud but now i sing only glories only. But still I want to discuss my following problems which creates so much disturbances in my spiritual Progress i.e. Krishna Consciousness. Please , I request you to help me to sort out the solutions.

I am passing through deep pain. 1. I am following all regulative principles naturally not forcibly except the only one-"Illicit Sex". I have never maintain any physical relation with a girl. But due to wrong association in my earlier years, I got the habit of watching adult content & masturbating & once i have done vulgar chat on phone through online payment .Though i cried a lot after performing such act . I always start practicing again my krishna consciousness activity after feeling guiltiness. This urge start disturbing me always when my meditation in krishna consciousness was so good.This happened to me many times, & i have always started again KC.I request all of you to please don't misunderstand me.This is very much genuine problem which i m trying to describe you.

2. Secondly, i m very much struggling hard with my career. Previously i was doing job & i have resigned from 3 companies.I always doing my work with full sincerity & dedication but my managers always trying to do controversies with me , defeating , abusing sometimes.They intentionally sometimes provoke me by making fun of me & my spiritual practice.Whenever i tried to counter their answers they make complaints.They pressurized me to leave job.then I started my own business in my field, but still i am unable to earn for livelihood. I have no greed for money.But still i have to earn for my parents who has helped me to this stage so that i can do bhakti. Due to such financial crisis in my home, parents also got irritated so much that sometimes they arguing with me at very heated level against my krishna consciousness. Due to such situations sometimes i say to them that i will leave for vrindavan & will chant the harinaam even without food. I want to respect my parents but due to such situations sometimes i feel uncomfortable even with my parents.But still i can't direspect them bcoz they help me from my childhood to this age.So i always pray to lord to give happiness to my parents.I always pranam my parents in my heart. Even my family members , relatives , cousins all are against me.That's why i have no interest now in family relations..I really want to go vrindavan but i have to do karam also for my parents , to give love to them.It's very complicated situation for me now a days.

3. My Last problem is that I am unable to understand my devotion bcoz as soon as heated arguments done with family, etc. & such illicit behavior, i immediately cried s lot & then start my bhakti again. And all the time i only thinking that what krishna will think about me that how is this devotee. I feel very much nectar in krishna consciousness but still i m unable to understand my devotion.That is "MYSELF".

I also read a lecture of prabhupada ji as follows-http://www.kkswami.com/texts/vows/reference/falldown-from-spiritual-life.php

whatever i read in this lecture, i think that i m also in this category.

I request all of you, to please help me. I am hating myself.Waiting for your reply

Falldown from Spiritual Life

Living with Vows

kkswami.com

SB 9.19.1 — Śukadeva Gosvāmī said: O Mahārāja Parīkṣit, Yayāti was very much attached to woman. In due course of time, however, when disgusted with sexual enjoyment and its bad effects, he renounced this way of life and narrated the following story to his beloved wife.

SB 9.19.2 — My dearly beloved wife, daughter of Śukrācārya, in this world there was someone exactly like me. Please listen as I narrate the history of his life. By hearing about the life of such a householder, those who have retired from householder life always lament.

SB 9.19.3 — While wandering in the forest, eating to satisfy his senses, a he-goat by chance approached a well, in which he saw a she-goat standing helplessly, having fallen into it by the influence of the results of fruitive activities.

SB 9.19.4 — After planning how to get the she-goat out of the well, the lusty he-goat dug up the earth on the well’s edge with the point of his horns in such a way that she was able to come out very easily.

SB 9.19.5-6 — When the she-goat, who had very nice hips, got out of the well and saw the very handsome he-goat, she desired to accept him as her husband. When she did so, many other she-goats also desired him as their husband because he had a very beautiful bodily structure and a nice mustache and beard and was expert in discharging semen and in the art of sexual intercourse. Therefore, just as a person haunted by a ghost exhibits madness, the best of the he-goats, attracted by the many she-goats, engaged in erotic activities and naturally forgot his real business of self-realization.

SB 9.19.7 — When the she-goat who had fallen into the well saw her beloved goat engaged in sexual affairs with another she-goat, she could not tolerate the goat’s activities.

SB 9.19.8 — Aggrieved by her husband’s behavior with another, the she-goat thought that the he-goat was not actually her friend but was hardhearted and was her friend only for the time being. Therefore, because her husband was lusty, she left him and returned to her former maintainer.

SB 9.19.9 — Being very sorry, the he-goat, who was subservient to his wife, followed the she-goat on the road and tried his best to flatter her, but he could not pacify her.

SB 9.19.10 — The she-goat went to the residence of a brāhmaṇa who was the maintainer of another she-goat, and that brāhmaṇa angrily cut off the he-goat’s dangling testicles. But at the he-goat’s request, the brāhmaṇa later rejoined them by the power of mystic yoga.

SB 9.19.11 — My dear wife, when the he-goat had his testicles restored, he enjoyed the she-goat he had gotten from the well, but although he continued to enjoy for many, many years, even now he has not been fully satisfied.

