Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
-for whole life wife used to work hard to maintain her family. Husband just did not work. Just goes out to drink, to other women and when comes home beats kids and wife...
The same life lives her daughter.
The similar life live many of my friend's parents.
So question is why men become so weak? Why so easily they start to drink and live an animal life?
Should wives tolerate this? And what does that tolerance means?
How we can solve this problem?
These fears reduce desire for family life in girls.
Thank You! Your servant, bhaktin maral
Replies
oh my God!!! You are blessed by Guru and Krishna to solve the problems of others Rahul Prabhuji! How nicely You understand the situation!!!
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Devotees should be happy in this society :D indeed it is our life's goal to make Devotees happy.
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Yes, nice idea, since he is as like a kid listening his wife then she should engage him in Deity worship and all. Very true. Yes, they have Gopal at home. So maybe offering food and other simple things can be done by him. :D
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One nice thing is that husband respects Devotees very much. It is his top most quality. How in India even people who used to drink are still cultured and have much respect to religious people. How nice!
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Thank You so much!
Your servant,
SB 11.9.10
When many people live together in one place there will undoubtedly be quarreling. And even if only two people live together there will be frivolous conversation and disagreement. Therefore, to avoid conflict, one should live alone, as we learn from the example of the bracelet of the young girl.
Purport:
Śrīla Viśvanātha Cakravartī Ṭhākura has given a nice example in this regard. Because the young girl mentioned in this story had no husband, she had to fulfill her duties as a host by removing her bracelets so that each wrist held one bracelet only. In the same way, the process of jñāna-yoga, or spiritual advancement by philosophical speculation, demands that the speculating sages live alone, without any other association. Since jñānīs have dedicated their lives to speculation, there will undoubtedly be endless argument and quarreling on technical points if many jñānīs live together. Therefore, to keep a peaceful atmosphere they must live alone. On the other hand, a king’s daughter who has been duly married to an aristocratic prince fulfills her duties to her husband by dressing herself attractively with innumerable ornaments and approaching him for love. Similarly, the goddess of devotion, Bhaktidevī, decorates herself with the innumerable ornaments of the Vaiṣṇavas, who come together to relish the sweet sound of the holy name of the Lord. Because pure Vaiṣṇavas do not intimately associate with nondevotees, it may be said that they reside alone, and thus they also fulfill the purpose of this verse. There cannot be any quarrel among pure Vaiṣṇavas, because they are on the real platform of desirelessness, not wanting even salvation or mystic powers, what to speak of sense gratification. Because they are all devotees of Kṛṣṇa, they may freely associate with one another for glorifying the Lord. As stated in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (3.25.34):
naikātmatāṁ me spṛhayanti kecin
mat-pāda-sevābhiratā mad-īhāḥ
ye ’nyonyato bhāgavatāḥ prasajya
sabhājayante mama pauruṣāṇi
“A pure devotee, who is attached to the activities of devotional service and who always engages in the service of My lotus feet, never desires to become one with Me. Such a devotee, who is unflinchingly engaged, always glorifies My pastimes and activities.”
Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura has commented on this verse as follows: “The young girl in the story kept only one bracelet on each wrist so that there would be no noisy conflict among the bracelets. Similarly, one should give up the association of those who are not devoted to the Supreme Lord.” This is the actual lesson to be learned. A real Vaiṣṇava is always pure and faultless in character. However, in those places where nondevotees congregate there will undoubtedly be envious criticism of the devotional service of the Lord, and those who falsely attempt to analyze reality without the Supreme Personality of Godhead will create much disturbing noise in the name of philosophy. Therefore, one should remain in those places where the Supreme Lord is properly worshiped according to the Vedic standard. If everyone is dedicated to glorifying the Personality of Godhead, Kṛṣṇa, there will not be any impediment in mutual association. However, in a place where people have many different purposes besides the pleasure of the Supreme Lord, social dealings will certainly be disrupted.
One should therefore avoid the association of those who are inimical to devotional service; otherwise one will be frustrated in achieving the spiritual purpose of life. One who always keeps himself in the company of the devotees of the Lord is actually living alone. If one lives in a community where the only consideration is the pleasure of the Lord, then one can avoid the contradictory situations caused by many persons competing to satisfy their own material desires. This is the lesson intelligently understood by the brāhmaṇa from the bracelets of the young girl.
In this connection Śrīla Madhvācārya quotes the following:
asaj-janais tu saṁvāso
na kartavyaḥ kathañcana
yāvad yāvac ca bahubhiḥ
saj-janaiḥ sa tu mukti-daḥ
“One should not under any circumstances live with those who are not devotees of the Lord. On the other hand, one should stay with many devotees, because such association awards liberation.”
my humble obeisances Rahul Prabhuji, thank You so much!
How good You understood my point! You are so intelligent!
of course it is sad to hear that one should go for police ...how sad that sometimes situations goes even to such an extent :'(
For You one example, thank God in one family father was a heavy drunkard and beater of his wife and children without any cause. But know he stopped to do that and went to the other extent - A SMALL KID
still he does not want to work but fallows his wife and acts as her kid. She orders him what to do and what not to do :( oh my God!
