ISKCON Desire Tree's Posts (19472)

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How to go beyond seeing paradoxes?

Question: I have a question regarding a statement I heard in the past and remembered recently:
Seeming paradoxes are found in various places in scripture. For instance, in one scripture it may be said “all the forms of the Lord are equal,” while in another it may be said, “no other form of the Lord is as complete as Krishna.” While he didn’t use this particular example, I have heard from an advanced Vaishnava that such “contradictions” force us as readers to stop and contemplate instead of speeding along thinking that we understand things. I’m wondering if this understanding is correct and if you can elaborate to provide clearer understanding?

Answer: As you have hinted within your question, what ‘appears’ to be paradoxes or contradictions within scripture are only seemingly so; factually, there is no real contradiction.

In some instances, scriptures are deliberately filled with apparent double-talk. A typical example is the language of the Upanishads: e.g., “The Supreme Lord walks and does not walk. He is far away, but He is very near as well. He is within everything, and yet He is outside of everything.” (Isopanishad Mantra 5) Such contradictory statements are provided to indicate His inconceivable, transcendental nature. He walks, but His walking is nothing like the walking within this mundane realm. So, thanks to these paradoxes, we are induced to reconsider and reform the deep-rooted material conceptions in our mind when contemplating the Supreme Absolute Truth.

It is not necessarily that all such contradictions are purposefully presented by the scriptures in order to get us to contemplate. It is just the nature of Absolute Truth, which appears to us to be contradictory when we try to capture it within the limited vocabulary of language or within the limited framework of our material mind and intelligence. But by patient and repeated aural reception of the whole message, and by receiving clarification from a realized soul, such contradictions become resolved. The Bhaktivedanta Purports explicitly serve this purpose!

Some of these apparent contradictions, which often become topics of debate among inter-faith discussions, are resolved by understanding the example of higher and lower level mathematics. One may learn in a simple way in elementary math that it is not possible to subtract a bigger number from a smaller one, but as one progressively learns the concepts of negative numbers, rational and irrational numbers, imaginary numbers and so on, instead of seeing contradictions, one’s understanding becomes wider and deeper.

Often, what appears as contradiction is due to our own lack of understanding or preconceptions about what God or spiritual life must look like. Sometimes it is seen that even when Reality is presented in a very simple and straightforward manner, people find it hard to reconcile. A common example is in understanding how Krishna favors His devotees like the Pandavas. God is supposed to be impartial and yet He gives different rewards to different living entities and He particularly seems to favor and take the side of His devotees. This is not a contradiction, but appears to be so because of not understanding that He EQUALLY reciprocates with everyone as they approach Him. As one’s spiritual understanding and realization matures, such things cease to be contradictions but rather become another impetus for deeply appreciating the qualities of Krishna.

Another way to understand the same thing is that all contradictions are reconciled in the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Krishna. That is to say, He is simultaneously equal and yet different from all of His other expansions, He is simultaneously impartial and yet partial to His devotees, He is simultaneously present everywhere and yet never leaves His abode in Vrindavan and so on.

Another fundamental reason for seeing contradictions is often due to not understanding Krishna’s Personal nature; Krishna is a Person and He has desires, likes and dislikes, and freedom. Behind all the variegated arrangements one can experience within the material creation, and behind all His dealings with different living entities — is Krishna’s very personal, loving, compassionate nature and inimitable capacity in reciprocating with His different parts and parcels. How He acts and why He does certain things may not always follow a set pattern or formula. Thus, His will is said to be “inscrutable”.

The common tendency amongst those educated in the modern school of rationalism is to try to subject everything, including spiritual topics, to analysis and rationalization and reductionism — but these tools fail us miserably in trying to understand Spirit. You are likely to be familiar with the famous example of the five blind men — each of them came up with completely contradictory pictures of the elephant, while in fact none of them were close to whole truth. Our approach to scripture is often like those blind men, and thus we run into many “contradictions”. Therefore, in order to learn the truth, it is indispensable to approach a seeing man, i.e. a self-realized soul. Under the guidance of such a spiritual master, one can systematically learn to reconcile all contradictions and see the Whole Truth.

This brings us to your next question.

Question: Also, in light of the above it seems necessary at some point for those engaged in hearing and reading to make references between guru, sadhu and shastra in order to develop correct understanding. However, I’ve also heard that one should hear from a single source in order to avoid confusion. This is a seeming contradiction in itself, which leads to the question: when is the right time to implement this system of understanding?

Answer: Once again, there is no contradiction in this principle, although there seems to be! The bona fide sadhu, shastra and guru are always in line with each other – the three-point check involves observing how each of them reinforces each other, which solidifies our faith in each of these.

Being familiar with shastra and previous saintly persons is essential to ascertain a bona fide guru in the first place, and yet factually one can have no access to the first two without the help of the latter. For instance, how would we know what is the bona fide version or meaning of Bhagavad-gita, without the help of a faithful representative of Bhagavad-gita in disciplic succession, such as Srila Prabhupada? But as we hear or study Prabhupada’s books and observe his life, we see that he had no personal opinion to offer; both his prachar as well as achar were perfectly in line with and bringing to life the messages of Bhagavad-gita and the teachings of the previous mahajanas which he presented. Thus, we can affirm that “Here is a bona fide guru”, based on the authority of sadhu and shastra, not just by personal or popular opinion. Simultaneously, the personal purity, empowerment and example of Prabhupada’s life reinforces our faith and understanding in the validity and practicability of shastra and the teachings of previous acharyas. Thus, reference to sadhu-shastra-and-guru help reinforce each other, and yet simultaneously it is through one’s personal spiritual master that one can gain access to sadhu and shastra, as well as properly understand how to practically and systematically apply their teachings in our personal life.

The three-point check is rendered futile if one doesn’t develop absolute faith in any one of them. Once having ascertained a bona fide spiritual master – in the light of sadhu and shastra — and having developed firm confidence that here is a transparent representative of Krishna and the disciplic succession, one should then set aside all of one’s personal conceptions and hear from the spiritual master in order to learn the proper conclusions of scriptures. This firm faith is the fulcrum or basis from which one is able to overcome all contradictions. Please note that the disciple still appreciates the spiritual master in the light of sadhu and shastra, not independently; but his reference to sadhu and shastra is not exactly for the purpose of perpetual cross-checking. Such an attempt to try to validate and substantiate every action or statement of guru or sadhu or shastra is not helpful when done without proper guidance – it could lead one into the realm of “apparent contradictions” discussed above, and weaken one’s faith, especially for the neophyte student who does not have deep grasp of scripture and spiritual principles.

By hearing from one spiritual authority, especially in the beginning stages or when one is riddled with contradictions, one develops the ability to see in synthesis. Isopanishad uses the word ‘anupasyatah’, or seeing through authority, by which one can become undisturbed by dualities. (Iso Mantra 7) The spiritual master knows the mentality of the disciple – what his doubts and possible areas of confusions could be – and thus he helps to address them and trains the disciple to see the world through the eyes of scriptures. Having gained the maturity and ability to see everything in synthesis, then one is able to hear from multiple sources and not become disturbed, because of having been troroughly trained FIRST to see the underlying essential unity.

Source: http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17555

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A Program was organized at Smt.Santosh Ahlawat’s (MP) Home which was attended by two more Member of Parliament Mrs Riti Pathak and Smt Anju bala and many others. The program which consisted of Kirtan, 30 minute talk followed by Ques Ans for another 30 min was very well received by the participants.

The VIPs there received Srila Prabhupada books, Prasad and asked various questions on the philosophy. There were enthusiastic to host similar programs in future as well.

It gave us good opportunity to interact with some leaders and share some elements of Krsna Consciousness with them.

Hare Krishna.

In Your Service

Keshav Murari Das

President, ISKCON Rohini

Source: http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17543

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Chant Hare Krishna for Peace

Chant Hare Krishna for peace! (4 min video)
Public in London sharing their feelings about Hare Krishna!
Key quotes from this video: 
‘If people will be connected to the life like the Hare Krishna devotees are, the world would be a better place’
‘To invest in peace and reflect peace is a very powerful thing’
‘The only life on Oxford street today is… the Hare Krishnas’ 

Source: https://goo.gl/Vsw0A1

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Power of Choice

We all have high hopes, aspirations and dreams of a certain kind of life for ourselves and our loved ones. We all wish to be successful in our lives. We dream of receiving the best education from the best university, securing the best grades, earning the best job, having the best companion and leading the best life. Often I encounter questions like: Why am I a failure? How to achieve success? How to be happy? Why do I always feel frustrated? How can I fulfill my dreams? The latest one being - I have every plan chalked out perfectly well but when it comes to implementation, I tend to procrastinate and waste time due to mundane distractions. The answer to all these is the golden three word phrase 'Power of Choice'.
 
Our existence depends on our choices. Our choices are bound by constant laws that do not change according to our opinions or demands. Consider Issac Newton’s Third Law of Motion which basically states – “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. This law, which applies in its respective scientific area, has even greater application in relation to thoughts, speech and action.
 
Our thoughts, speech and actions have a great affect on the world around us. Because of our capacity to convert our thoughts into speech and action we have the power to determine the direction of our lives rather than simply act according to the dictations of the nature and impulses of our bodies. We can identify people in history who have brought about good fortune or terrible destruction, depending upon whether they used the power of choice with responsibility. 
 
Right from the moment we wake up till the time we retire to bed, almost every moment encompasses a choice we have to make. Some out of these may be small while others may be big. But each preference we choose to select leads to a result that we would have to face at some point of time in the future. For example, we know that we must brush our teen every morning. So after waking up this again is a choice whether to brush or not. If we choose the second, over a period of time the effects would be visible which could be so serious that it may land us at the dentist's clinic. Hence, we must choose wisely, be accountable for our own choices and not hold anybody else responsible for our current situation.
 
As human beings, Lord has given us the power of free will, and with that power comes the responsibility for the speech and actions we choose.
 
The choice we make is a seed. It is like a little acorn today which will grow into  a magnificent  oak tree tomorrow. The choices we make is a decision. We don’t just chose. Based on certain criteria or factors, we decide what to choose. The choices we make today has the potential to determine our destiny, our fate, where and how we will be tomorrow.
 
Sometimes we will come across situations where we will be at ease. At other times there will be difficult situations where things will be beyond our control. In either case we have to accept the situation and make choices which will bring us closer to God.
 
Sometimes we will be honored and sometimes we will be criticized. It is said that for one who has been honored, dishonor is more painful than death. But for one who sees a divine reason behind it, dishonor can be more blissful than honor, because life is not about whether we are being honored or dishonored, life is about how we respond to each of those situations. There will be two paths always, and one will be easy – for its only reward is that it is easy.
 
When it comes to practical implementation, I always ask my counselees to follow the Litmus Test - i.e. We must perennially keep God or Krishna at the centre of everything we do. When faced with a dilemma, regarding the course of action or choice to adopt, always ask yourself that by engaging in this act, is it going to bring me closer to God or is it going to pull me away from Him. You will automatically get your answer. The litmus test helps us choose the bonafide path which thereby ascertains that we achieve everlasting peace, happiness, success in life by effectively and prudently leveraging our Power of Choice at every step.
 
We have many choices. We can choose forgiveness over revenge, joy over despair, or action over apathy. You can choose to curse God or thank God. Which is your choice? Every choice will have an end result. It is the summation of these choices that with determine the quality of your life.
 
So at every moment we have a choice; an opportunity to spend that moment wisely in the service of the Lord. Such God conscious moments are an eternal investment in our lives.
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Vraja Mandala Parikrama

By Dayal Mora das

The time was coming around for the temple to send me to India again. Finally! I have the great fortune to serve as brahmachari leader at Sri Sri Radha Londonisvara Dham and I have been serving here for three and half years. I’m into Harinam and it’s a blessing that I can call this service one of my main services.