SB 9.19.12 — O my dear wife with beautiful eyebrows, I am exactly like that he-goat, for I am so poor in intelligence that I am captivated by your beauty and have forgotten the real task of self-realization.

SB 9.19.13 — A person who is lusty cannot satisfy his mind even if he has enough of everything in this world, including rice, barley and other food grains, gold, animals and women. Nothing can satisfy him.

SB 9.19.14 — As supplying butter to a fire does not diminish the fire but instead increases it more and more, the endeavor to stop lusty desires by continual enjoyment can never be successful. [In fact, one must voluntarily cease from material desires.]

SB 9.19.15 — When a man is nonenvious and does not desire ill fortune for anyone, he is equipoised. For such a person, all directions appear happy.

SB 9.19.16 — For those who are too attached to material enjoyment, sense gratification is very difficult to give up. Even when one is an invalid because of old age, one cannot give up such desires for sense gratification. Therefore, one who actually desires happiness must give up such unsatisfied desires, which are the cause of all tribulations.

SB 9.19.17 — One should not allow oneself to sit on the same seat even with one’s own mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that even though one is very advanced in knowledge, he may be attracted by sex.

SB 9.19.18 — I have spent a full one thousand years enjoying sense gratification, yet my desire to enjoy such pleasure increases daily.

SB 9.19.19 — Therefore, I shall now give up all these desires and meditate upon the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Free from the dualities of mental concoction and free from false prestige, I shall wander in the forest with the animals.

SB 9.19.20 — One who knows that material happiness, whether good or bad, in this life or in the next, on this planet or on the heavenly planets, is temporary and useless, and that an intelligent person should not try to enjoy or even think of such things, is the knower of the self. Such a self-realized person knows quite well that material happiness is the very cause of continued material existence and forgetfulness of one’s own constitutional position.

----------------------------------------------------.

SB 6.14.3 — In this material world there are as many living entities as atoms. Among these living entities, a very few are human beings, and among them, few are interested in following religious principles.

SB 6.14.4 — O best of the brāhmaṇas, Śukadeva Gosvāmī, out of many persons who follow religious principles, only a few desire liberation from the material world. Among many thousands who desire liberation, one may actually achieve liberation, giving up material attachment to society, friendship, love, country, home, wife and children. And among many thousands of such liberated persons, one who can understand the true meaning of liberation is very rare.

SB 6.14.5 — O great sage, among many millions who are liberated and perfect in knowledge of liberation, one may be a devotee of Lord Nārāyaṇa, or Kṛṣṇa. Such devotees, who are fully peaceful, are extremely rare

Replies

- krishna das > 3ruf705dlznca May 8, 2016 at 9:26pm
  
  Hare krishna Prabhuji,
  
  Earlier you advised me about my query, I gladly appreciate that, but unfortunately I am again into the trap of maya very severly. My situation is more worse than earlier. I am unable to control my sexual urge( addicting to masturbation). I feel ashamed of myself that I am doing henious acts on internet by chatting vulgar words with opposite sex on skype, etc.I am really feeling very much guilty.Regarding situation with my family, it also became more worse now, they are not understanding me & my sentiments regarding krishna consciousness.I feel lonely in my family. They told me that I am an idiot & a bad son.They are looking for a gal for my marriage,after 2-3 meeting with different gal, there is no response from gal's family regarding marriage & family blames me that i m the main culprit that i tell my hobbies regarding kc, thats why i m not getting the partner.Family is saying to me that i should not discuss about kc while meeting with partner.Regularly heated arguments are there with me & my family. I am in deep pain & disturbed. I really want to quit my home or life. They are not understanding me emotionally also. My situation is very worse mataji :(. I broked into tears regularly. I think I have lost my bhakti..Please guide me what to do. Nor, I am able to go darshan sometimes , my family interrupted me not to go frequently. Nobody is supporting me.Due to materialistic environment I got so much lusty desires, I told my family that i dont want to do marriage, I want to quit material life & I want to take shelter under vrindavan dham . They are not understanding me.I have no words to describe my problem.please help :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
  - krishna das > krishna das May 8, 2016 at 9:34pm
    
    family also interrupts me to meet sanyasis also. Through some person i got to know one sanyasi who is pure. & I wish to meet him, but family denides me they say, that i will take sanyas , etc.They dont allow me to meet.they say that sanyasis will change my thoughts n all. they taking it in negative way.
    
    Seen 9:33pm
    - 3ruf705dlznca > krishna das May 9, 2016 at 5:29am
      
      SB 9.19.1 — Śukadeva Gosvāmī said: O Mahārāja Parīkṣit, Yayāti was very much attached to woman. In due course of time, however, when disgusted with sexual enjoyment and its bad effects, he renounced this way of life and narrated the following story to his beloved wife.
      
      SB 9.19.2 — My dearly beloved wife, daughter of Śukrācārya, in this world there was someone exactly like me. Please listen as I narrate the history of his life. By hearing about the life of such a householder, those who have retired from householder life always lament.
      
