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I was introduced to Krishna Consciousness in July 2017 and i used to chant only
1 round. Initially i was very strict and didnt masturbated till 26th December 2017
but at the night of that day i broke the regulative principle of illicit sex(masturbated by
watching adult content).
I was so much regretfull of that activity at that time and in remorse i doubled the rounds
from New Year. But in January and February in every 2-3 days i
constantly used to have had wet dreams. though i always used to give excuse to myself that it was not
me , i was not conscious at that time and all those type of excuses. And this used to
happen almost every 3-4 days. By mid of February i was bit worried and tried to seek out
all sorts of ways to get out of it but that driving force and motivation that i had when i was introduced to bhakti
to quit masturbation was not there. The Main factor for me was that i never opened any
website of adult content in this case except on 25 December from where this all started
and i used to say that since i was sleeping or halp asleep i have no fault. I never used to
watch adult content except the stimulations that came from brain but on 19 March 2018 i opened
the adult website and masturbated.And again on 5 april i did it again . i am thinking that will i be able to ever practice
bhakti and will krishna accept me again . there are so many questions revolving in my head.
and the biggest fear that i am no more Krishna Conscious . How will i again practice bhakti?
Will they accept me? am i going to hell ? how can i get rid of it? and a lot more.
please save me from this situation because you are a devotee . please have mercy upon me.
i am so much ashamed that i cannot even utter mahamantra out of my mouth. And continue to
doubt that will i again chat the mahamantra from next day.
PLEASE ! PLEASE ! PLEASE ! HELP ME.
i wish you would reply as soon as you have seen the mail because i do not know
what i will be doing from tomorrow. Right now i dont even have that intense regret
and devotion. I am just nill. Kind of in a depressed situation.
Thanks for the advice . I do think association with Devotees will help me. Thanks for replying prabhu ji
thanks for considering my problem and giving your precious time in replying. I did visit Iskcon temple today and will continue to go to get devotee association.
Get rid of the internet and cell phone with internet. Also the TV, DVD players etc.. and No social media. This will force you to chant and think of Krishna as you are seriously interested in Him.
Maya is very strong and only a strong solution can help us.
Prabhu ji i have now applied all the internet filters and adult content blockers . But Still Maya is strong so i have to be carefull . By your grace i am again chanting enthusiastically
With all my heart I wish you, myself and everyone else involved in this sin and waste of life energy to get rid of this bad habit. Here are a few pages from Brahmacharya in Krishna Consciousness. Bhakti Vikas Swami
It is very disappointing that devotees, despite professing high ideals, sometimes deviate from the regulative principles, especially by falling into illicit sex. When devotees fall down, especially senior devotees, it causes great disturbance. Of course, that tendency is there in the conditioned souls. Before engagement in sense gratification comes contemplation of the act, which is developed from the seed of sinful desire in the mind.
These unwanted desires arise out of the subconsciousness like bubbles surfacing from the bottom of a pond. The expert transcendentalist is adept at ignoring these grotesque thoughts and letting them die. If they are fed, they will grow bigger and bigger and eventually devour the aspiring yogi. Externally a devotee may act as if strong but if internally he harbors desires, then when an opportunity arises to fulfill those desires, the internal is likely to become external.
Even for a devotee seriously trying to lead a pure life, it is not surprising if he is attacked by gross desires, because it is the business of maya to disturb him. The modern age is especially difficult for brahmacaris, because even while walking on the street they will see so many dressed-up women, cinema advertisements, and billboards, all specifically designed to invoke lusty desires. Modern cities throng with thousands of women trying to outdo each other in being provocative.
Traditionally, brahmacaris would keep their eyes downcast while walking on a public path, so as to avoid seeing the distractions of maya. This may not be practical in today’s cities, but still brahmacaris have to be very careful to control their eyes while moving in maya’s kingdom. It is not surprising if the mind becomes agitated, but if a brahmacari persistently cannot control his mind, he had better get married before he falls down into illicit sex.
A gross falldown may also happen accidentally, that is, without previous contemplation. Unexpectedly, a devotee may find himself in a situation where maya is presenting herself to him, and due to insufficient spiritual strength he succumbs. Therefore a brahmacari is cautious at every step of his life, so as to avoid danger. Krishnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami has cautioned devotees not to fall into “the whirlpools of unfortunate situations. If one falls into such positions, he is finished.” (Cc. Madhya 25.279) However, we also have to preach in this most contaminated world.