It was not difficult to choose a destination to request since I had recently seen Parasuram’s video from a Vraja Mandala Parikrama, or Padyatra, from 2010 which was super inspiring and I had been immediately attracted. (https://vimeo.com/10101860) What could be a better means of honouring the forests of Vraja than walking amongst them, chanting Harinam with an ox cart and two beautiful bulls from which tons of prasadam and books are distributed to the Brij Basi’s? We simultaneously visit the many ancient holy places dating back to the The Supreme Lord’s manifest pastimes on this planet as well as please the local inhabitants of this worshipable tract of land, a people undoubtedly very dear to Lord Krishna. And all of this during the month or Kartik!

In my previous life before coming to devotional service and ISKCON, I had oftentimes preferred travelling a little off the beaten track. In this way I found that one gets to see the reality of each place, meet the people who live there and there is an added element of excitement and adventure.
Thus this program seemed to be my cup of tea and surely a good program to invoke the blessings of Srila Prabhupada, the Vaisnavas and the residents of Vraja! I wrote to Para and got a place on the tour. By the Lords grace I was on my way to Vrindavan.

I hadn’t been too mental during the build up to the parikrama, I had decided to simply get out there and do the best I could, however from time to time I naturally did ponder briefly about how My body would hold up in the conditions, after all I had never been on padyatra before. My service was to perform sankirtana for 6 hours a day covering up to 25 km and it wasn’t clear where we would be taking rest in the evenings.

Kartik was as late as it gets this year with it beginning late October and finishing 25th November. With a nice crew of 6 souls we hit the road the day after we landed in India. I managed to pick up a walking harmonium and a mosquito net before setting out, both items I felt were absolutely essential for one month on the road in Vraja.

For those not familiar with the Vraja Mandala Parikrama, ‘parikrama’ means ‘to circumabulate’ and in doing so we honour and show respect to the object we are circumambulating. According to Lokanath Swami’s new book Vraja Mandala is 168 miles, not including internal parikramas. We would encircle the entire area of Vraja on foot.

Surprisingly even to myself the daily routine came very naturally and we happily traversed kilometre after kilometre constantly hearing the Holy Names vibrating in the ether around us. In fact it was The Holy Names which carried us through the quiet and busy roads, towns and villages and I was simply fortunate enough to be on the ride. Out of the 6 man crew, three of us usually were available for the service of chanting before the oxcart. As well as myself there was Vaikuntha Prabhu from Russia who had been on the tour several times before, as had Loka Saranga Prabhu from Czech. I soon realised that all the members had performed this yajna for several years in succession I and began to wonder if the same was going to happen to me. In addition we were joined a couple of weeks into the parikrama by one devotee from Nigeria, another brahmachari called Tribuvanath. Arjuna and his good wife Krishna Mayi would hand out books and bananas on the move whilst Para drove the ox-cart.

Me and Loka would take turns beating the mridanga, Vaikuntha would bash the cartels and we would alternate the singing. Vaisnavas are very tolerant and the team were kind enough to allow me to sing my little heart out for hours on end playing my new squeeze box with great enthusiasm! I felt that as the month drew on our relationships became very sweet through this chanting and every day we were overcoming obstacles and sharing experiences. Performing service together and serving one another is the way to build friendships in Krishna Consciousness.

It would take too long to describe all the sacred places we visited, needless to say they were all beautiful, enriching and purifying to see, smell and touch and pay obeisances to. As a city based front liner I found great joy in being out in the countryside for a change away from the bustling areas of Mathura and Vrindavan. What bliss we experienced chanting all day from dawn, which was when we would usually set off, until dusk when we pull in to our final stop for the evening. Our daily bath in the Holy Name was glorious.

We would usually be with or very close to the official Parikrama party, which this year consisted of 1500 devotees from all over India and the world. We were part of the main Parikrama party but at the same time a little separate which is understandable since we have a slightly different program. For example each evening we would drive the Harinam and oxcart into a village which the team may or may not have visited before in previous years.

Someway before the village came into view the banana throwing pastimes would begin in earnest as Para and Arjuna launched an untold number of yellow torpedoes into the sea of village children scrambling and diving, fighting and seemingly having the time of their lives in a frenzy of banana catching mayhem. Somehow the children would usually have advanced warning that we were coming and run out of the village to meet us on the road literally sprinting like anything to be amongst the first to get those bananas and books.

The same scene would be repeated in every village and we never tired from seeing the explosion of enthusiasm that these blessed children displayed at the prospect of receiving Thakurji’s mercy in the form of these bananas. It was incredible to see day after day how just like an army of untiring monkeys these children competed with great tenacity, and at the risk of life and limb (seemingly) they each pocketed one, two, three or more bananas. The bigger boys were the best catchers and the parents and village elders would look on in delight as their children revelled in the fun of the oxcart pastimes. The children look forward to the carts arrival every year.

We would then reach a suitable place in the village and whilst the kirtan continued Para and Arjuna would set up for the next instalment of the program, a movie! Thanks to the solar panels on the roof of the oxcart, batteries, a retractable screen, a projector and an amplifier, the oxcart is swiftly transformed into a mini cinema. All the village kids gather around, eyes transfixed upon the huge screen, the smaller ones at the front and the cooler, older ones with flashy shirts purchased in town would hang out at the back. The elders of the village often in the more traditional dress would be amongst the crowd. It seemed as if the whole village was there!

After 2 or 3 episodes of ‘Little Krishna’, the punching preaching movie would be shown. This year the movie shows scenes of the western world with all its glitz and glamour which seems so attractive, but as the film progresses it reveals the darker sides to western civilisation with is multitude of wars, violence, slaughter houses, drugs and discontent. Life is short and death is closing in for us all. Remain a Brij Basi and enjoy the best culture, your own culture, the culture which reminds us so much of the pastimes of Sri Krishna Himself. The very fact that this truth is being explained by a bunch of white skinned westerners adds weight to the message.

Once the movie concludes we pack up and prepare for rest as by this time it’s dark. If we are not invited in for supper by the friendly villagers we relish the opportunity to practice the sadhu style means of getting ones sustenance. Madhukari! Para would take me along as he showed me how to beg from door to door like a honey bee, taking from each family only one or two rotis and a little milk and in this way not being too much of a burden on any individual family in the village. A few doors later and we had a veritable feast to offer to Sri Sri Nitai Gaurasundara. We would then sit together on the cart munching down roti after delicious warm roti, made with freshly ground grains and cooked often before our eyes. Washed down with ample warm cows milk, what could be better after a good days preaching in the most sacred place on earth? Lord Chaitanya Himself walked this land and Krishna appeared and grew up amongst these people. How can we be much better situated? Laying back satisfied and excited about the next day and snuggled up in my sleeping bag I’m thinking how I could live like this forever.

Some other highlights of the Parikrama were:
Bathing in the various sacred kund’s which are so wonderfully available to all in Vraja, a far cry from the UK and its chlorine filled swimming pools!
We were able to visit some places off of the general Parikrama route such as Surya Kund which is a pastime place which Radharani Herself still visits daily and also where Gaura Kishore das Babaji Maharaja performed many austerities.
Blue cows! Although apparently becoming rarer to see in Vraja we saw them so many times in ever greater numbers and more closely. In fact on one of the last days we were only a few meters from one of these wild native creatures which is I suppose something between a cow and a deer. He seemed to like the sound of our harinam!
Our Govadhana Parikrama was a little different. Instruments in hand we circumambulated Giri Raj at breakneck speed in a rickshaw with the Holy Names streaming from the rear of the vehicle. “Don’t let Lokanatha Swami see me” joked Para as we hurtled past his Parikrama party!
However for me the topmost highlight was developing friendships and experiencing the Dham in the association of and serving alongside such cool devotees. They would not want to be glorified, but for me that association made the pilgrimage so nectarean. Now I understand a little better why these devotees cannot stop themselves coming year in year out on this ecstatic program and what an opportunity it is to do so! Maybe next time I could improve my capacity for serving them and make some real advancement.

“You have only spoken about good things, nothing went wrong?”, you may cry. Well surprisingly, aside from the usual day to day difficulties, it is true… except for the mad bull episode! We had to swap one of the bulls early on due to a leg problem but somehow or another we were given a replacement bull which was basically a psychopath. My first view of this bull was seeing this huge fearful beast running full pelt towards us in the campsite for the Parikrama party. I found out later that by this time it had already tried to kill Para and escape a couple of times. I was most impressed by Para’s determination the next morning to harness the insubordinate brute to the oxcart despite being run over more than once. Needless to say this grumpy, grouchy and overly paranoid excuse for a bull was also discharged later and swapped with a much more humble bull of good character who was willing to pull Their Lordships and Their devotees along the dusty roads of Vraja and thus advance in Krishna Consciousness. It was explained to me later on that these kinds of things happen from time to time when dealing with bulls, and I was informed of some historic instances that had occurred over the years which were both hilarious and far more frightening.

My deepest realisation was in regards to my long lost and forgotten eternal relationship with the Lord’s Holy Name which was to some degree improved and gratefully taken back to London for the benefit of the unfortunate souls there. Sri Harinam Sankirtan key jaya! Though certainly I’m still but a tottering infant stumbling along the long winding pathway back to Goloka Vrindavan, a month on the road in Vraja has graciously gifted me a greater taste for chanting the Holy Name of Krishna. Thank you so much Braja Bhumi Dham! Now I must distribute The Name with greater intensity and without false pride, and then hopefully by Her grace Srimate Radharani may invite me back again for more service one day soon for Her divine pleasure.

Hari Bol!

For more details about this greatest of ways to spend ones Kartik, you are please recommended to read Lokanath Swami’s new book named ‘Vraja-mandala Darsana’

I have been asked a few times upon my return to London about the austerity there in Braj. In the purport to Srila Prabhupada’s Bhagavad Gita As It Is 17.16, His Divine Grace writes that austerity of the mind is performed by training the mind to always be thinking of how to good for others. So my humble recommendation is to go to see the 12 forests of Braj with the intention of doing good for others and taste the sweetness of this austerity for yourself.

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17523

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AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION IS WORTH A POUND OF CURE: We have been eating healthy organic food for 4 or 5 years as part of my wife’s Ayurvedic wellness program due to her long struggle with weak health. Unfortunately, because of my rare encounter with serious health problems and a strong “kapha” constitution, I have been more cavalier about taking care of myself. Her weak constitution and immune system has forced her to be much more conscious of the importance of diet, sleep, exercise, balance, and peace of mind. So now I am also being forced to do all the things I should have been doing as maintenance for health, and more so with a special diet and treatment for cancer.

I am no evangelist about any topic, yet I can speak with some conviction about a few subjects, and am sharing them with you—gently, as food for thought. I hope you take it in that spirit. I feel I am putting love and prayers into my words and pray they may have the power to bless my readers. I have expressed this many times in my writing. Wishful thinking perhaps, and yet, for me, this is my intention in writing and living. Every day I feel compelled to share my inspiration with the prayer that it will be encouraging and meaningful to you. I feel this is what it means to be a spiritually oriented person.

It takes money and time to eat right and exercise, and even if we do, we may still attract some catastrophic illness. I remember reading an account several years ago about a health enthusiast and advocate for a strong wellness program who was shocked when she was diagnosed with cancer. She was saying, “How can this be happening to me, since I am doing all the best things for my health, and have been for twenty years?” The better thought is, “Why not me?”

We live in a toxic world and generally we’ve spent years ingesting junk, or less than ideal, food, so that has taken a toll on our long term health. However, it is never too late to make the time and spend the extra money to live a healthy lifestyle. Even if we can’t afford to eat all organic, we can avoid those foods which have the highest pesticide residues—and while there are many different opinions about the best diet, there is universal agreement on the value of fresh fruits and vegetables and avoiding processed foods as much as possible. It is said in many circles that “Sitting is the new smoking,” so our sedentary lifestyle causes all sorts of health problems. I am not saying anything you don’t already know. As people invest in money making programs, we have to also invest in our health. Thus I have been reminded of the very old say by which I began this blog.

