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I was introduced to Krishna Consciousness in July 2017 and i used to chant only
1 round. Initially i was very strict and didnt masturbated till 26th December 2017
but at the night of that day i broke the regulative principle of illicit sex(masturbated by
watching adult content).
I was so much regretfull of that activity at that time and in remorse i doubled the rounds
from New Year. But in January and February in every 2-3 days i
constantly used to have had wet dreams. though i always used to give excuse to myself that it was not
me , i was not conscious at that time and all those type of excuses. And this used to
happen almost every 3-4 days. By mid of February i was bit worried and tried to seek out
all sorts of ways to get out of it but that driving force and motivation that i had when i was introduced to bhakti
to quit masturbation was not there. The Main factor for me was that i never opened any
website of adult content in this case except on 25 December from where this all started
and i used to say that since i was sleeping or halp asleep i have no fault. I never used to
watch adult content except the stimulations that came from brain but on 19 March 2018 i opened
the adult website and masturbated.And again on 5 april i did it again . i am thinking that will i be able to ever practice
bhakti and will krishna accept me again . there are so many questions revolving in my head.
and the biggest fear that i am no more Krishna Conscious . How will i again practice bhakti?
Will they accept me? am i going to hell ? how can i get rid of it? and a lot more.
please save me from this situation because you are a devotee . please have mercy upon me.
i am so much ashamed that i cannot even utter mahamantra out of my mouth. And continue to
doubt that will i again chat the mahamantra from next day.
PLEASE ! PLEASE ! PLEASE ! HELP ME.
i wish you would reply as soon as you have seen the mail because i do not know
what i will be doing from tomorrow. Right now i dont even have that intense regret
and devotion. I am just nill. Kind of in a depressed situation.
Prabhu ji can you fully explain how you used to do meditation on LORD VISHNU?? which picture you used to do this upon ?? for how much time ?? and finally will it not be impersonal ?? Please explain in detail. I am trying to do this now but i have fear of impersonalism.
Have you seen vishnu's images use that and think of it closing your eyes and imagine him in your heart do this as long as you chant do it while you chant close your eyes and meditate on vishnu while you do chanting
Hare Krishna Puneet!
Thank you for expressing your inner feelings.
I am glad that Bhakta Abhaya Cauhan did mention about different stages of devotional services. Out of it "anartha nivruti--giving up unwanted things or desires --is most important factor. So, to get that stage,you must follow the other three preceeding states--1) sradha--interest in Krishna Consciousness, 2) sadhusanga--association of devotees, 3) bhajan kriya-- Chanting and kirtan.Then only you will be able to control your unwanted desires (anartha nivruti)
Here are some important procedure you have to follow:
1) Go to any nearby ISKCON center at the time of kirtan and just hear.
2) Eat only Krishna prasadam; Try not to eat any thing from out side.
3) Before sleeping, read at least one page from " Science of Self Realization" or any book written by Srilla Prabhupada.
4) Hear any Hare Krishna Bhajans of ISKCON before sleeping.
5) Important Points from Ayurveda: Wash your both feets up to your knees with cold water just before sleeping.This will reduce the acidity from your body to help you to stop night falls.
Hope this will must help you!
Also, you should not drink water after drinking milk in the night before sleeping to prevent night fall. If you want to drink milk,always drink hot milk only before sleeping.
maranam bindu Patan
jivanam bindu rakshana
"The loss of the seed leads to death, the preservation of the seed gives life."
Translation of the cited text from Vaarta Mala, written by one of the acharyas of Sri Sampradaya
"If a Vaishnav is entangled in a vicious relationship with the opposite sex, he will have to endure the consequences in the form of ten types of anarth:
6. For the same reason, he will be displeased with his spiritual master.
Taken from article " About sex." Bhakti Vigyana Gosvami. Automatic translation from Russian