Therefore we should always stay tight in the association of devotees, and keep strong by hearing and chanting with full attention. Shrila Prabhupada: “If you chant always Hare Krishna, read my books, and preach this philosophy sincerely, then Krishna will provide you with all facility, and you will not fall down into material entanglement.” (-Letter to San Francisco devotees, 30/03/67)
For preaching we must take risks, but not to the extent that our minds become greatly agitated. We must know the limits of our strength in Krishna consciousness, and work within those limits. Shrila Prabhupada: “That is our real mission, to deliver the world by preaching Krishna’s message to others, but even higher realization, the highest realization, is to save oneself.” (Letter, 09/01/73)
However, an inadvertent, temporary fall down is not a disqualification for devotional service—Krishna forgives. The devotee must pick himself up quickly and carry on. But we must know that falldowns, even mental, are damaging to our devotional service. If there is no attempt for rectification, we can expect Krishna to reciprocate such insincerity by withdrawing His mercy. Thus the privilege of devotional service is lost.
In our endeavor to become Krishna conscious, maya is always trying to knock us back. Even for a sincere devotee who has made considerable progress, maya doesn’t hesitate to use her lowest and grossest weapon: sex. Sometimes devotees—even responsible devotees who have no intentions of physically engaging in illicit sex—become weak. On lying down, they submit to the mad mind, and even against their own will (Bg. 3.36) indulge in mental fantasies and masturbation.
This is a difficult problem, especially if it becomes a habit. If this contemplation is not stopped at an early stage, then it will likely go from thinking, to feeling, to willingly engaging in sex. Such a person usually ends up getting married, or worse, falls into illicit sex and becomes a debaucher. A devotee with this habit will always feel guilty, and may literally go crazy.
Guilty feelings sometimes impel a devotee to hide this problem from those who care about his devotional advancement. However, to rectify this faulty mentality requires confidential counseling from one’s guru, local authority, or any other trusted devotee.
Admitting to this takes courage and can understandably be embarrassing. But if a devotee suffering from this malady is at all to overcome it, he must seek advice from a senior devotee who he can completely trust. Particularly, the spiritual master is the topmost well-wisher of the disciple, so no anarthas should be kept secret from him if the disciple really wants to weed them out for good.
However, even with the best of help, it may not be easy to overcome this painful predicament. The only real solution is to surrender to Krishna. “This divine energy of Mine, consisting of the three modes of material nature, is difficult to overcome. But one who has surrendered to Me can easily cross beyond it.” (Bg. 7.14) We have to take shelter of Madana-mohana (See lengthy quote from Prabhupada lecture in “Overcoming Sex Desire”).
Take heart though, for “Impossible is a word in a fool’s dictionary.” (Conversation, 27/06/75) With sincere endeavor and the help of others this degrading habit can be broken.
A practical tip to Krishna-ize the mind at night is to read the Krishna book with devotees before retiring, and thus go to sleep thinking of Krishna’s pastimes. Some devotees go to sleep listening to a cassette of Prabhupada’s transcendental voice purifying their mind.
In the following letter, Shrila Prabhupada seems to be addressing this problem: “You are finding some difficulty with sex desire and have asked guidance from me to instruct you how to handle this problem of the material body. First of all I think you should know that such problems are not very unnatural because in the body the conditioned soul is very prone to failure. But also we must remember that such failure will not discourage us from executing the most important mission of our life, to become fully Krishna conscious. So whatever fall down has been, you should be regretful about it, but it is not so serious nor is it a permanent disqualification.
But you must try to check yourself from such artificial things and take full shelter of the lotus feet of Krishna. I think that for such checking, marriage is the only solution. It is understood that everyone has some nasty habits, but by sticking to Krishna consciousness, chanting our required rounds loudly, and tending the Deities, these items will surely save you.
So always be seriously engaged in serving Krishna and pray to Krishna to help you with your frailties. But I think that marriage is the solution with no other alternative. If you are married you can continue to practice all the items of worship and with more peace of mind, so such solution, along with redoubled efforts to serve nicely and be very pleasing to Krishna, these things will help you. It is my open advice for everyone that one who is disturbed by sex must take the responsibility of married life.” (Letter, 09/12/68)
Neither heterosexuality nor homosexuality are “natural.” Heterosexual desire is a perverted reflection of our original love for Krishna and homosexuality is another twist. Shrila Prabhupada: “The homosexual appetite of a man for another man is demoniac and is not for any sane man in the ordinary course of life.” (SB 3.20.26)
Due to the influence of Kali-yuga, homosexuality is now a common problem. As Kali-yuga advances we will have to accommodate more and more people with past perverse lives and give them the opportunity for purification. If homosexuals sincerely come to Krishna consciousness, what advice should we give them?