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment to see what turned up, if anything, from my PET full body scan, and we are hoping and praying that this will give us more clues as to the kind of treatment protocol I will adopt. I am planning to do all the things in my life I have been putting off, or procrastinating about. We all have a certain amount of time to live in our current body—we all know this—yet for me, the power of today or “now” has taken on a new urgency. I can’t help but emphasis this topic.

Each day is a precious gift. Each friend we have is a precious gift. Each opportunity we have to serve and show love and kindness to others is a precious gift. Our devotion to God, and service to him, through his holy name and Deity forms, is a precious gift. Our life will be blessed many times over if we take the time to appreciate our life, and live with gratitude. What can I say? I am a sentimentalist, so if I could, I would bow down to you, give you a big hug, and spend time with you to laugh can cry about our lives--but only God, or for many of us, Krishna, can do that for everyone. Only he is everyone's best friend and well-wisher, and yet, in our small way we can make a difference with one another and other people.


THE STRUGGLE TO STAY ALIVE/ FIGHTING FOR OUR LIFE:

My wife has struggled with a weak constitution and immune system for as long as I have known her. Even though following an Ayurvedic diet has helped her general level of vitality, she still struggles in many ways that healthy people wouldn't necessarily relate to. To sleep through the night or even to feel good is always in question. Still in spite of it all, she is the most positive person I know, and her faith in Krishna, exemplary and inspiring for all who know or work with her in counseling. As she often says her body has been a very good teacher. Thus, I have learned much from her in dealing with physical ailments and health challenges.

Her refined sensitivity aids her greatly in helping devotees, while physically her sensitivity means tiny amounts of anything have a strong effect on her body. She is sometime exasperated by the struggle of maintaining her body, and mentioned to me how difficult it is to stay alive. That has never been the case with me, but now, with so many more demands on my time, I can better understand it. Exercise and certain eating and healing protocols are no longer optional, but required for my day.

Still "struggle" still isn't a word I would use to describe any part of my life--which is due to my personality-- though I am finding it quite difficult to fit everything I need to do in a day. My gentle daily struggle is to go to bed early enough to rise so I can do my spiritual practices, worship, and pranayam before the energy of passion sets, making my japa more difficult, and creating difficulty in doing other activities I want to do. Managing time is what I am focused on--struggle, I guess it is, though I need a better word, but in any case, I think many people would describe their lives as a struggle.



Certainly at a cellular level there is always a war going on by the immune system to fight off viral invaders or pathogens. With the proper vision our physical or mental struggles can bring us closer to Krishna by our really understanding that everything and everyone is meant to help us take shelter of Krishna and understand both our incompatibility with matter and the spiritual solution to all problems. One of the keys during our struggle or effort to balance our material and spiritual lives is to see life as a blessing and gift and do our best to be in the service mode and find Krishna active everywhere in our life.

And something that I often write about, but have been profoundly reminded of by the outpouring of love, kindness, and prayers for me, is that when we give love, we receive love, when we are kind that is a reward in itself and we feel joy. Our attitude is reflected back by how our life or other people treat us. There are many terrible things and awful people in the world which we just have to look at the news to view (though many are hidden), yet we can't let that make us bitter or cynical critics and focus on doom and gloom. We can be "street smart," yet in spite of everything, we can be kind and loving people. I believe in people until they show me otherwise and I am happier because of it. We have great power to do good and be a source of upliftment for others. To do this we have to keep our head and become deep spiritual people with spiritual vision, compassion, and the desire to help others, even as we work at self-improvement and physical health. Spiritual life is, after all, about changing for the better.


Source:http://www.krishna.com/blog/2015/12/11/ounce-prevention-worth-pound-cure-struggle-stay-alive-fighting-our-life

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New Ramana Reti, ISKCON Alachua

New Ramana Reti, Iskcon Alachua: the real example of the United Nations!

Mukhya Devi Dasi: In 1974 Srila Prabhupada wrote a letter to an Indian disciple who had complained to him that he felt American devotees were looking down on him. Srila Prabhupada said “Why be affected by bodily relationships? Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu advised us…that we have to become humbler than a blade of grass and more tolerant than a tree. Then we can execute our service and chant Hare Krsna. If Indians are bad, then I am also bad, as I am an Indian. But they have accepted an Indian as their guru. So Indians are both good and bad according to the behavior…Don’t be afflicted by all these external features of our bodily relationship. Be steady in Krsna consciousness and do your duty, and you may be blessed by Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Krsna and make your life successful. We are neither Indian nor Americans; our real identity is that we are servants of Krsna.”
New Raman Reti is perhaps the most homogeneous blend of different nationalities in one temple in our movement. It’s part of the vibrancy of this community. The skills and talents and experiences combining together in service to Krsna that we find here creates a spiritual energy unique to our temple. It’s a cause for celebration, and sometimes it’s a challenge. When two people whose first language is not English communicate with each other in English, nuance can be lost and sometimes there is a mistaken perception of what’s being said. We all need to be extra sensitive to each other here, take a bit more time to communicate carefully and calmly; try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a minute before assuming they are wrong. We take time to cleanse our hearts in the shower of the holy names every day; we want to be cautious about throwing dirt right back over us by hanging out in the bodily identities of nationality, gender, intellect, profession, etc. We can be the real example of the United Nations, all operating under the Bhakti flag, if we keep everyone’s desire to serve Krsna and guru front and center.

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17526

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THREE OUT OF THE SIX OF OUR LONDON YATRA’S LEGENDARY DEVOTEES RETURN TO LEAD OUR SATURDAY NIGHT HARINAM PARTY. London (28-11-2015)

What follows is a short video of three of the six original devotees sent to London by Srila Prabhupada in 1968. Shyamsundar prabhu, Gurudas prabhu, and Malati prabhu. All three of them took part in the joyful evening of Street Chanting. Each one of them took turns to lead the kirtana.

OVER ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DEVOTEES WERE INSPIRED AND ENLIVENED BY THEIR PRESENCE…

PLEASE LIKE AND SHARE THIS EXCITING VIDEO PREMIER…

HARINAM SAMKIRTAN “OUR VERY LIFE & SOUL”.

WE HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY IT – AND THAT IT WILL INSPIRE AND ENCOURAGE YOU IN YOUR DEVOTIONAL SERVICE…

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17519

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Instant gratification & instant suffering

Instant noodles, instant coffee everything we need instantly in today's fast moving world. And finally what's the end result? Instant karmic reaction which is only multiplying the pain that we already have. People who are thoughtful can understand the defect of material sense gratification. We want to enjoy our senses right now & get pleasure. But the material nature won't allow us to do so beyond a limit. The more we try to enjoy the senses, the more we suffer. That's how this world is designed. 

A person who is not disturbed by the incessant flow of desires-that enter like rivers into the ocean which is ever being filled but is always still-can alone achieve peace, and not the man who strives to satisfy such desires.

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King’s College London Dental Institute, often found at the top of the national leaderboards for Dentistry, regularly invites speakers to inspire their students. On November 30th, 2015 they hosted Radhanath Swami alongside Ash Parmar, a world-famous cosmetic dentist (who has appeared on shows such as This Morning and Extreme Makeover), to give a seminar on the art of decision-making. Professor Mark Woolford, Dean of Education at the Institute, shared his reasoning for the talks: “One of the things that I feel very dearly about is that we have to instill into students that it isn’t just about dentistry, it isn’t just about learning to work with this [your head], it’s about learning to work with this [your head] and this [your heart]. If you haven’t got all of that together, it doesn’t matter how good you are at cutting crown preparation or holes in teeth or recreating shapes, you’re not really going to do a benefit to the patient, you’re not really going to be a useful part of society.”

To give students an insight into how to make clinical decisions in dentistry, Ash Parmar gave a presentation on different patients he’s treated in the past. “I was honoured to be here. This was a chance for me to share, through my career, decisions I have had to make through my practice, giving the students an opportunity to think about their options ahead. The learning curve gets steeper when you leave dental school” he said. “The more you learn, the more you find out you don’t know.” His main message to the students was “It’s all about picking the right mentors, going on the right courses, and really working out what work or career you want to go down. There are so many different fields. You need to think carefully.” He ended by urging students to introspect and aim to become the best people they can possibly be, so they can carry out the most caring treatment.

Divya Pathak, fourth year dental student at King’s College London and Vice President of the Dental Society, felt the same way: “I took away that work-life balance is really important. Dental students sometimes have the perception that it should be all about the money, all about selling their skills to patients. I felt that Ash was different. He wasn’t trying to sell his skills. More, he was trying to inspire us to produce a positive change in people’s lives.”

Due to his experiences, elaborated on in his autobiography, The Journey Home, Radhanath Swami was requested to speak about ethics, morality and compassion in relation to medically treating people.

From the outset, Professor Woolford was impressed: “It was fascinating to hear the silence when the Swami was talking. The fact that people were genuinely listening; I wish I had that much silence in my lectures when I give them on crown and bridge work!” he laughed.

Radhanath Swami told the students “cleaning our teeth is natural, but we also have to clean our heart.” He added that “If we don’t examine the deeper principles in life, we will develop the plaque of bad habits.”

Professor Woolford thought this a fitting message, responding “You’ve got to look at life in a deeper way. It isn’t just about dentistry. If you don’t start thinking about those things early on, you’re not going to be complete and you won’t make a great dentist. I think you’ll make a good dentist, but you won’t make a great dentist. And doesn’t everybody want to be great at everything they do? Not in terms of wealth and power, but great in the sense that you really made a genuine difference in another’s life. And I think that’s what his talk left with me: making a difference. Ash said ‘You smile with your eyes.’ From the Swami, I learnt you can do dentistry with your heart.”

“When he said ‘when you lose your character you lose everything.’ That really hit me. You should always remember who you are and stay true to yourself” said Manny Abdullah Naser, a second year dental undergraduate at King’s College. His friend, Ria Kanani, mentioned “His demeanor and taking it back to your roots. You have to be humble and grateful about everything you have in your life. Wealth is not about money, but your inner being. It’s about your soul.”

Radhanath Swami spoke briefly about the dental and eye camps he founded in Barsana, India. The Barsana Healthcare Centre is an initiative that sprung from the overwhelming need for eye and dental treatment in the poor district of Barsana. “90% of people there have never seen a dentist in their life!” said Radhanath Swami. “The wealthiest doctors and dentists give up their life of luxury to come together to serve these people with the intention of making them happy. They are in great need” he added.

The project started from Bhaktivedanta Hospital & Research Institute, a state-of-the-art facility in Mumbai based on the values Radhanath Swami promotes like compassion, integrity and spirituality. Professor Woolford was eager to send his students to such camps, admitting “An awful lot of dentists have been seriously challenged by attending those kind of camps. They challenge their own beliefs, perceptions and lifestyle. It’s so important to take on board that there are people out there who cannot afford what we can do, who have never seen what we can do and have no perception of what’s possible by having normal oral health. And isn’t oral health something everyone should have? Two weeks a year, it’s not a bad thing. And our students come back better people, I know they do.”

Ash ended the day by telling us that “Radhanath Swami is a very special soul. It’s very humbling to have the honour to lecture alongside him. What I like about him is that he uses great analogies and stories so that the audience can really question how we can be happiest with our careers and our life in general.” Ash was so impressed with the Swami that he ordered 30 copies of his book, The Real You, to give to his patients in his practice as well as his close friends.

Source:http://www.radhanathswami.com/2015/12/radhanath-swami-speaks-at-kings-college-dental-institute-london/
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Unidentified gunmen on Thursday night hurled a crude bomb inside International Society for Krishna Consciousness (Iskcon) temple in Kaharol's Bahuchi village and opened fire at its entrance, reports said.

At least two Hindu devotees were injured on Thursday as miscreants opened fire during a religious conference at a temple in Dinajpur's Kaharole area in Bangladesh.

Unidentified gunmen on Thursday night hurled a crude bomb inside International Society for Krishna Consciousness (Iskcon) temple in Kaharol's Bahuchi village and opened fire at its entrance, reports said.

