Hare krishna,
pamho:agtsp;
i understand brahmacharis remain away from females in order to save them self from attraction. but how then one can save himself after getting married and have direct associaiton and dealings with wife from lust and attraction.
it will be nice if grhstha devotees give suggestions.i understand grhstha ashram is difficult.
Replies
Hare Krsna,
His divine grace, A.C Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, has given explanations in several different books, especially the Srimad Bhagavatam, on this topic of lust. The quotes below should help to understand better this topic, which is so important.
From the Srimad Bhagavatam, 3rd Canto:
"O Vidura, we have heard that Brahma had a daughter named Vak who was born from his body and who attracted his mind toward sex, although she was not sexually inclined towards him. "
"Maitreya hesitated to state this anomaly on the part of Brahma, who was sexually inclined to his own
daughter, but still he mentioned it because sometimes it so happens, and the living example is Brahma himself, although he is the primeval living being and the most learned within the whole universe. If Brahma could be
a victim of the sexual urge, then what of others, who are prone to so many mundane frailties?"
"One should, however, take serious note of this incident. The human being is a social animal, and his unrestricted mixing with the fair sex leads to downfall. Such social freedom of man and woman, especially among
the younger section, is certainly a great stumbling block on the path of spiritual progress. Material bondage is due only to sexual bondage, and therefore unrestricted association of man and woman is surely a great
impediment. Maitreya cited this example on the part of Brahma just to bring to our notice this great danger."
From the Srimad Bhagavatam, 5th Canto:
"The King continued: O great brahmana, this is my great doubt. How was it possible for a person like King Priyavrata, who was so attached to wife, children and home, to achieve the topmost infallible perfection in Krsna consciousness? King Pariksit wondered how a person so attached to wife, children and home could become so perfectly Krsna conscious. Prahlada Maharaja has said: 'A grhavrata, one who has taken a vow to execute family duties, has no chance to become Krsna conscious. This is because most grhavratas are guided by sense gratification and therefore gradually glide down to the darkest regions of material existence (adanta-gobhir visatam tamisram). How can they possibly become perfect in Krsna consciousness? Maharaja Pariksit asked Sukadeva Gosvami to resolve this great doubt.'
"Ksatriyas and grhasthas, however, actually need the encouragement of their wives in order to execute their duties. Indeed, a grhastha or ksatriya cannot properly execute his responsibilities without the association of his wife."
"Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu personally admitted that a grhastha must live with a wife. Ksatriyas were even allowed to have many wives to encourage them in discharging the duties of government. The association of a good wife is necessary in a life of karma and political affairs."
"Generally when people are powerful or when they have a beautiful wife, a beautiful home and material popularity, they become more and more entangled. Priyavrata Maharaja, however, having been completely trained by the great sage Narada, revived his Krsna consciousness in spite of all impediments."
"In other words, a suitable wife helps her husband perform penances and austerities in household life if both of them are on the same elevated platform of spiritual understanding. Without spiritual understanding,
husband and wife cannot be equally situated. Lord Brahma, the creator of the universe, is interested in good progeny. Therefore unless he is pleased, one cannot get a suitable wife. In fact, Lord Brahma is worshiped in marriage ceremonies. In India even today, wedding invitations are still issued with a picture of Lord Brahma on the face of
the card."
"Even if one is a grhastha and has to earn his livelihood, he should be satisfied by collecting only enough money to
maintain body and soul together. One should not have more than that nor less than that. As indicated herein, a householder should endeavor to earn money for the execution of bhakti-yoga--sravanam kirtanam visnoh
smaranam pada-sevanam. arcanam vandanam dasyam sakhyam atma-nivedanam. A householder should lead such a life that he gets full opportunity to hear and chant. He should worship the Deity at home. observe festivals, invite
friends in and give them prasada. A householder should earn money for this purpose, not for sense gratification."
"In the grhasthaasrama one has to accept invitations from friends and relatives and
perform ritualistic ceremonies. By so doing, one becomes captivated by such things, although he may not have sufficient resources to continue them. To maintain the grhastha life-style, one has to work very hard to
acquire money. Thus one is implicated in material life, and he suffers the thorn pricks."
"Sex is full of dangers even for those who are addicted to household life. Whether one has a license for sex or not, there is great trouble. Bahuduhkha-bhak: after one indulges in sex, many volumes of miseries ensue."
"The Vedic system of four varnas and four asramas is very scientific, and its entire purpose is to enable one to control the senses. Before entering household life (grhastha-asrama), a student is fully trained to become jitendriya, a conqueror of the senses. Such a mature student is allowed to become a householder, and because he was first trained in conquering his senses, he retires from household life and becomes vanaprastha as soon as the strong waves of youthful life are past and he reaches the verge of old age at fifty years or slightly more. Then, after being further trained, he accepts sannyasa. He is then a fully learned and renounced person who can move anywhere and everywhere without fear of being captivated by material desires. The senses are considered very powerful enemies. As a king in a strong fortress can conquer powerful enemies, so a householder in grhastha-asrama, household life, can conquer
the lusty desires of youth and be very secure when he takes vanaprastha and sannyasa."
Hari Bol,