I have a question,
While I am doing Japa, I do it either by looking at picture of Krishna or just doing Japa while looking around )...
When I am doing Japa now and again my concentration is sort of ok. Sometimes I think all kind of thing like .
what wil i eat later,
omg i am so hungry, what will i cook later
did i pay my rent?
oh I hate my job, i have to goto work later..
One thing I think when I am doing Japa is i chant Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, then in my mind I think (while chanting), sort of think but kind of like say, I am servant of rama or krishna'
Its sort of wierd when I want to concentrate on chanting, then I feel sort of mild (lol) boredom, I cant pinpoint the repetion can get to me. And I feel frustrated like why am I even doing this.
I mean boredom/frustration, the repetition gets to me. Then i pull myself back a little, and say to myself just get on with it. Its almost like some japa is pretty good sometimes. Sort of like eating bland food sometimes its horrible japa. And i feel like packing it in. But i dont usually.
I mean is it all about concentration? Or feelings? Or giving up stuff? If i close my eyes while doing japa i think of TV series lol or some other stuff so i keep them open.
I do feel a little scared if i do good japa and think man im doing good today, I need to be like a full blown vaishnava now lol. But that doesnt last long when my gas and electric bills come through the post!
Do i think of my soul while chanting in my heart thinking i am not this body?]
I know its not about the rounds (for vaishnava like Prabhupada) He can do 1 round, as He is from Goluka anyway, but we probably do have to. I mean just saying this goes to show the EGO associated with doing a few rounds, lol? I mean in hindu it would be like, thora japa kar diya, vaishnava bhan gaya!
Sorry for the long drawn out post. But i need to get this off my chest.)