Five men on two motorbikes went to Bahuchi and hurled the bomb, which did not explode but triggered a hue and cry, the police said

People those who were injured are - Mithun Chandra Roy, 27, and Ronojit Chandra Roy, 45. They were admitted to Dinajpur Medical College Hospital with injuries to the chest and leg.

But locals caught one of the attackers - Safayet Hossain - in possession of a crude bomb. And later the police arrested Safayet.

The incident triggered panic among the Hindus in the area as it was just five days after the bomb attack at Kantaji temple in the same upazila.

On November 30, Iskcon temple priest Birendranath Roy, was shot at Ranibandar village of Chirirbandar sub-district in Dinajpur. On November 18, criminals also shot an Italian doctor and a priest in Mirzapur area of Dinajpur town.

At least 10 people were injured as three crude bombs went off at jatra (open air drama) pandal on the premises of Kantaji Temple in Kaharol sub-district of Dinajpur on November 5.

Also read: 10 injured in bomb attack on Hindu religious gathering in Bangladesh

Source:http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/2-injured-iskcon-temple-gun-attack-in-bangladesh/1/544179.html

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By Madhava Smullen

A group of preschool children, along with their devotee parents and grandparents, bustled excitedly into Gopal’s Garden Homeschool Co-Op for their graduation party on November 5th.
The event had ISKCON New Vrindaban president Jaya Krsna Das calling the Co-Op “community building at its best.”

Gopal’s Garden was established in New Vrindaban, West Virginia – Srila Prabhupada’s first farm community — in 2007 by Ruci Dasi. It runs to eighth grade, and teaches thirteen students in total.
Its preschool, which cares for eight children aged three to five, was an individual effort launched this April by New Vrindaban residents and parents Sundari Dasi and Mercy.

“We decided to do it as soon as my son Sanjaya and Sundari’s daughter Bhumi were the right age, so that they could be together, and play and learn with other children in the community,” says Mercy, who was born and raised in New Vrindaban and wants to pursue a career in teaching.

Mercy assists head teacher Sundari, who moved to New Vrindaban from Bangalore in 2011 and holds a Montessori teacher training certificate. Under their care from 12:30 to 3:30 each day this year, the children learned basic ABCs, counting, colors, arts and crafts, how to share, hand-eye coordination and speech development along with spiritual projects that put Krishna in the center.

The teachers’ children Bhumi and Sanjaya both attended the recent graduation party at Gopal’s Garden to celebrate their first year of school, along with Malini, Pranaya Keli, Rama Lochana, Nadia, and Harilila. Arjuna, who was absent because he was traveling with his parents, also completed the year.

The event ran from 6 to 8:30pm, beginning with everyone offering ghee lamps together to Lord Damodara, along with the classroom deities of Radha Krishna and Jagannath, Baladeva and Subhadra.

A video presentation entitled “Glimpses of Gopal’s Garden Preschool” followed, showing the young students’ heartwarming participation in Krishna conscious festivals throughout the year.

“For our first festival of the year, Pushpa Abhisekha, we had a picking party with the kids where we picked a bunch of local flowers here in New Vrindaban, then they pulled off the petals and showered the deities with them,” says Mercy. “It was so sweet.”

Next, the children participated in ISKCON New Vrindaban’s Rathayatra by helping to make outfits for their classroom Jagannath Deities, decorating a small cart that community members came together to build, and pulling it while having an ecstatic kirtan. All the parents then made a special offering of cupcakes and cookies to Lord Jagannath, and distributed them to the children.

On Janmastami, the students got to bathe their Radha Krishna Deities in saffron water, and take turns pushing them on a special Jhulan Yatra swing that had been constructed for the occasion.

And on October 25th, a week before Halloween, the teachers and parents got creative and held a Krishna-ized Halloween party with all the children dressed as demons from Srila Prabhupada’s book Krishna: The Supreme Personality of Godhead. The parents then ascended a stage with their child and narrated the pastime of how Lord Krishna dispatched that particular demon.

Meanwhile in honor of the 50th anniversary of Srila Prabhupada’s arrival to the West, the children got to decorate a construction paper “Jaladuta” ship and glue blue cotton balls around it to represent the ocean.

After the video depicting all these activities, the children stood and sang classic gurukula songs like “My Name is Aghasura,” “Krishna’s Devotees Had A Farm,”and Mercy’s own composition to the tune of “Mary Had A Little Lamb” – “Krishna Has A Little Calf.” They also demonstrated their “ABCs.”

Sundari and Mercy then presented proposed plans for improving the preschool in 2016.

“As next year will be more focused on academics and learning, we will introduce a worksheet program, teaching the kids how to trace and write letters so that they can start learning how to write their own names,” says Sundari. “We’ll also start teaching them the Spanish and Sanskrit for English words they’re learning.”

Health will also be a priority. There will be more outdoor games, and yoga taught by Sundari – who has a diploma from Bangalore’s VYASA yoga university – so that the children can burn off their energy and learn motor skills. Lunch time, instead of consisting of store-bought snacks as it did this year, will feature a full meal such as rice, dahl and bread cooked by a different parent each day.

Inside the classroom, individual cubbies will be installed for each child to learn to put away their jackets, shoes and personal items.

And as always, Krishna consciousness will be a priority: a proper altar will replace the current dovetailed bookshelf. “We also want to have a couple of Laddhu Gopal Deities, so that the children can learn to dress Them and offer their food to Them,” Sundari says.

To conclude the graduation program, the children were presented with certificates. Finally, principal Ruci Dasi and president Jaya Krsna Das spoke, thanking Sundari and Mercy for their dedication and enthusiasm and praising how the school has brought the community together.

“It’s wonderful to see the kids hugging each other when they come in, and to see all the parents becoming friends,” said Jaya Krsna. “Many of them would not even know each other if the pre-school didn’t exist, as they live several miles apart from each other.”

He was glad to see the preschool training the children so early in life in Krishna consciousness, in a way that would be a challenge for their parents to do with their busy schedules. He also appreciated that the preschool gave parents, especially mothers, some much needed free time in which to rest, chant, or engage in other activities, while feeling assured that their children are being nicely taken care of.
Weeks after the graduation event, Jaya Krsna is still bubbling over with enthusiasm and appreciation for the preschool.
“For me, it’s just Krishna’s magic,” he says. “These kids are our future; and so the preschool is doing nothing less than building the future of New Vrindaban.”

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17534

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In attached photo:
From left to right:
Canadian stage director Valerie Kuinka, her husband Richard Margison, the honourable Prime Minister Justin Trudeau & Bhakta Dustin Hiles.

by Jaya Govinda Dasa (GKG)
Bhakta Dustin, a Hare Krishna devotee, was given the honour of singing the National Anthem to open the first holiday caucus dinner of the recently elected Canadian liberal government.
Newly elected Canadian Prime Minister, the Right Honourable Justin Trudeau along with his wife Mrs. Grégoire-Trudeau, affectionately known as “Sofie”, hosted the gala event of almost three thousand elite guests.
After singing the Canadian National Anthem opposite the legendary Richard Margison, one of the most critically acclaimed singers on the international stage today, Bhakta Dustin and Richard were ushered to the prime minister’s table by several staffers at the specific request of the honorable prime minister.
Although Bhakta Dustin didn’t get a lot of time to speak with the Prime Minister, he did get to speak at length with the prime minister’s wife Sofie, “who is truly an amazing women and truth seeker” says Bhakta Dustin.
“She said that the difference between Justin Trudeau and Harper, is that Justin leads with devotion, “Bhakti”. I was so inspired. After our long conversation we both, with folded hands, paid our obeisance’s to each other and she said “Hare Krishna!”

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17537

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December Book Marathon Message

My dear devotees,

Please accept my best wishes. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

In a letter to me dated December 1971, Srila Prabhupada wrote, “Go on increasing books, and go on increasing my pleasure.” December is a special opportunity to focus on Srila Prabhupada’s desire that we distribute books—and thus increase his pleasure. As he wrote in the same letter, “I am most pleased especially to hear that you are distributing many books.”

tad-vag-visargo janatagha-viplavo
yasmin prati-slokam abaddhavaty api
namany anantasya yaso ’nkitani yat
srnvanti gayanti grnanti sadhavah

“That literature which is full of descriptions of the transcendental glories of the name, fame, forms, pastimes, etc., of the unlimited Supreme Lord is a different creation, full of transcendental words directed toward bringing about a revolution in the impious lives of this world’s misdirected civilization. Such transcendental literatures, even though imperfectly composed, are heard, sung, and accepted by purified men who are thoroughly honest.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.5.11)

Now let us cooperate fully to fulfill Srila Prabhupada’s desire, which is the desire of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and the parampara, and distribute such transcendental literature for the benefit of all—and be blessed by their sublime mercy.

Thank you very much.

Hare Krishna.

Your grateful servant,
Giriraj Swami

Source:http://www.girirajswami.com/?p=10455

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Hare Krishna.
We have an immediate vacancy for a suitably qualified teacher for our lovely class of eighteen 9 and 10 year old students. All of our children are from devotee families and are intelligent and will behaved. The teacher is unable to come due to a sudden health crisis, so we are looking for a devotee who can come for 6 months (until the first week of June). The service can be made longer for a suitable person.

The requirements for the position are : teaching degree/ successful teaching experience with Primary school aged children, ability to give a reference from previous school taught in and CPO check.

Sri Mayapur International School offers academic and Krishna conscious education. We can offer the teacher 15,000 Rs per month allowance, accommodation, medical insurance and free lunch prasad during term time. Most importantly ,we offer the unique chance to work with devotee children in the holy dham. As H.H Jayapataka Maharaja told our students , when he visited last week ” You are all studying in the dust of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu!”

If you wish to know more about the school ,please visit our website www.mayapurschool.com or Facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/srimayapurinternationalschool/?ref=ts&fref=ts

Should you wish to apply for this service,please email the Principal gunacuda@yahoo.com

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17212

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By Mahatma Das

What follows are the main principles I teach in my marriage workshop entitled Sacred Union, The laws of relationship. Following these principles can help a bad marriage become good, a good marriage become better, and turn around a marriage that seems doomed to fail.

I, and many others, have found these principles extremely valuable in creating a good marriage. Please put these principles into practice in your marriage and share them with as many people as possible. These principles are common sense, yet both profound and extremely effective, and they can be successfully used by anyone.

Is a healthy marriage really important?
After you read all the principles on creating a healthy marriage, you might be thinking, “It’s a lot of work to create a good marriage. I don’t know if I can do all of this. And anyway, is it really worth all the trouble? Is a good marriage really that important? Aren’t we supposed to be more detached? And if the relationship isn’t good, isn’t it just my karma and thus Krishna’s mercy to help me become more detached?”

This begs the question, “What does it mean to have a good marriage in Krishna consciousness?” I have never seen Prabhupada instruct his disciples to have a bad marriage because that would make a marriage “good,” meaning the couple will be so disturbed that they realize that they can’t be happy in the material world.

If you advance in Krishna consciousness, you will naturally realize that real love is with Krishna and that there is no happiness anywhere in the material world.

Our scriptures state that the goal of family life is to eventually become detached from family life. But how do you become detached? One of the best ways of becoming detached, although this seems contradictory, is to have a fulfilling marriage.

The point is this:

Marriage is meant to fulfill material desires in a way that one can eventually give them up.

If those desires never get fulfilled, then one may find him or herself hankering to fulfill those desires later in life at a time when they would be winding down had they been married.

A good marriage also means staying together and creating a happy and peaceful home for your children. As Prabhupada said, “Get yourself married and live peacefully together.”

The goal of marriage, however, is not to be happy. The goal is to be happily married. There is a difference. Don’t look to your spouse to make you happy. Look to make your spouse happy. If you do this, you will be happily married.

When you are happily married you create a peaceful platform, an asrama, from which you cultivate your Krishna consciousness well. It is by cultivation of Krishna consciousness that you become happy.

