my name is harikrishna. im 19 years old. im studying BCA in India currently.. and im in touch with iskcon since 7 years. im from a sri vaishnava family. my father is a sri vaishnava and my mother is Hindu. it was intercaste marriage. i sarted coming regularly to iskcon when i was 15.(10th std). i stared chanting, reading, doing sankirtan in home, putting tilak even in my school. everything was going fine. i came to 2nd PU, and when my exams got over the results were out and i score first class(65%). i was not able to study well. and my parents were not happy with my results. from then onwards they gradually restricted me to go to temple, following temple principles, chanting, sankirtana,, everything was forbidden in my home.. at that situation i felt bad about my parents and stared going against them. because at that time i was not able to calm down and think what is right and what is wrong.. everything became even worst..
june 13th 2010,,
it was sunday. my dad and mom took me to kerala to some temple to do some puja, vrata for me so that i quit/ giveup my KC..we just arrived to our home on sunday. i still remember that the time was 4:15 p.m. asusual i tok bath and wore my dhoti. i was about to go to temple and my mom for the first time in my life stopped me from going to temple. i asked,pleaded and even begged but it did not make any difference. everything was imperfect.they told me to take rest in the home as we had travelled long distance from kerala.i just kept quiet and started chanting in my room. but suddenly they came back and told me to go along with tem for a function outside.. i told them the same thing that i was tired and i cant come.. but they forced me to go with them to some inaugaral function. we sat in that function till 8 30..and then returned home.. i hope this was the first move made by my parents against my krishna conciousness life.this incident struck deeply in my heart and i was disturbed because i was not allowed to go to temple for the first time even after pleasing and begging my parents to send me...
june 20th 2010,,
knowing about the last weeks incident i just kept quiet in the morning and i dint spoke a word about the temple. I think this was the worst incident i ever faced in my life. it was already 6 in the evening and i usually was about to go to temple and all of a sudden my mother stopped me and locked the door. it was weird.this time i did not asked,pleased or begged. I just stood boldly and told that i have to go. she told me leave but on one condition. i was told to leave thinking my parents are dead. they even told me to leave for once and dont come back again, i just kept quiet and started moving toward the door,,my mom started shouting and became angry towards me. she brought my clothes and throwed them out of the house. stilll i was silent.then i came inside and i noticed that there were three photos missing in the altar. and they were srila prabhupada, panchatatva and guru parampara. my mom had already removed this photos from the altar. i was speechless for a moment. i became so angry that i had no control on my tongue. i was not even aware of what was i speaking. i cried, shouted at them.
june 24th 2010,,
it was panihatti festival, and i wanted to go and attain the festival. so asked my parents to send me,, but they spoke very badly about the devotees and temple.i could not tollerate it and i was crying and shouting,,, my father had told me that he would convince my mother to send me to the panihatti festivel.. but he too cheated me and kept quiet as if he knew nothing... even my father shouted at me and started asking why am i not listening to him and why am i not following his words. he also told that everything is because of ISKCON and he told that the devotees have brain washed me. my father forced me to remove my kanti mala. he even spoke many bad words about the temple which i myself dont wanna remember. i still remember the incident that happened on 22nd which was 2 days before. 22 jue 2010 was ekadashi, normally i perform abhishekam for the deites in my home.on ekadashi we perform panchamrta abhishekam for their lordships lakshmiNarasimha. i followed normal procedure jus like the one in temple
( not sri vaishnava system-- because i was not taught anything from my parents about deity worship since child hood. i was jus born in the family and i visited temples in tamil nadu. BUT I WASANT TAUGHT ANYTHING RELIGIOUS PRACTICE OR PROCEDURE OF DEITY WORSHIP OR PERFORMING ABHISHEKA ) so i started the abhisheka with normal sankalpa in which guru and gauranga's photo is kept on the either side of the deities. that day my father spoke direspectfully about srila prabhupada..
27th june 2010
today there was maha cleaning in my home. so i took bath and started cleaning the altar. everything was removed from the altar and i wiped the tiles of the altar.i started arranging the photos and also palcing the deities inside the altar.i even plaed the deities of their lorships jagannatha, baladeva and subhadra mayya. and i kept srila prabhupad's photo on the top followed by guru parampara and panchatatva pahoto. seeing this my father forced me to remove prabhupada's photo from the altar.but i protested and somehow convinced my father to keep prahupad's photo to the bottom step in our altar.still i kept quiet and i was trying to controll my anger and never spoke a word. my father even told me to keep jagannath's deities outside the altar in the showcase. but u totally disagreed this statement and explained him the importance of the deites and convinced him. even today he stopped me from going to temple. But somehow by prabhupad's grace i was able to come out of the house as there were some guests in my home. And i finally had the darshan of the lord that day..