Remembering her parents' life daughter says that she does not want to get into marriage life. It was a shocking childhood for her.
Now when the daughter became a Devotee, whole family followed her. And father stopped to drink, mother chants 16 rounds, other sister 8, ...but father is still a kid.
How we can help them? What should be the actions of a wife and children?
I really dislike to talk about others in this form but i think it is needed for taking example, i do not have intention and desire to criticize.
Your servant,
Hare Krsna mataji
humble obeisances..
There is an example given for such people.. if a person is given sweet rice, kachodi, halwa,pudi, sandesh, gulab jamun, pizza,besan laddu, and all other varieties of opulent PRASAD, then that person will eat this prasad with such flavour ,he will be so happy to eat that... but if he is not getting any such thing, he will go for whatever is available. If he is getting rotten chapati and rotten sabji, he will eat it, because he is HUNGRY!!!!!!!!! He has to eat something..
So by nature, every one is looking for happiness and there is no happiness in material life.. be it man/woman or single/married or anything.. so a man gets frustrated in all his/her attempts for enjoyment and then men try to look pleasure in drinking..when a person indulges in drinking, he forgets all moral things and goes so much into ignorance that he is not able to discriminate... and there also when he does not get happiness, he goes to other women for happiness, there also when he does not get happiness then he/c tries to do heavy intoxication... and this vicious chain continues.
When man does not get any happiness in all these things, he beats his family members , gets some egoistic pleasure by beating that " yes, i can control their lives!!!!" but since he is frustrated with all the things of his life and has gone too far in immoral activities, it is extremely difficult for him to get back to normal situation... So it is their pursuit for happiness that they keep on going deep into the material mire.. Every one does not do this becuz some people are in mode of goodness and passion, those who are in ignorance, they are the ones who indulge in such things...
The only solution is Bhakti unto Krsna, there is no other way...
Regarding going for a marriage or not, such things are bound to happen if Krishna is not the center, because if Krishna is not the center then sense gratification is the center and once a person does not get sense gratification then there will be fights...so only solution is Bhakti for both and one should be very careful before choosing the spouse that they are clear about their goals.
ys
my humble obeisances Rakesh Prabhu,
thank You for coming back after so long time to enlighten us with Your devotion and knowledge!
Yes, You are correct there is no happiness in life without Krishna whether you are married or not...
And it is true people want happiness and they think that by doing sinful things they will be happy. It is ignorance. And You are very true about the carefulness before marriage. One should know someone before connecting their lives. It is very essential.
Thank You again!
Your servant,
P.S. let this discussion be fruitless and free from benefit to others. So my question is if suppose it happened so a girl married to a person who later started to drink because of his debts and now she has to work hard. They are not Devotees. So how can we help to them? Is there any tricks?? Please!
http://askbvks.com/when-spouse-is-not-a-devotee/When Spouse is not a Devotee
Hare Krishna
Is this the condition/case of all the women ?
Don't you think that there are many men are also suffering from/because of uncontrollable/unchaste wife ?
Marrying is always risky job, but doesn't meant that girl should think about not getting married. This is demoniac thinking of many women in present age. Certainly in your country these may be happening but still wife must think that this is her Karma. Getting wife, husband or good children is not easy Job.
Krishna Says in Gita,
Devottes whose devotional service is incomplete they take birth in Pious rich family or devotee family. So if you deserve then lord will grant otherwise one should accept the situation as her/his bad karma.
To have a good match, that's why in India there is system of Arranged marriage, so elder of family alongwith good astrologer find suitable match. Love Marriage is live Cats, Dogs affairs.
"ONE SHOULD NOT THROW BABY WITH THE BATH WATER"
In baby bath tub there is water which is impure, so one should throw the water not the baby, So in same way one should throw the bad examples but not the whole system of marrying.
Women also drunk, women also have boyfriends apart from husband.
I think you did excograte the issue very much, but india i have never seen that daughter's daughter's daughter's daugther it means 4 four gernation women is suffering, can you give me one example.
Even i have seen family with background of Prostitution but they were so conscious that their children must have pure life.
Will write More on this topic later on.
Hare Krishna
PS: In india still there is strong culture alive.
my humble obeisances Madhava Prabhu,
in order to associate with You one must be very patient. I respect You much and i know that You are very serious Devotee.
But i dislike one thing in Your understanding. It that You still consider present Indian culture as true culture and others less than anything. It hurts too much.
In our country girls usually do not mix with boys at work places, institutions, schools. TV programs completely do not broadcast sex, violence...but only cultural moral things. Government nicely controls that.
Noone should smoke in the society, no body should drink in the society...in government jobs and studying schools everyone should wear special uniforms for girls long dresses, and hair nicely made up, boys no shorts not jeans...married women cover their hair....so i do not think that this culture is worse than Vedic culture. It is indeed Vedic culture. Be it external but it is so.
Also marriages mostly done by the help of parents. Only these few years things are changing.
Why i arose this subject is that seeing the life of people in India. Of course this problem is everywhere. Oh how much i do not like to talk about "It is Indian" "That is western"....
Your servant,