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I was introduced to Krishna Consciousness in July 2017 and i used to chant only
1 round. Initially i was very strict and didnt masturbated till 26th December 2017
but at the night of that day i broke the regulative principle of illicit sex(masturbated by
watching adult content).
I was so much regretfull of that activity at that time and in remorse i doubled the rounds
from New Year. But in January and February in every 2-3 days i
constantly used to have had wet dreams. though i always used to give excuse to myself that it was not
me , i was not conscious at that time and all those type of excuses. And this used to
happen almost every 3-4 days. By mid of February i was bit worried and tried to seek out
all sorts of ways to get out of it but that driving force and motivation that i had when i was introduced to bhakti
to quit masturbation was not there. The Main factor for me was that i never opened any
website of adult content in this case except on 25 December from where this all started
and i used to say that since i was sleeping or halp asleep i have no fault. I never used to
watch adult content except the stimulations that came from brain but on 19 March 2018 i opened
the adult website and masturbated.And again on 5 april i did it again . i am thinking that will i be able to ever practice
bhakti and will krishna accept me again . there are so many questions revolving in my head.
and the biggest fear that i am no more Krishna Conscious . How will i again practice bhakti?
Will they accept me? am i going to hell ? how can i get rid of it? and a lot more.

please save me from this situation because you are a devotee . please have mercy upon me.

i am so much ashamed that i cannot even utter mahamantra out of my mouth. And continue to
doubt that will i again chat the mahamantra from next day.

PLEASE ! PLEASE ! PLEASE ! HELP ME.

i wish you would reply as soon as you have seen the mail because i do not know
what i will be doing from tomorrow. Right now i dont even have that intense regret
and devotion. I am just nill. Kind of in a depressed situation.

THANK YOU

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Prabhu ji can you fully explain how you used to do meditation on LORD VISHNU?? which picture you used to do this upon ?? for how much time ?? and finally will it not be impersonal ?? Please explain in detail. I am trying to do this now but i have fear of impersonalism.

Have you seen vishnu's images use that and think of it closing your eyes and imagine him in your heart do this as long as you chant do it while you chant close your eyes and meditate on vishnu while you do chanting 

Hare Krishna Puneet!

Thank you for expressing your inner feelings.

I am glad that Bhakta Abhaya Cauhan did mention about different stages of devotional services. Out of it "anartha nivruti--giving up unwanted things or desires --is most important factor. So, to get that stage,you must follow the other three preceeding states--1) sradha--interest in Krishna Consciousness, 2) sadhusanga--association of devotees, 3) bhajan kriya-- Chanting and kirtan.Then only you will be able to control your unwanted desires (anartha nivruti)

Here are some important procedure you have to follow:

1) Go to any nearby ISKCON center at the time of kirtan and just hear.

2) Eat only Krishna prasadam; Try not to eat any thing from out side.

3) Before sleeping, read at least one page from " Science of Self Realization" or any book written by Srilla Prabhupada.

4) Hear any Hare Krishna Bhajans of ISKCON  before sleeping.

5) Important Points from Ayurveda: Wash your both feets up to your knees with cold water just before sleeping.This will reduce the acidity from your body to help you to stop night falls.

Hope this will must help you!

Hare Krishna!!!

Also, you should not drink water after drinking milk in the night before sleeping to prevent night fall. If you want to drink milk,always drink hot milk only before sleeping.