After having darshan of their lordships sri sri krishna and balarama i participated in the kirtan. it was 5 30 p.m. my father called a devotee in the temple and told him that he would cancell my tickets to jagannath puri rathyatra which was next month.hearing this prabhu called me and spoke to me personally. he even came to my home at 7 00 p.m. and spoke with my parents about the issue.they told prabhu that they would send me to jaannatha puri on one condition that i have to take up a degree(BCA/BBM) i was totaly against this and disagreed with my parents.but my parents forced me to agree and forced me to promise on bhagavat gita. even prabhu told me to take up BCA. but he told me to struggle for prabhupada an take tapasya so that even by staying outside i can practice KC and become mentally strong and fit. i told that i would take up a degree and complete it, but only on one condition that i must e allowed to go to temple on sundays. even my parents agreed for this infront of prabhu and deities. fom that day i gradually started coming to temple once again.even my mom started to understand me and even she started changing positively. but my dad remained the same. he was always against iskcon. even though he allowed me to go to temple, he started telling wrong things about temple outside.. from that day till now 2011 for about one and a half years i have not spoke to my father properly.
even now he force me to stop doing abhishekam according to temple(ISKCON) procedures. he stops me putting tilak, he tels me to remove khantimala etc..,
to be frank im the only person in my home who do not eat onion and garlic in home. but still now my father make my grandma to cook onion. and i have a elder sister(23) she also tell my grandma to cook onion. so these things are going on..
but still as a part of my duty im somehow doing abhisheka to the deities of LAKSHMINRASIMHA...
but i fell guilty and i feel that im doing a great offence because im not maintaing the standards of deity worship as my home conditions are not good.
HISTORY OF THE DEITIES IN MY HOME: actually when my father had went to mayapur in 2010 when i was in 10th std. there he told some devotee that i was not studying well and i was not listening to my father. so hearing this that devotee gave him this deity of LAKSHMINARASIMHA to my father and him to give to his son and tell him to do abhisheka for 45 days and everything will be alright.this was told from my father. so he returned home and told me everything. i even did abhisheka for 45 days. but after completion of 45 days dint stop but instead i started doing abhisheka on ekadashis.. till now im doing the same.. but even now my father tells me not to do abhisheka according to ISKCON procedures.
every time i enter the altar i do achaman ,wear dhoti,tilak. but my father wont wear dhoti or do achaman he directly enters altar.. he always brings deities to home and never take care of them and leaves everything for me,, but he even wont let me to take care properly,,,, like this he has brought 3 laddugopal deities from vrindavan and mathura and dwaraka. and 1 deity of sri LAKSHMINARASIMHA from mayapur. so he always do such things.. he even wont let me do anything properly. even now though there are such deities in the home he cooks onion in home. and he gives lectures and comments about the devotees and procedure of abhisheka followed by ISKCON. im feeling guilty and I FEEL LIKE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND I FEEL LEAVING EVERYTHING TO MY FATHER. LET HIM WORSHIP THE DEITIES ACCORDING TO HIS PROCEDURE.
but still i feel like im not not following my duty im feeling guilty,,,, so im in a confusion to do abhisheka or let my father do it on his own... but i cant do it further in such a house where the whole home is polluted. everyone eats onion and even if i tell my father to not go inside the altar he wot listen to me, he does whatever he want to do..
so shall i leave evrything to my father and just concentrate on my sadhana, chanting and attending temple programs and abhishekam in temple and sankirtan in temple as i was doing before 2-3 years? can i just lend more time towards temple instead of fighitng with my father about the deity worship in home? plzzz help me im dying from months to get a solution,,, BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE,, im planning to shift myself from home to different city to study further after BCA.. someday or the other i have to leave,,, and i leave to some other place what about the deities? who will take care of them... if leave my home and go to some other city to study, is it a SIN or NOT? If it a SIN then who will take care of the deities.. shall i jus leave everything to my father and concentrate on my activities in temple and kirtana,,, if do so is it worng?
PLZZZ HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
harikrishnai want especially Sarvopama dasa ACBSP prabhu and also Bhaktin Maral mataji to please answer my question.