No one has ever become happy trying to satisfy their desires. At the same time, if basic relational needs are not met, one will not be peaceful. Being peaceful is necessary so that we can cultivate our Krishna consciousness.

Sense gratification is not the goal of household life. The goal is to execute Krishna consciousness. If you believe it is your spouse’s responsibility to make you happy, and you expect this from him or her, you will likely be let down and frustrated. Rather, think it is your service to make your spouse happy, to serve them, and to be a good example of Krishna consciousness. This will make you happy.

We know that ultimately the only thing that will make us happy is Krishna consciousness. So if we utilize the grhastha asrama to increase our Krishna consciousness, helping one another in our service to guru and Krishna, we will be happy because we will be advancing in Krishna consciousness.

Laws of relationship
Creating a good relationship is not a mystery. There are laws that create connection. If you are married, or want to be married, as a service to your spouse you need to learn these laws.

There are many books and websites on marriage, in and outside of Krishna consciousness, that can help you better understand how to make a marriage work.

The main point is:

Your spouse can be likened to a machine, and you need to learn the skills required operate this machine well. If you don’t, the machine will not operate properly, or even break down.

When your spouse complains too much, it is likely an indication that you are not operating the machine well. So how do you learn how to better operate the machine? One of the best ways to do this is to ask your spouse how the machine functions best.

And then listen to what he or she says and try to do implement the advice as best you can.

You should enter grhastha asrama with the goal of making the asrama successful by becoming the servant of your husband or your wife, not enter it to become the controller or enjoyer of your spouse. View success in this asrama as success in your Krishna consciousness.

“Succeeding” your marriage is part of what it means to succeed in Krishna consciousness.

The right paradigm
Can you make a 6 out of the symbol “IX” using only one line?

You either are going to figure out how to do this right away, or you are not going to get it. It depends on how you are looking at this, on your paradigm.

Sometimes people fail in their marriage not because of any lack of effort, analysis, or care. Sometimes people fail because they’re locked in the wrong paradigm.

If you’re not seeing your marriage or your spouse in the proper light, then you won’t succeed. And no amount of effort will change that. The only thing that will get you different results is a different perspective. Once you adopt the right perspective, having a good marriage can be as easy as placing an “S” in front of “IX” to make “SIX.”

The point is this:

Unhealthy paradigms that we bring to our marriage become the negative operating programs undermining our marriage, and thus can become the cause of a failed marriage. Similarly, healthy paradigms form the basis of a successful marriage.

Do you have any unhealthy paradigms that are undermining your marriage?

In Iskcon, unfortunately, negative paradigms about women, children and marriage are common. We hear that marriage is a falldown, women are an entanglement, and it is a dark well. Such considerations, when not balanced with the positive sides of grhastha life, can be toxic to a good marriage.

Negative paradigms can be toxic by creating attitudes that make it difficult – or impossible – to have a good marriage.

Another factor that can negatively impact a marriage is holding our spouses to stereotyped roles that are difficult or impossible to fulfill, or assuming roles ourselves that are inappropriate (based on our misunderstanding of sastra).

One such example of this is the teaching that a husband is the guru to the wife. To explain how this teaching is misunderstood, and thus can be harmful to a good relationship, I have written an article titled “Husband as Guru” which it is available on my website and on dandavats.com

It is your duty to love
Our consumer values of, “We want what we want, when we want it,” and then quickly getting it, are entering into our marriages. Today we are less accustomed to working (and waiting) for things than we were in the past. Spouses are becoming a bit like old cars: if the spouse isn’t working well, we trade him or her in for a new model.

Dharma means we do something because it is right, not that we only do something because we like doing it. The point is:

Our duty is to love our spouses, whether or not we love them.

Maharaja Priyavrata was a wonderful kind, loving and caring husband. Yet sastra says he was not at all attached to his wife. This appears contradictory. How can one be so loving yet so detached?

He took loving his wife and family as his duty. Therefore he was the best husband and father. Although we might find this kind of “love” artificial, the so-called love in the material world is more artificial because it is based more on emotions than duty. And if the emotions wane, the relationship also wanes.

When a spouse says, “I don’t have the same feelings for you I had when we were younger,” this translates into, “I don’t love you anymore.” The underpinning is this: “Since I don’t love you anymore, I feel the need to find someone else to love.”

If you want to base your relationship primarily on the feelings of “love” rather than duty, the chances of your marriage lasting, or being a fulfilling relationship – even if you stay together – are rare. But if we take it as our dharma to “love,” the “love” will last.

Dharma is higher than feeling.

Did I marry the right person?
You might sometimes question whether you married the right person. This is the wrong question to ask. As mentioned above, the key to a successful marriage is showing affection, kindness, and sensitivity to the person you found.

The point is:

It is not whether you married the right person, but whether you are “loving” the person you married.

Anyone can fall in love. It takes absolutely no work. And the relationship automatically stays good in this romantic stage. Why? It is because when “in love” you secrete hormones that intoxicate you. This intoxication makes you blind to the faults of your partner. Many of the wonderful things they did when you first “fell in love” become the very things that disturb you later on. You just didn’t pay attention to these things when you first met. You were so in love that those things seemed cute.

How is it that “good” relationships often later become bad. It is because after the romance stage the couple needs to learn relationship skills, skills they didn’t need to have during the romantic stage when everything they did was wonderful and seemingly perfect. If they don’t learn them, then they may never learn how to adjust to their differences and the things they don’t like in one another. In other words, after the romantic stage is over, how we choose to act will determine the success of our marriage.

For devotees this is a serious consideration. We are meant to be examples to the public. But we are failing in general to set an ideal example of grhastha life. Our divorce rates are no different than those outside of Iskcon. Some devotees say they are even higher. If our philosophy is supposed to be perfect and solve all problems, our marriages should demonstrate this.

Why is this? More about this in the next principle.

Problems are caused by a lack of connection, not a lack of communication. 
Contrary to popular belief, effective communication is an effect of a good relationship, not the cause of a good relationship. If you want to improve the communication, first work on improving the relationship. Then the communication will automatically improve. Good communication is the result of a good connection. Every couple that has a good relationship naturally has good communication. When couples are first “in love” they have great communication. Bad communication is a symptom of a relationship problem.

Marriages don’t change because people talk; they change because people change and thus become closer. So talk about things that will make you connect more. Problems get dissolved when the connection between husband and wife improves. The main point is this:

Trouble in marriage means a lack of connection. If you want to make things better, established a better connection.

The more effort you put into improving your relationship, the stronger your marriage becomes. Sometimes all this means is spending more time together. It can be as simple as making sure you spend time every day sharing your mind with one another (sharing one’s mind in confidence is one of the loving exchanges). Tip the balance too much in favor of things that minimize time together and your marriage drops in priority (occasionally this could even mean time spent in seva, with friends, or with the kids).

Becoming the right person
Succeeding in marriage is less about finding the right person and more about becoming the right person. Why? Because you affect those around you.

A man once came to a town and asked the local sage, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?” The sage asked the man, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are liars, cheaters, and mean spirited,” the man responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

Then another man came to town and asked the sage the same question. The sage asked the man, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are wonderful, kind, and courteous,” the man responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

The point is this:

We are not just an objective observer of the people in our life; we’re a subjective influence on them.

In other words, our presence changes people and thus changes what we observe. Your relationship is not simply a function of who you pick; it’s also a function of who you are.

Would your spouse be a better or happier person married to someone else? It is painful to admit this could be true.

Okay, your spouse may be contributing to bad dynamics. But you play a role as well. I’ve never seen a marital situation caused only by one spouse. What can you do to improve the situation?

Even if your spouse had an affair, you’re partly responsible. What was your spouse seeking outside your marriage that was not available within it?

Don’t just sit there waiting for your spouse to change. If you want your situation to change, then change it! Do your part. Because if you change, then everything around you changes too. And you’ve got to make the right changes. Like a scientist, you have to know what changes to make to get the outcome you’re looking for.

One of the easiest ways to know what changes to make, and probably the most overlooked, is simply to ask your spouse how to be a better partner.

It only takes one person to change a marriage
One person can change a marriage. If you have two chemicals and mix them, you get a third. If you want a different result, you only have to change one chemical.

The point is this:

If you change, you will get different results in your marriage.

A family is a system. There are interlocking parts that affect one another. Of course, it is better if both partners are involved in improving the marriage, but you still can make a difference. A marriage needs a leader. If you don’t feel like doing anything to improve the relationship until your spouse is also willing to improve, then nothing may happen.

Don’t give up.Work on yourself. Do what you can to improve the marriage. When a broken bone heals it becomes stronger than it was before it was broken. So if your marriage is in trouble (or even gets in trouble) it can become stronger than before things broke down between you.

Quick Fixes
When a person learns that their husband or wife doesn’t “love” them anymore, they usually try to find a fix for their problem. The same is true for couples trying to resolve serious differences before it’s too late.

Many people go online and search for THE answer. But finding a solution to your marriage problems is not like finding a solution to a financial problem. You can’t just click, get a loan, and have an instant solution.

Today people are into quick fixes. But you can’t “microwave” a relationship. Relationships work according to the law of the harvest. In the spring time you plant. Then you water and fertilize all summer long. And, of course, you wait. Then you harvest the crop.

Relationships are similar. They take time to grow and improve. But most people look for short-cuts. Today everything is about efficiency. Efficiency works with machines, business, and finances. But efficiency does not work with relationships.

Relationships, like crops, are governed by the natural laws of the universe. If you skip a step, you’ll short-circuit the process and slow yourself down. Taking time, going step-by-step is how you improve a relationship.

Once a man was desperately trying to “win back” his wife and he read an e-book which recommended THE solution: date other women in order to make his wife jealous. The idea is that this would bring his wife back to him.

But his wife left him because she wasn’t happy with him. Even if he gets her back, if he doesn’t change she’ll leave him again. So if your relationship isn’t working well, and if you don’t change in areas that will improve it, then you will have accomplished nothing in the long-term.

The point is:

The only way you can change your marriage is to change yourself. You’ve got to become the man or woman that your spouse would want to be married to.

You have to learn what your spouse wants in a marriage. And you need to learn how to implement relationship habits so that you can offer them what they want consistently.

Words can break the heart
Kids in the US have a nursery rhyme that goes like this: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”But the fact is the words do hurt.Words do more damage than breaking bones; they break hearts.

In frustration or anger people say stupid things and use obscene language. Even if you or your spouse didn’t mean to say it, once it’s said, the damage is done. That’s why it’s so important for spouses to learn to control themselves and watch what they say.

The point is this:

The most common request married couples have is that they just want their spouse to be nice to them.

Can we not learn to be nice to the very person we vowed to serve and protect? It sounds simple but it is often a challenge. Of course, a devotee is meant not only to be nice to his family, but he or she is meant to be nice to everyone. And more than nice, we are meant to be compassionate. Isn’t it is an irony that we are sometimes challenged to speak nicely to our spouses?

We need to learn how to:

  • Express our feelings in a healthy way.

  • Say what’s on our mind without destroying our spouse.

  • Understand what it means to be honest with our spouse?

  • Control destructive impulses.

  • Listen so your spouse will talk.

  • Talk so your spouse will listen.

You can be right or you can be happy
In a courtroom, a hospital, or an office, right and wrong determine success or failure. The decision to prescribe the right medicine, for example, could be the difference between life and death. The relationship between the doctor and the patient is secondary. Being right is what matters and what is rewarded.

But in marriage, being right has no value. All that matters is the relationship. Sometimes you have to choose whether you want to be right or you want to be happily married!

Just because you’re right/wrong paradigm works at the office doesn’t mean you should bring it home. “He who is a hammer thinks everything is a nail.” Some things work perfectly in one area of life and fail terribly in another. In marriage, you have to be like a carpenter and know which tool to use. The right/wrong mode is the wrong tool to use in your marriage.

The point is:

The more you insist on being right, the more you will be miserable in your marriage. Don’t go for right; go for relationship.

