I am a 12th passed and there is career goals and Bhakti responsibility in front of me and I also want to learn some skills too. But there is two problems-
Like Now, I want to learn animation & start a story channel and I have learnt to some extent but I have stopped now . Because whenever I go to learn some skills, in this case Animation, "I get attached to it" - this is 1st problem
And 2nd Problem is that my attitude, whatever I do either bhakti or skill learning or in career I want to give my best & do something extraordinary. Now in Animation I want to create amazing animation story videos(not connected directly to krishna like little krishna picture but my own imaginative or real stories) and the fruit of this which is money, I mostly give it and use it in krishna's service. That's my goal in this case.
But as I told in 1st problem and that is whenever I go to learn some skill I get attached to that skill and things related to that, and thing which hits me the most is that I am in Bhakti! so it is my responsibility to be attached to Krishna, my master, and when I do shravan-kirtan that put back my attachment to krishna but when I go to do my materialistic duty, I get attach to that.
So I feel it like a hypocrisy.
I feel like I am losing my commitment that I will go back home back to godhead in this lifetime and for that I have to do something extraordinary & that's why I am also ready to go to any extent but due to material family I am not able to do even best of my ability which hurts me the most "how krishna will feel that I had commited but now my activities are not to that good which make krishna to @ least give some of his mercy & I will not come back to him after this life". I have to chant by hiding myself, I also have no ISKCON centre in my area, it is very far, also urges which keep coming, Spiritual responsibilities, material responsibilities, etc. etc. Ah......What should I do?????? My mind is totally blown up.
If anyone can help please I will be thankful to you🙏🙏