      SB 9.19.3 — While wandering in the forest, eating to satisfy his senses, a he-goat by chance approached a well, in which he saw a she-goat standing helplessly, having fallen into it by the influence of the results of fruitive activities.
      
      SB 9.19.4 — After planning how to get the she-goat out of the well, the lusty he-goat dug up the earth on the well’s edge with the point of his horns in such a way that she was able to come out very easily.
      
      SB 9.19.5-6 — When the she-goat, who had very nice hips, got out of the well and saw the very handsome he-goat, she desired to accept him as her husband. When she did so, many other she-goats also desired him as their husband because he had a very beautiful bodily structure and a nice mustache and beard and was expert in discharging semen and in the art of sexual intercourse. Therefore, just as a person haunted by a ghost exhibits madness, the best of the he-goats, attracted by the many she-goats, engaged in erotic activities and naturally forgot his real business of self-realization.
      
      SB 9.19.7 — When the she-goat who had fallen into the well saw her beloved goat engaged in sexual affairs with another she-goat, she could not tolerate the goat’s activities.
      
      SB 9.19.8 — Aggrieved by her husband’s behavior with another, the she-goat thought that the he-goat was not actually her friend but was hardhearted and was her friend only for the time being. Therefore, because her husband was lusty, she left him and returned to her former maintainer.
      
      SB 9.19.9 — Being very sorry, the he-goat, who was subservient to his wife, followed the she-goat on the road and tried his best to flatter her, but he could not pacify her.
      
      SB 9.19.10 — The she-goat went to the residence of a brāhmaṇa who was the maintainer of another she-goat, and that brāhmaṇa angrily cut off the he-goat’s dangling testicles. But at the he-goat’s request, the brāhmaṇa later rejoined them by the power of mystic yoga.
      
      SB 9.19.11 — My dear wife, when the he-goat had his testicles restored, he enjoyed the she-goat he had gotten from the well, but although he continued to enjoy for many, many years, even now he has not been fully satisfied.
      
      SB 9.19.12 — O my dear wife with beautiful eyebrows, I am exactly like that he-goat, for I am so poor in intelligence that I am captivated by your beauty and have forgotten the real task of self-realization.
      
      SB 9.19.13 — A person who is lusty cannot satisfy his mind even if he has enough of everything in this world, including rice, barley and other food grains, gold, animals and women. Nothing can satisfy him.
      
      SB 9.19.14 — As supplying butter to a fire does not diminish the fire but instead increases it more and more, the endeavor to stop lusty desires by continual enjoyment can never be successful. [In fact, one must voluntarily cease from material desires.]
      
      SB 9.19.15 — When a man is nonenvious and does not desire ill fortune for anyone, he is equipoised. For such a person, all directions appear happy.
      
      SB 9.19.16 — For those who are too attached to material enjoyment, sense gratification is very difficult to give up. Even when one is an invalid because of old age, one cannot give up such desires for sense gratification. Therefore, one who actually desires happiness must give up such unsatisfied desires, which are the cause of all tribulations.
      
      SB 9.19.17 — One should not allow oneself to sit on the same seat even with one’s own mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that even though one is very advanced in knowledge, he may be attracted by sex.
      
      SB 9.19.18 — I have spent a full one thousand years enjoying sense gratification, yet my desire to enjoy such pleasure increases daily.
      
      SB 9.19.19 — Therefore, I shall now give up all these desires and meditate upon the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Free from the dualities of mental concoction and free from false prestige, I shall wander in the forest with the animals.
      
      SB 9.19.20 — One who knows that material happiness, whether good or bad, in this life or in the next, on this planet or on the heavenly planets, is temporary and useless, and that an intelligent person should not try to enjoy or even think of such things, is the knower of the self. Such a self-realized person knows quite well that material happiness is the very cause of continued material existence and forgetfulness of one’s own constitutional position.
      
      ----------------------------------------------------.
      
      .
      
      SB 6.14.3 — In this material world there are as many living entities as atoms. Among these living entities, a very few are human beings, and among them, few are interested in following religious principles.
      
      SB 6.14.4 — O best of the brāhmaṇas, Śukadeva Gosvāmī, out of many persons who follow religious principles, only a few desire liberation from the material world. Among many thousands who desire liberation, one may actually achieve liberation, giving up material attachment to society, friendship, love, country, home, wife and children. And among many thousands of such liberated persons, one who can understand the true meaning of liberation is very rare.
      
      SB 6.14.5 — O great sage, among many millions who are liberated and perfect in knowledge of liberation, one may be a devotee of Lord Nārāyaṇa, or Kṛṣṇa. Such devotees, who are fully peaceful, are extremely rare
      
      .
- krishna das > 3ruf705dlznca November 15, 2015 at 7:34pm
  
  Thank you dear Dean Prabhuji for advising me
  
  Hare krishna :)

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