IQ is a measure of your intellectual intelligence. The higher your IQ, the better your ability to process information and determine what’s “right.” EQ is a measure of your emotional intelligence. The higher your EQ, the better your ability to connect with people and succeed in relationships. Just as some athletes are strong but not fast, many people have a high IQ but a low EQ. In fact, a high IQ coupled with a low EQ can be a disastrous combination for a marriage.

Anyone can increase their EQ and learn to make their marriage right. So remember, the most important thing is the relationship. And if you have a good relationship, then you are right.

Patience
Do you know what happens after you plant the seed of a Chinese bamboo tree?Nothing. For four years you get nothing other than a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb.

But what’s happening is that underneath the ground there’s a massive root structure that’s forming. Then, in the fifth year, the Chinese bamboo tree grows and grows, sometimes growing up to eighty eighty feet tall!

Marriages sometimes grow like Chinese bamboo trees. You try and try to be kind by giving gifts, being gentle, or sharing a joke, yet sometimes it takes months, even years before you see the growth. But all the while you’re making deposits into a secret account that all of a sudden (that’s the way it seems, but, in fact, my point is that it’s not all of sudden) begins paying dividends.

It takes maturity to be patient.

The point is:

It takes maturity to be willing to give your spouse the time they need to grow – and to see that time as an opportunity for you to grow too.

What you feel and what you do
You need to distinguish between what you feel and what you do. Unfortunately people who feel bad also act bad. However, you can feel hurt but choose to behave in a loving productive way. So don’t fall victim to your feelings. Align you actions with your values and goals, not with your feelings and impulses. The point is:

The outcome of your marriage will be an outcome of your actions, not your feelings.

You bring conditioning into your marriage from childhood, and many of these conditioned behaviors make marriage difficult. Don’t say “This is what I am like and I can’t change.” When we say, “A leopard can’t change his spots,” we are saying we are animals. We are different than animals. We can choose to behave differently.

Personality versus character

“The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.” – Peter Devries

Your “personality” is how people experience you. It’s your public persona. Character is who you are when no one is watching.

When you and your spouse met, you met each other’s personalities. You showed your spouse – and you were shown by your spouse – your public personas. It is just how you display yourself to others.

But marriage is in too close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to a self that gets revealed for the first time. And there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. And that’s when you meet a different self for the first time!

You and your spouse don’t meet the person who charmed each other’s friends, bought gifts for each other’s parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. No, this time it’s a meeting of your characters. In many cases, it’s not only that you’re meeting each other for the first time, but it’s that you’re meeting yourselves for the first time.

The reason so many people fail at marriage and an attempt at marriage renewal is not that they don’t like their spouse. It’s that they don’t like themselves. The point is this:

While everyone else in our life is like a mirror reflecting our personality, our spouse is a mirror reflecting our character.

And many people don’t like what they see!

Many people would rather choose to be with someone else rather than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you get that?)

Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as follows: “You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage.”

Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand.

You decide
Freud documented the impact that heredity and upbringing have on a person’s fate. We learn patters early-on that play out over and over while we remain oblivious to how they control (and possibly destroy) our lives. But does that mean the destiny of your marriage was determined years ago?

There is no doubt that you have deeply rooted relationship instincts. But those instincts don’t have to control you. Your past constantly vies for control of your future, but you have a choice whether or not you allow your past to control your future.

Your control takes place in the present. You can decide how to act. You can decide how to act rather than be a victim to your past. After all, karma is a result of your past actions. Even what we do a minute ago affects us right now. Every effect has a cause.

This point is that you can consciously reject what you know doesn’t work and then replace old habits with new ways of behaving.

The point is:

Most people are more comfortable doing what’s familiar, even though destructive, than doing what’s unfamiliar although constructive. As crazy as it sounds, most people prefer doing what they know doesn’t work rather than breaking out of old patters to do something different that would work better.

We need to become a “transition person.” A transition person is someone who breaks free from unhealthy relationship patterns that have been in their family for generations. You are by no means a product solely of your heredity or environment. There is a third element: your decision. And that is how you deal with your past.

By the way, marriage education means to educate someone to acquire the ability to choose their behavior.

A successful marriage is not something that just happens; you have to craft it. It’s a result of deliberate and conscious decisions to make your relationship work well.

Respect
What actions of yours demonstrate respect to your spouse? What actions of yours undermine respect?

Relationships are based on and nurtured by respect. Anger, yelling, criticism, sarcasm, inappropriate language, put downs, irreverence, not listening well, self-centeredness, not keeping promises – what to speak of physical abuse – all show disrespect. The point is:

Be aware of how you may be disrespecting your spouse and do more things to honor and respect him or her.

Relationships have an emotional bank account. Positive actions are like deposits. Negative actions are like withdrawals. However, it takes five positive actions to compensate for one negative action. If you keep making withdrawals, your relationship will be bankrupt.

Is your marriage rich or is your marriage on the verge of bankruptcy? You can make it richer with more deposits and less withdrawals.

Appreciation
Do you notice the beat of your heart? Nobody really does. And something that doesn’t get your attention doesn’t get your appreciation. What stirs gratitude within us is when something uncommon or infrequent is done for us. If a friend invites you over for a meal, you thank them many times. If your wife cooks for you every day, you probably take it for granted. So the more you get something, the more you expect it – and the less likely you are to appreciate it.

This is one of the great challenges of building a lasting marriage. We crave appreciation. The point is:

A successful relationship depends upon appreciation.

People can’t live fulfilling lives without it. But the longer we’re married, the less likely we are to appreciate our spouse. So we need to be aware of this natural tendency and be proactive about not letting it happen.

There’s no easy way to fill your marriage with appreciation. It may not always come naturally. You have to make it a conscious discipline. Before the day is over, make sure you say at least one word of appreciation to your spouse. And do this every day.

Expressing feelings
Sometimes openly and honestly expressing your feelings can be very hurtful to your spouse. You might feel that it is important to be honest about your feelings, but if honestly expressing your feelings is hurtful to the other person, then it will damage the relationship, and thus is inappropriate.

The main point is (explained in the Gita thusly):

Austerity of speech consists in speaking words that are truthful, pleasing, beneficial, and not agitating to others, and also in regularly reciting Vedic literature. (BG 17.15)

Focus on the positive/solutions rather than on the problems
Don’t focus on the difficulties or problems in your marriage; focus on what you can do to make your marriage better. By doing this, many (or all) of the negatives will vanish. Once you make your marriage better, you will be able to more easily and successfully deal with any remaining negatives.

Focus on action. Focusing on listening and discussing problems rather than doing things to make the marriage better doesn’t work. Although this may help you have a better understanding of each other’s point of view, what you actually need is an action plan to improve your marriage.

Talking about the problems in a marriage can actually make the problems worse. This could lead to arguments and bad will.

The real point is this:

You will never talk yourself out of a problem that you behaved yourself into.

Marriages change because people change. Say little; do much. Speak in a vocabulary of your actions. New choices resolve marital problems; discussions don’t. Solving problems does create more affection; creating more affection solves problems.

Your needs
You should not be upset because you spouse doesn’t know your needs. You may have to communicate your needs to them. Don’t be unhappy that they are not always aware of your needs. Be happy if they respond to the needs you tell them you have.

The point is this:

Don’t expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

Yes, we should try to feel what our spouse needs, but we shouldn’t have that expectation of them for ourselves. We should communicate our needs to them.

Keep your problems private
One of the most important values in a marriage is privacy. Therefore, it’s a mistake to talk about your marriage or your spouse to family or friends. It’s a violation of your spouse’s privacy and it is wrong.

We like to talk to their friends about their problems. Sometimes we need to talk about our problems. But it is not right to reveal your marital problems to your friends, even if you think you need them to help you solve such problems. The point is:

It is unfair to your spouse to reveal your personal problems with him or her to your friends or family unless you have their permission.

If problems are serious they can be addressed by professionals.

Don’t ignore the problem, face it
If you are having any difficulty in your marriage that needs fixing, there are basically two ways to deal with it: you can either ignore it or focus on it.

People who run from their problems seek relief, but end up in pain. People who face their issues experience pain, but end up relieved. A problem doesn’t go away because you run from it; it gets worse.

It is important to realize that we get exactly the problems we need in our life to fix the things about ourselves that need fixing. In other words, problems in marriage are not coincidental; they are a sign that you have a weakness that needs work. If you ignore it, the pain will increase until you finally say, “Okay, I’ll deal with this.”

The point is:

The worst suffering occurs when you run from your suffering. The worst pain comes from avoidance. The healing magic is attention. The only way out of your suffering is through it.

The problems in your life are like fingers pointing toward answers to your most crucial questions. They are transformations trying to happen. They’re birth pains. Let it come! It’ll hurt, but that hurt is a path to your healing.

There’s an ancient Chinese proverb that says: “The gem cannot be polished without friction; nor man perfected without trials.”

Quarrels
If you had to pick one thing that would best predict a marriage headed for trouble, what would you pick?You might say “conflict.” If you fight a lot, then that’s not a good sign, right?

Wrong. The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.

The point is this:

A couple who runs from conflict is at the greatest risk of having a bad marriage because they are not talking about what bothers them.

The closer you are to someone the more likely it is that you step on each other’s toes. If you express your upset it is actually a sign of hope because it means you want to improve the relationship. Apathy, on the other hand, is cause for great concern because it means you are not trying to make things better.

I am not saying fighting is healthy. I am saying people in healthy marriages talk about differences. So if you want to be happily married, you have to learn to “argue” in ways that produce positive results.

Successful couples know how to discuss their differences. This is not something that comes naturally to most people, so most of us have to learn this skill. And once you learn it, the energy that goes into your quarrels will propel your relationship forward.

Every successful couple has areas of disagreement. No two people are perfectly compatible. You’ll have differences with anyone you pick. The question is whether or not you can learn to discuss and deal well with those differences, negotiate solutions well, and keeping moving forward despite differences.

Thoughts on infidelity
Many victims of infidelity (and other emotional hardships) feel like leaving their spouse.

However, sometimes this cheating spouse transforms him or herself after getting the “I want a divorce” wake up call from their spouse. This makes them less likely to make the same mistake again. In other words, once a spouse learns their lesson, they’re less likely to make this mistake than someone who’s never erred in that way before.

About 25 percent of women and nearly 50 percent of men cheat on their spouses. Thus, this often means that if one divorces a spouse who cheated on them, and then remarries, there is more of a chance the new partner will cheat on them than the repentant former partner.

The point is this:

A partner who is remorseful and has truly transformed is unlikely to commit the same mistake again.

Here lies an unfortunate irony. People wait years and years for their spouse to wake up and change their ways. Then when they finally do it, they’re told it’s too late.

It’s often the people who have made serious mistakes, people who have had the harshest wake up calls, who become the best spouses and are capable of forging the best relationships.

Do you see the irony here?

The mistakes that ruin relationships are those that transform the culprits into people capable of the most outstanding relationships. The unfortunate thing for victims is that often they don’t know how to heal from the hurt that would enable them to reap the benefit of their ordeal.

So the roles become reversed. The person who was ruining the relationship stands ready to transform it, while the person who wanted to work on the relationship all along becomes the cog in the wheel that inhibits it.

So think before giving up on a spouse who was unfaithful.

How To Get Over Past Hurt? 
How do you get over past hurt? After all, you can’t change what happened in the past. Actually, to forgive someone you have to be able to give up all hope that things could have been different.

You need to live your life from today forward. If not, the past will determine your future. Unresolved issues of resentment will play havoc in relationships. Many of the future difficulties you encounter with your spouse will be precipitated by today’s unresolved resentment.

The point is this:

Without forgiveness, no relationship will be fully healthy.

So how do you get over the past? Well, the past is already over! Rather than dwelling on the past we should thank God it’s over.

Let’s move forward with a forgiving heart and live with the thought that today is the first day of the rest of our life. The past will only affect us to the degree we allow it to.