In the Vedic culture, heterosexual desires can be accommodated within the grihastha-ashrama, but there is no scope for accommodating homosexual desires. Shrila Prabhupada recommended marriage (to a woman!) for a disciple with homosexual desires. This advice may not seem very practical, for the homosexual’s attraction is to men rather than women. But homosexual or heterosexual, the disease is lust. Homosexuality means that the lust has increased to an abnormally high degree. Marriage means to channel that lust in a manner acceptable within the Vedic culture.
Anyway, homosexuals coming to Krishna consciousness will need special guidance from senior devotees. The homosexual must be understood as an individual person and be given proper facility after frank discussion. He should understand his condition to be especially fallen, but should be confident that by Krishna consciousness, all difficulties can be overcome. And other devotees should be sympathetic and understanding with such sincere souls.
As with any conditioned soul accepted for devotional service, sheltering homosexuals in the ashrama is a risk. As with a heterosexual, we shall first have to see if a homosexual is sufficiently self-controlled before he may be allowed to stay in the ashrama, remembering that, whereas heterosexual brahmacaris are sheltered from the objects of their attraction in the brahmacari-ashrama, the homosexual is surrounded by them. We must be compassionate, but we cannot sacrifice our standards of purity.
Preaching About Celibacy
Preaching to nondevotees should generally not be about celibacy, but about the need to become Krishna conscious. If they take up Krishna consciousness then everything else will follow. Newcomers to Krishna consciousness are sometimes discouraged by so many restrictions, especially those on sex. They should be encouraged to chant, take prasada, and associate with devotees. If they want sex life, that is not forbidden—in the grihastha-ashrama. On the other hand, if a young man is ready to be a brahmacari, by all means encourage him.
At least among committed devotees, preaching about celibacy must go on. Shrila Prabhupada: “The whole world is engaging in this vagina problem. These things should be regularly discussed. This is kirtana. If these things are not discussed in our movement, then everything will grow weak. There should be one class after another. Everything is in the books.” (-Told by Satsvarupa dasa Gosvami)
It is undoubtedly difficult to promote celibacy in a world atmosphere where everything is related to sex and women. The whole world today is absorbed in gross sense gratification, of which the ultimate expression is sex. Moreover, so-called scientists and doctors openly state that losing semen is not harmful to health.
If people ask why we are celibate, we can explain to them that it is a prerequisite for self-realization. The mind must be controlled, but it never can be if it is agitated by sex indulgence. One cannot be a transcendentalist, whether a yogi, jnani, or devotee, without being celibate. (Bg. 6.14 purport)
Celibacy has been accepted by priests and monks in leading Hindu, Buddhist, and Christian traditions since time immemorial. Jesus, Buddha, Shankaracarya, and countless others accepted the vow of celibacy. Celibacy is not an old-fashioned, cranky idea, but a dynamic, vital principle for achieving a success so sublime that ordinary people cannot conceive of it at all.
Furthermore, the practice of celibacy has not been limited to the sphere of religion. As Dr. R.W. Bernard notes in his book Science Discovers the Physiological Value of Continence: (-1957, Health Research Labs, Mokelumne Hill, California)
“The greatest intellectual geniuses in both ancient and modern times led continent lives, and there is yet to be recorded one individual who freely expended seminal fluid who ever amounted to anything. In most cases, individuals who have achieved have been forced by necessity to abstain from sexual indulgence, as Cervantes, who wrote Don Quixote while in prison, or Dante who wrote his Divine Comedy while in exile. Milton wrote Paradise Lost when blind and when he did not indulge in sex. Sir Isaac Newton, active in intellect until the age of 80, led a continent life from birth, and so did Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo, both of whom retained their creative genius (until) an advanced age.”
Other famous celibates include Pythagoras, Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza, Kant, Beethoven, and Herbert Spencer. Many other philosophers, artists, and scientists have preferred to sublimate the sex drive so as to increase their creativity and concentrate their energy on intellectual pursuits.
This stands as evidence against the standard Freudian objection that celibates become frustrated and should therefore be allowed to indulge.* It is true that restricting the body without being able to control the mind could lead to psychosis. Without developing a higher consciousness, celibacy will be torture. But many non-celibates also suffer frustration, anxiety, or physical disease, caused directly or indirectly by sex. Celibate or non-celibate, the real problem is sex.