Sri Guru Granth jayatu

*Will krsna accept me, will I ever be able to practice bhakti*---
-- krsna's love for us is not based on what we are but what He is. He unconditionally loves us. Just like for a mother, even if the son is a criminal she still loves him because she has that motherly feeling, tied with her parental relation bond. she may chastise her son or advice him to change, but her love will never vanish. Infact the definition of love is that ' love doesn't diminish even when there is every reason for it to collapse' .
So don't think that because of Ur activities krsna will dislike u, infact in the first place we are in this material world because we have tendency against krsna. If krsna was to hate us for such activities then He would have to hate this whole world filled with such non devotional acts performed by the living entities. Instead krsna expects that we will reform ourselves from this tendency. And yes He is not pushy also, He has given our time .He is waiting and watching and helping us from behind the screen. We just have to do our part.
And yes, fall down happens, even many times , a 1000+ times . Not that everyone of us are equally keeping up with our standards ,we all have our capacity , strengths and weaknesses, our habits, addiction, behaviour etc , we are all individuals and different from others, the same method for 1 person may not work for 2nd person. we have to try a different ways and another way and an other till it becomes successful. and we are on different stages or location points in this spiritual journey. So we have to progress from where we are at present and reach where we want to be in the end. We may be fast runner or slow Walker , doesn't matter much as long as v don't loose perspective of our goal. "So From Ur Place, At Ur Pace ,JOIN THE RACE".
In essence don't let Ur falldowns discourage u from practicing bhakti. Every devotee has his challenges and problem.but don't focus on problem, it is only a useless energy drainer. It will make u more and more negative thinker , making u believe that it is impossible or difficult. Focus on solutions, be a positive thinker , then u will succeed one day , tomorrow or in a future.

** I'm so ashamed that I can't even chant mahamantra**--

This is like a patient thinking I'm so diseased that I'm ashamed to meet the doctor. If the patient doesn't go to doctor, how will he be cured.
Same way our perverted acts are our diseases. It is not our innate nature. we are naturally v healthy. But when we have diseases we seem unhealthy. So what is undesirable is the 'disease' not the 'patient ' suffering from the disease. So the doctor hates the disease but loves the patient. Same way krsna hates our wrong doings(disease) but loves us (patient), and the mahamantra which is non different from krsna himself is the doctor who will treat us and relieve us from the disease and make us normal. So if Ur thinking that I'm falling down regularly, then this is a sufficient reason why u SHOULD chant the mahamantra.
One of the characteristic of bhakti is kleshagni , it is like a fire that will burnt away all our sins, sinful desires, etc. But yes , don't be impatient and look at this chanting as an experiment - ' oh I will chant for a month Nd check if desires are gone etc..' it will happen gradually, just like u grow, but u don't notice how or when u grew. When some far relative comes and meets u, they will say " oh last tym I saw u, u Wer v small. Now just see how big u hav grown up into" then v think, oh I hav really changed. So this change happens v slowly Nd internally, may not be readily observed outside. But in time , it will happen.
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For shore Krishna has instructed Hi's devotees to (direct all) our passions towards Him, that is to say* realising that the mind & body needs it's sexual essence in order to think remimber and grow mindlessly ejaculating is *very detrimental to one's physical strenth & mental/spiritual evolution. There-in lyes the dilima, as the sexual energies are the strongest energies in Nature
& most fruitful in many catyagorys of evolutions. So
Tantra is a path that teaches exploring the energies of sexuality without ejaculating. As it is the act of ejaculating without the intintion of propergating, that is the rub & the greevus loss of vitality, where-as exorcising of the prowis of the sexual energies, with out. The loss of vital fluids is considered a form of (skill) resulting in a greater/faster spiritual evolution!? Om Nahmo Sheviah! But finnaly I would say Krishna is the master of all / every type of energies. & so, if your intintions are aimed *as they should be, to submitting to Krishna & Krishna's will, for the perpuses of getting to know Him better & He you. We should certanly seek consistency *especially energetically. If our relatiinship is to flerish & grow strong & fast. No one knows how dangerous a freveliss sexual habits are.but we know it's desasterus in every way. Contaminating & shameful. Please consider the gravity of the importance of this oppertunity you've/we've been given. This "(Krishna's personal appearance* is an *Eternal past-time, but it only accrues Once* per
(the four seasions of time) or *Kulpah) & only in KallieUgah. Wher we are now! & then for only 10,000 years of which, 5,000 have allready past hence. If one stays in KarmicMode during this lifeTime the next "Humen birth might be ? Who knows when! The hole point of the (KC) Hare Nahma practices is to clame your identity as a humen being not just any being. To impress upon your own "mind through your own works & / association with the quality of divinity that is imbued by The Head Gods. So that your Spirit & mind will remember even after death & a torcherus Hellish karmic experience & even a (off the grid) animal birth,
y-our experience of God's service & association & by all means return to this position of an Oppertunity to reconcile our offensive behaviours. This is the great boon of the humen form. & ISKCON Is the best & most expodissus program or process for realizing this goal, of realizing #1 we need God's athoraty in our lives, as He is the only & supreme knower & controler of everyone & all things Subtal & gross #2 we are humen beings cought in a *downword spirel do to our poor fund of experience & knowledge. & that Darma is what we owe daily do to our abundance of offinces that are continuesly occurring in our lives intentionally and unwittingly & do to our mind's forgetfulness or/neglect.i.e. & laziness. We owe the experience of purification to our eternal self the Soul & to our mind because Faith born through direct experience is the greatest faith of all & over time becomes ever-lasting. This is the aim of ISKCON, to wash you/your mind of the delusional Ego that thinks that somehow it is mail or femails that it is importent or powerful. Or attractive with or without God. But this is Myah excepting we are controllers of absolutely nothing we just serve krishna & in the position of pleasher providers for Krishna as is why we were created by Him. But not in a mood of binnafactors but as helpless hopeless offenders by our nature. Server Krishna relentlessly & trust that He knows what is best for y-our relatiinship with Him. Chanting is certainly more enjoyable that Sex or even bickering with some partner in this constantly conflicting argumentative grehasta /married relationships. Young spirit please cherish your strengths & faculties. & this Oppertunity to rise up to the top of the living beings position by building your faith thorough direct perceptions & chanting. & in Short order sexually exploiting your gifts will appear as the enemy it is.