Is the right person, the right person?
Having found the “right person,” the one you are most compatible with, you will shortly see they have another side which we will call “another person.” “Another person” is the part of your spouse that you don’t like. But what’s important here is to know that you did get the “right person,” and every right person comes along with “another person” you didn’t meet when getting to know them (or you met them but pretended you didn’t see this side of them). So, since you are happy to be married to the “right person,” be happy that you have the “right person,” even though you are also married to “another person.” This is simply the price you must pay to be married to the “right person.” Everyone has to also marry “another person” but at least you got the “right person” also.

No two people are perfect for each other, and when couples meet the “other person,” they become frustrated with their marriage and their spouse. The key is not to divorce, but to know what to do when you meet the “other person.”

Guess what? You are not the only one who will meet the “other person.” Your spouse will also meet “another person.” So are we going to have two people with two good reasons to separate or divorce, or are we going to have two people who admit that we may not be “perfect” – or even that perfect for one another – but we going to accept, respect, honor and show affection to one another, no matter what. We are going to act lovingly towards one another.

And you did marry the “right person.” The “right person is still there, even if sometimes accompanied by the “other person.” So appreciate that you still have the “right person,” and think about what you like about the “right person.”

A few words on compatibility
Do “compatible” couples always have good marriages? No. Do “incompatible” couples always have bad marriages? No.Should we look for a “compatible” spouse? Yes.

Actually, compatibility is not the objective of marriage. Having a good relationship is the objective. You can be very compatible and have very little relationship. After all, do you have deep relationships with everyone you are compatible with? So many couples work on being more compatible when they should be working on having a better relationship. Working on being more compatible is different from developing an affectionate relationship. After all, everyone wants to love and be loved. Our deepest need is not to be compatible, it is to love. So improving compatibility doesn’t necessarily produce affection and a closer relationship; it just produces more compatibility.

So what does this mean? It means that no matter what, you need to work on creating a better relationship, not more compatibility. Don’t think that if you just “get along” you have a successful marriage. “Prabhu, we are doing well. My wife hasn’t thrown a pot at me for six months! This is not the assessment of a good marriage. Assess the relationship.

The point is this:

You can get along, you can be compatible, and have a bad relationship.

And you are going to change over time. Your compatibility at twenty-five is going to change at fifty. When it does, if you base your marriage on compatibility, rather than on the relationship, you are going to run into trouble. Is your marriage insulated from the possible disastrous effects caused by character changes in you or your spouse.

Good marriages are good primarily because they give importance to the relationship, not to the compatibility.

A good example of this my friendships with those who have left Iskcon to join or start other movements. Their leaving Iskcon is a compatibility issue. But the fact that we were close friends at one time, that we like one another, that we can still inspire one another now, keeps the relationship strong and alive, despite the so called compatibility issues.

If you marriage is based on compatibility, you are probably sitting on a time bomb. Things change in this world, both you and situations. How will deal with these changes? Not well, if you base your marriage on compatibility. But if it based on the relationship, you will weather storms well together.

Accepting as is

Another aspect of relationship development is acceptance. Your spouse has a certain personality, certain nature, and certain idiosyncrasies, some of which may change over time for the better or for the worse, and some that will never change. You will find many “weird” things about your spouse over the years. (I am referring to common character flaws, not physical or verbal violence, sexual abuse, continual cheating, etc.).

If you allow these weird traits to bother you, and you will be often disturbed with your spouse. And this is toxic to your relationship – and to yourself. If you accept this is just how he or she is, then those things will tend to bother you less, or not at all, Accepting what you can’t change is a fundamental tenet of Krishna consciousness. The more we adopt this practice, the better.

For example, your spouse might not be attentive to details, or tend to forget things you ask them to do. So how do you deal with this? Either don’t ask them to do something important, of if you do, check up on them to make sure they haven’t forgotten and understand exactly what to do and how to do it. Instead of getting frustrated when they forget to do something, thinking, “Why is he always so unreliable,” accept that this is just how God made him and love him for what you find admirable in him in spite of these flaws.

It is about “we,” not “me” 
Conflicts can be easily resolved, or prevented, when you think in terms of “we” rather than “me.” If you think in terms of what is best for the relationship, what is best for the “team,” then disagreements become agreements because both of you are on the same side; you want what is best for the team, not what is best for one or the other.

For example, if your wife says “I need you home from work earlier,” rather than argue that you can’t get home earlier, you could say, “Let’s brainstorm how we can do this.” You say this even though you are not sure how this can happen since you cannot possibly finish your work before 7 pm. But now you are on the same page trying to solve the problem together rather than arguing that it is not possible to come home earlier.

What might come out of this discussion is that you could come earlier, take dinner with the family, and then after the kids go to bed, do the work you didn’t finish at the office. Although your wife might normally be upset when you work at home, because you worked on the decision together she accepts that for you to be home by 6 pm, you will need to put in extra work at home.

And, on your own you might have never come up with this idea, or if you did, it might have been difficult to negotiate being able to work at home because in the past your wife insisted that you don’t bring any work home.

Another aspect of “we” is to take interest in and be supportive of things your spouse does that you don’t have much personal interest in. Sometimes this might mean taking part in what your spouse does, being there while he or she does it, or supporting them in this. The point is that it is all too easy to become roommates and have two separate lives.

Of course, it is also great if you both have several similar interests. If so, capitalize on these by doing these together. Relationships tend to improve the more you do more things together and degrade the more you live in your own worlds.

The bottom line is that when you get married your life must go from “me” to “we.” You won’t always get your way, but your relationship will be good, and you will ultimately be happier because of it.

What if your spouse has a problem? Tackle the problem together. Support him in his struggle, rather than condemn him for it. Find resources to help him. Encourage him. Talk to him about the problem. His chances of succeeding are much greater if you do it together. If you turn against him for his behavior, hold a grudge, or are angry with him, etc., it won’t help him improve.

If you are going to love your spouse, you need to love the whole person, the good and the bad. As mentioned in the section on compatibility, it is okay that you don’t to like your spouse’s flaws, but accepting them and loving them in spite of these flaws is what creates relationship. Trying to change their flaws is not what helps the relationship. If they change so you are more compatibility, then you have more compatibility, but not necessarily a better relationship. When you work together to help your partner overcome a problem or a weakness, this creates relationship.

Being a good parent
If you have kids you are probably trying your best to be a good parent. You send your kids to the best schools, help them with their homework, work hard to save for their college education, take them to the best doctors, plan special birthday parties, drive them to practice, and make their favorite meals. But there is something else you can do that is vitally important: that is to have a great marriage.

It’s hard to be a good parent unless you have a good marriage. That’s because you teach your children how to succeed in relationships by your own example. The point is:

Your children won’t learn about marriage from what you say as much as from what you do.

One of the most important things in your children’s life is to have a successful marriage. They’ll learn it from your marriage.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”

There’s nothing more devastating to a young person than to be the victim of a broken family. If your children don’t see affection between you and your spouse, where will they learn it. But if they witness a good relationship between you and your spouse, you give them one of the greatest gifts you can offer, an example of a great relationship.

To be a good parent you must do everything you can to succeed in your marriage.

When you want to marry
One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. In other words, choosing the right partner can save you from pounds of cure having to go into your marriage. Always be aware that maya may choose someone for you, exactly the wrong person.

The point to understand is:

Just because you like the way a person looks, walks and talks, doesn’t mean you should marry them. Just because you feel good around the person doesn’t mean you they are the right person for you.

And even though he or she is a “good devotee,” it doesn’t necessarily mean you will get along well.

Choosing a spouse needs to be done dispassionately, not passionately. Choosing a life-long partner requires many things other than chemistry. It is best to have a list of the qualities and nature of a person that you believe would make an ideal partner so in the event that you start becoming attracted to someone, you will be more able to objectively determine if this is the right person for you. Statistics tell us that arranged marriages (i.e. arranged with the right person) are not as happy as “love’ marriages in the beginning, but after five years couples in arranged marriages are much happier than those in a love marriage. Why? Because the relationship was based more on compatibility than physical attraction.

So do whatever you can to find the right person. Once you have found them, do pre-marital counseling to both confirm that you found the right person and that your are on the same page regarding your goals, values, and aspirations.

All this work is the “ounce of prevention” that can prevent a serious disease from destroying your marriage. It is a great accomplishment, and a great service to Srila Prabhupada, to stay happily married to one person throughout your life. Do everything before marriage to ensure this will happen.

Addendum

Differences Between Men and Women
Based on talks by Bhakti Vidya Purna Swami

It is about the relationship
Relationships are the reason anyone does anything in their life; and the central point of a relationship is the interaction. We want experience from the relationship, and so we create environments that enable good experiences. But the experience comes from the interaction, not from the environment. For example, a house creates an environment in which relationship can be expressed, but buying a house doesn’t create an experience. Yet, people believe if they have things it will create the experience. But if you don’t interact well, or avoid interaction, you can’t create a good marriage just through external arrangements because we are only satisfied when connected to others.

Whatever you get, good or bad, you get from another person. So you need to learn how to live well with others. Since you are going to live together, you need to figure out how to make it work. Many people don’t understand how to have a good relationship with the opposite sex, and this is why most do not succeed.

Appropriate Behavior
In dealing with the opposite sex, you need to know what is appropriate behavior, and also the appropriate time for that behavior. It is different than dealing with the same sex. The rules are different.

For example, you don’t make noise at midnight because you will wake everyone up. But at another time, earlier in the evening, when people want you there to have fun, making noise might be appropriate So be aware of the environment and what mood is appropriate in each situation. You must know what actions will produce desired results. If you do the wrong process, you get the wrong result. If you fix a tire on your car, you won’t get lunch. You have to make the lunch. So when we don’t get the result we want, don’t blame it on the other person.

It is about them, not about me
The relationship is not about you. It must go out to the other person. If you do this, the other person will reciprocate. Do not expect the other person to come forward first before you respond. This is how God works. He will love you no matter what. This works for God, not for us.

There is such a difference between men and women that it can become difficult to relate. When you put a man and woman together, they feel happy if they like one another. So they think because they are happy, everything will be good forever. But things change, feelings change, and if they don’t know what is happening and how to deal with it, there will be problems.

Male/female differences

Adjust accordingly
Masculine is active, like a hammer. Female is passive, like nails. So there must be a proper interaction between the two to get results. With material things it is easy to understand how you get results; you just hammer the nails in the wood. This is obvious and simple. There is a process to get something done.

Dealing with relationships is different. People may not know how to get things done but not know how to make relationships work well. Replace the potato with a person and it becomes much more complicated. Why? Because people have feelings, and we think they should feel like we feel. But if the relationship is not going well, it means you don’t know how to act. It as your fault.

A man may be good at golf, and if he hits the ball into the bushes he knows it is his fault. But at home he is unaware of his wife’s mood and blames problems on her. Balls don’t have feelings, so it is easy to understand that you made a mistake and hit the ball in the wrong way. But it is different with people. You think they should be this way or that way, but they are not.

So a man has to be aware of a woman’s mood and deal with it accordingly. For example, you change the way you drive when the road is icy. You change to accommodate the situation, even if you wish you didn’t have to do this, in order to get the results you want. I the stock market changes, you adjust your strategy. Similarly, do the same thing with another person when their mood changes.

As long as you know the goal, then you can adjust in order to achieve the goal. If you are not achieving the desired results, change what you are doing. If your spouse don’t respond well, find another way of acting to get the response you want. And if your spouse won’t initiate action, then take the first step.

Men are independent, woman are dependent
Men are independent by nature, and can function well on their own (if they are well trained). But when they deal with women they can’t be independent. They have to deal with women according to the women’s needs, because women are dependent.

Many men don’t know this, or are unwilling to acknowledge this is the way it is. This is what it means to be a man. Otherwise they will stay as big kids, and expect their wife to be like their mom and take care of them. If they are really independent men, they won’t be like this. If not, the wife won’t be happy because he’ll want her to be like his mother ( except he’ll want to have sex with her.) Then the husband becomes like one of the kids in the family because he never learned (or doesn’t want to be) independent.

