I have been reading Srila Praphupad's books for about two years now and mostly follow the four regulative principles. However, I find it hard to avoid committing sins when I am associating with family members who are very materially engrossed. Being around them seems to make me forget about my spirituality, or I use it as an excuse that since they are doing it, it can't be that bad for me to do it etc., or I rationalize that since I am around them and absorbing they're materialistic "vibes" there's not much point in trying to be disciplined myself. I sense the dishonesty in this and I think the truth is that my mind will give me any kind of rationale to give in to temptation and there's a part of me that wants to give into it. I have a pattern of being strict with myself one day and then the next day giving in to temptation, then begging Krishna's forgiveness, then having a day of strict adherance but giving in to temptation the next day etc. I know what I should and shouldn't do, but that doesn't seem to stop me from somehow getting caught up in mode of passion and doing sinful things because everyone else around me is doing it, or I feel bored and don't know what else to do with myself. Whatever the case, I am feeling that I can't continue like this because it is destroying my sanity and my integrity and I am really worried what the consequences will be.
If anybody is reading I would be grateful for any advice about how to deal with this situation. I am wondering if I need to stop associating with my family? I have talked to them about possibly moving into an ashram for an extended period and they were pretty understanding. My only dilemma is that since I have some student loan debts I need to be earning an income. I would ideally like to find someplace where I could earn a living while at the same time having the association of sadhus.
I would be grateful for any advice!