maranam bindu Patan

jivanam bindu rakshana

Yoga-sastra

 

"The loss of the seed leads to death, the preservation of the seed gives life."

Translation of the cited text from Vaarta Mala, written by one of the acharyas of Sri Sampradaya

 

"If a Vaishnav is entangled in a vicious relationship with the opposite sex, he will have to endure the consequences in the form of ten types of anarth:

 

  1. As a result of illegal sex his/her body will become very weak.

 

  1. Observers may also follow his example. Thus, it will be anartha for them and for the woman spoiled by him (the two kinds of consequences mentioned above may be observed even in the present birth).

 

  1. In doing so, one is disobedient to the orders of the śāstras, who say that no one should commit adultery. But if, despite the prohibition in the Sastras is the road to hell is widely open in front of him.

 

  1. He will also incur the wrath of the Lord because the Lord has said: «ajna chhede's мама drohi», who violates the commandments of the śāstra, is My enemy."

 

  1. The result is adultery, the person will incur the indignation and anger of the Bhagavata-Vaishnavas.

 

      6. For the same reason, he will be displeased with his spiritual master.

 

  1. This will increase the ability and inclination to communicate with people of the mundane mind. In «Tiru Maale» it is said: "as a result of communication with people attached to sensual pleasures , I fall into a dangerous trap of female views."

 

  1. Such actions are contrary to the eternal nature of the living entity intended to delight the Lord. Because thoughts: "Sensual pleasures are beautiful" are an insurmountable obstacle to the realization of one's eternal nature as a servant.

 

  1. Because it is very difficult for a person who enjoys sex to continue to think, " Lord, is the only meaning of my life and those who support me"

 

  1. This is anartha also because one can no longer think, "the Service of my Lord is sweet."

 

  1. "Prabhandam" said - if a person has sex, he will not attain Parama-Fall, and highest destiny. Continue to say - if anyone worships the Demigods to what life he can be and become a Vaiṣṇava, but he whose mind is busy with thoughts of sexual pleasures, will always end in hell, as this affection has a tendency to increase, more and more."

Taken from article " About sex." Bhakti Vigyana Gosvami. Automatic translation from Russian

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