Furthermore, those with knowledge of the laws of karma understand that indulgence in sex entangles the conditioned souls ever more deeply in material bondage. The ultimate solution, then, is neither to accept nor reject sex, but to rise above it altogether to come to the spiritual platform. A fully Krishna conscious person can be fully celibate or can have a dozen children, but either way his consciousness is never contaminated. But for the neophyte transcendentalist, sexual agitation is a major disturbance in his meditation on the Absolute Truth.
Therefore, aspiring devotees who are capable of doing so are advised to remain completely celibate—if they can control their minds. Otherwise, devotees may get married and engage in restricted sex during part of their lives.
Nevertheless, sex is risky. Even within marriage, if sex is engaged in at the wrong time, in the wrong place, in the wrong consciousness, or without having undergone the required purificatory rituals, both man and woman become punishable by the laws of nature. Yet the pushing of sex desire is so strong that, even knowing all this, we become impelled to commit sinful acts. Kama esha krodha esha. Therefore it is best to remain brahmacaris, strictly avoiding contact with women so as not to be victimized.
Devotees must be convinced of the necessity of sense control. We must know that sense control is in our real self-interest. Without becoming free from sense gratification, especially sex, no one can achieve perfection in Krishna consciousness. Brahmacarya is that essential training and practice in sense control and detachment, through which perfection is finally attained. We must be determined to follow the principles of brahmacarya, otherwise we cannot make any progress.
In preaching, another approach is to explain the deleterious effects of sex, animal slaughter, gambling, and intoxication on society. Crime, war, floods, droughts, famine, cancer, AIDS, and multifarious other problems are scourging the world. Learned professors write big scholarly treatises suggesting how to overcome the problems, but the problems remain. People do not know that they are reaping the poisonous harvest of sinful activities, especially of cow killing and illicit sex. However, even a hundred years ago, sense control was considered a virtue and excessive sense indulgence a vice.
It was only after “Man from monkeys” Darwin and “Let loose” Freud that the old barriers collapsed. Free sex flourished. Gradually, divorce, “living together,” unmarried mothers, birth control, abortion, and homosexuality—all formerly banned and considered despicable—became socially acceptable. Nowadays austerity for spiritual advancement is considered despicable. The resultant society is a disaster, and getting worse. Now even child abuse and incest have become everyday affairs. The materialists express their horror, but probably after some time they will legalize and encourage these types of sinful activities as well.
It is quite possible because the whole society is made up of varna-sankara—children begotten in lust. John Lennon observed that, “Most children are born over a bottle of whisky on Saturday night.” The degraded consciousness of such unwanted by-products is unimaginable. Born in the mode of ignorance, they are totally blind to the necessity of sense control. They are constantly involved in all kinds of abominable activities, considering them quite normal, and never for a moment imagine that the reactions to sinful activity are the cause of all chaos in human society.
Thanks for the spiritually uplifting post prabhu ji and i will try my level best to abstrain from these material desires but still maya is very strong hence each and every moment i have to pray to LORD KRISHNA for the mercy.
Voluntary control of sexual life is possible when a person is engaged in ministry Lord. When devotees of the Lord are attracted by beauty transcendence, they refrain from sense enjoyment.
Forced abstinence doesn't work for long. Human must to attract the beauty of transcendence.
Man will give up the lowest the quality of pleasure, when will feel the taste of the highest quality spiritual pleasures.
Vanaprastha voluntarily abstain from washing, allow you to grow beard and nails and do not feel uncomfortable since, how they engaged themselves in the service of the Lord.
All the more this applies to monks, vowed healer and established in the service of the Lord.
They are not experiencing sexual desires. Therefore, devotional service the Lord has a vital role to play. Without regard to the Lord all regulatory the principles of Varna and Ashram become burdensome, as it is it takes place in the age of Kali: Varna degrade into the caste system, ashrams be the lot of shopkeepers and store owners.
All these anomalies the social system can be changed only through the development of spiritual human cultures, that is, through devotional service to the Lord.
Light Of The Bhagavata. A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, Vrindavan 1961
Wow, thank you for this amazing long extract. Wonderfully helpful. Haribol.
Prabhu ji i had the same problem you know how i solved it?
by meditating on visnu while chanting. It works 100% all you need to do is meditate on visnu while chanting do mansik seva every problem will be solved