He many have grown up very self-centered. Men need to learn to please and cooperate with others. If he wasn’t trained like this, it can be difficult for him to take care of a family – and he may not even know how to cooperate with other men.

What makes you a man
Conquering an empire is mechanics. Peacefully living with a woman is more than just mechanics. It takes huge efforts. A good man performs action according to the needs of the woman. What makes you a man is that you perform an action to fulfill the needs of a woman.

The male is the subject and the women the object. The man performs the action according to what the woman wants. That makes him a man. Woman are not satisfied with men who act like a women, thinking only about his needs. If he thinks of her needs then automatically she will think of his needs. Doing this makes a woman feel comfortable and secure in their identity.

It is about feeling
Women need situations which will give rise to the emotions she wants to taste, and these situations should be provided by the men. Situations are the external environment that produces the emotions.

Men like to get things done; women like to experience. If a machine can do the work, a man is happy. But the machine is important for women in that it generates the experience they want from what the machine creates. It is said the man wants to drive fast to get the destination and the woman wants to enjoy the ride and time with the husband.

Women are about aesthetics. If the curtains look good it makes them feel good. But the man is focused on just getting the curtains hung.

Women are about relationships
The woman wants the man to interact with her. She is more relationship oriented than he. But he is often happy just dealing with matter, moving things around or just accomplishing something. But the woman wants it done to generate an experience.

For example, if a man gets a pen from a friend, even if the relationship breaks down, the man will still use the pen. But the women won’t use the pen because it doesn’t generate a positive experience. She might even throw it away.

Women are looking for experience in the process and in the result. Man wants results and they will put up with anything to get the results. The women wants experience during the process.

The man may say the right words, but have the wrong mood, so she gets upsets. He focuses on what is right externally, not on the mood. She is more about the mood.

Women are about variety; men are more consistent. But women want consistent men who have variety. So if a man thinks the woman is boring, it probably means he is boring.

Conquering an empire is mechanics; it is fairly straightforward . Peacefully living with a woman is more complex. This means a good man performs action according to the needs of the woman. What makes him a man is that he performs actions that fulfill the needs of a woman.


Self confidence
A dog is confident when he is with his master. A street dog is not powerful. Similarly, a woman with a good man will be self confident.

Women’s qualities are not all positive from a man’s perspective. But he has to go along with the perceived negatives. A man should never be angry or chastise a woman when she is upset or in difficulty. When she is angry he should take a humble position.

What is feminine
Feminine is, “I am the controller and whatever I feel is fine.” When a man acts this way, he is being feminine. Masculine is to go along with the mood of the woman. Unless you are submissive to women, they won’t be submissive to you. Unless you respect them, they won’t respect you.

A dog is confident when he is with his master. A street dog is not powerful. Similarly, a woman with a good man will be self confident; without a good man, she won’t be powerful.

Man must go along. 
Women’s qualities are not all positive from a man’s perspective. But he has to go along with the perceived negative. A man should never be angry or chastise a woman when she is upset or in difficulty. When she is angry, he should take a humble position.

Women act differently in the same situations on different days. So a man must deal with this. He must “give in.” When a man “gives in” it means he cares. This makes a woman confident and thus she can perform her duties nicely. A man can generally do this more easily than a woman.

Women Is Always Right
The women’s ego is such that it is usually more difficult for them to admit they are wrong than it is for a man. So men need to be sensitive to this.

Spoil Them
Women want to be spoiled. This shows them that you care for them. Then they will feel secure and will be at their best. In other words, men should adjust around women’s mood and nature.

What is Masculine
Masculine means to deal properly with a woman, even when you feel they are unreasonable. Give them shelter when they are unreasonable and crazy. Don’t become upset with them.

Keep Woman Happy
If the woman is happy, the house if bright. If the woman is unhappy, the house is dark. Don’t do things that bother her.

The Man is In Charge
An expert wife is one who will make the man feel in charge. In charge for the man means to do all of the above.

Don’t Listen of Other Men
Don’t listen to other men about how they deal with their wives and try to apply it exactly to your wife. You can evaluate the principle, and if it makes sense understand that the details may not work for your wife the way it worked for his wife.

Women are More Clever
Women have more practical intelligence than men, but less theoretical intelligence. They are clever in getting things done. They manipulate material energy four times better than men. Women appreciate nice things six times more than men; they appreciate food, clothes, home, etc. six times more than men.

Woman’s Nature
Woman’s nature is not a fault; it is just what it is. A lemon is sour. It is not a fault; it is just the way it is. So to use it to make it work with food you have to know how to do it.

Use the Thorn to Take Out the Thorn
You use family life to take out the attachment to family life.

Women are Dependent 
Women are dependent on things for their satisfaction. They need the proper environment, actions etc. or they won’t be happy. The man can be satisfied without the proper environment. This is uniqueness of these two natures.

Real Men Should be Considerate
Women just want men who are considerate. If there is a program, make sure the women get the ride home and if there isn’t room for all the men, let them walk of take the bus.

Don’t Use Who You Are in Relationships
You may be the prime minister, but you need to deal with others how they see you. So you deal with your mother as mother, wife as wife, etc, not as prime minister.

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17214

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By: Acarya Dasa (Assisted by Jayabhadra Dasi)

Most of the population of the world is so engrossed in material advancement that they falsely believe that by making material progress they can remain happy. The Lord has given us Hisgeet[1] in the form of Bhagavad-gita –and the more degraded society becomes the more important it is to spread this message of God to those who are suffering. One of the most significant methods to spread the glories of God is through printing and distributing books about God.

Srila Prabhupada said that, “Our first business is this book distribution[2]”. Therefore, there is no need of any other business. He went on to say, “If this book distribution is managed properly, pushed on with great enthusiasm and determination and at the same time if our men keep spiritually strong, then the whole world will become Krishna conscious.”[3] It is on the basis of these books that preaching is being conducted, new bhaktas are joining and congregational members are engaged –from these books a whole picture of Vedic society arises, serving as a blue print for future generations to come.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada! It is by his mercy and inspiration that we, padayatris, are walking through the streets of villages and towns distributing books. Whenever someone gives us a donation we use this as an opportunity to give them a book as a gift. If we come across anyone who is really interested in reading a book we ask them for a minimum donation of 10 rupees and then give them the book as a gift. This is part of what we do in order to spread the Lord’s mercy. We also make sure as part of our daily program to never be walking empty handed, all the padayatris always have books in their hands for distribution. The last thing we want is for language to bar people from knowing about the Lord –and so our party is always aware of the language of the States in which we are travelling in so that we can stock up on books written in the local tongue. For example, in October we were traveling in Andhra Pradesh were the spoken language is Telegu so we made sure to carry books written in Telegu to distribute. Every month our team’s book scores go well above 1000 and we have devotees who distribute entire Bhagavatam sets to members of the congregation and they are managing to distribute more and more each time.   We distribute all of Srila Prabhupada’s small books,Bhagavad-Gita, Ramayan, Bhagavatam sets, Back To Godhead magazines and more. During book marathons and Holy Name Week we work even harder to distribute books and do our best to double our scores. There are often times when we are faced with opposition from those who are against book distribution, but by the mercy of Nitai Gaurasundar all obstacles are removed and our enthusiasm is increased.

Our padayatra party travels to every nook and corner of India, to the most remote and inaccessible places in order to spread the mercy of Srila Prabhupada. In this way we the devotees of padayatra distribute the books of Srila Prabhupada so that somehow or other people can get the real message of God and find a permanent solution to the problems of life.

Source:http://www.padayatra.com/books-are-still-the-basis-on-padayatra-india/#_ftnref1

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Fifty padayatras – traditionally a journey on foot accompanied by kirtan and spiritual book distribution – are being offered by the Padayatra Worldwide Ministry to Srila Prabhupada in celebration of ISKCON’s 50th anniversary.

The offerings began on Gaura Purnima (March 16th) 2014, and will continue through to the end of 2016.

So far, twenty-three padayatras have already been done, eight more have been planned, and the Ministry is looking for volunteers to organize nineteen more.

Of the padayatras that have been already offered, two are continuous journeys that last year round.

Padayatra India has been on the road since 1984, when it was launched as an offering for Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s 500th birthday. It is currently led by Acharya Das, and consists of a team of about twenty brahmacharis and a bullock cart with four oxen.

“They walk no matter what, rain or shine,” says Padayatra Worldwide Coordinator Gaurangi Dasi. “Their main focus is book distribution, but they also go to festivals and visit schools, teaching the kids to chant.”

A second continuous Padayatra team, in Andhra Pradesh, India, was introduced in 2012. Featuring its own pair of oxen, it is led by Vishnuswami Das and a smaller, but no less enthusiastic, group of devotees.

Padayatra in Slovenia

Meanwhile, ten of the padayatras already offered in 2014 and 2015 for ISKCON’s 50th are annual fixtures. There’s one in Odisha, India, organized by ISKCON Bhubaneshwar every year since 1992.

There are annual walks to the pilgrimage spot of Pandharpur from Solapur, Aravade and Dehu, ranging from four days and 70 kilometers to 18 days and 250 kilometers.

In Slovenia, devotees visit towns along their coastlines every summer. This year, a crew of around thirty including Prahladananda Swami took an 18-day trip in July, pulling their deities of Sri Sri Gaura Nataraj on a small cart. Traveling 47 kilometers from the Italian to Croatian borders, they met tourists from many different countries, distributed books and held Harinamas.

In Czech Republic this year, devotees visited villages and small towns throughout the country. With a fifty per cent increase of attendance over last year, they held evening programs and distributed over 2,000 books, 1,000 plates of prasadam and 970 prasadam packages. They also handed out surveys to program attendees and took their contact details.

In Lithuania, devotees including Niranjana Swami and Bhakti Chaitanya Swami visited four major cities and a popular resort town. “Rather than the usual bullock cart, in Lithuania they have a Ratha Yatra cart,” says Gaurangi, “So they held Ratha Yatra festivals in all the places they visited.”

Other padayatras took place in Mauritius for World Holy Name Week, in South Africa visiting poor neighborhoods near Durban, and in Guyana.

Still more padayatras done in 2014 and 2015 were one-off events.

In India, there were walks in Tamil Nadu and Gujarat, while devotees took a 64-day trek from Kolhapur to Nasik in honor of the 500th anniversary of Lord Chaitanya’s travels through Maharashtra.

Lithuanina

In New Zealand, Yasodadulal Das embarked alone on a one-year padayatra from Christchurch in the center of the country down to Bluff at the Southern tip, and then all the way up to Cape Reinga on the Northern tip. He began in July 2015, traveling with his horse and cart and Gaura Nitai Deities, and will end in July 2016, the 50th anniversary of ISKCON’s incorporation.

Devarshi Das also did a solo padayatra from Angers to New Mayapur in France in July 2015; while in Russia 50 devotees walked from Rostov-on-don to Anapa, visiting six cities along the way and holding public festivals, kirtan melas, and home programs.

From September 20th to November 10th this year, Bhaktimarga Swami walked 907 miles from Boston Pier to Butler, Pennsylvania, and then on to New York City. His route retraced Srila Prabhupada’s journey when he first arrived in the US, and included an event at the old YMCA in Butler where Prabhupada stayed, and a kirtan in Tompkins Square Park, where the first Harinama party in the Western World was held. 

In spring 2016, Bhaktimarga Swami will embark on an even more epic trek from New York to San Francisco, following the path ISKCON took when it first spread out from the East Coast to the West Coast of the US. The walk will last six months and will include a visit to Golden Gate Park’s Hippie Hill, where Srila Prabhupada famously led kirtan with the devotees. 

Other padayatras planned in 2016 include walks in Tirupati, India, the La Reunion island in the Indian Ocean, Ghana in Africa, and Port Elizabeth in South Africa.

Gaurangi Dasi herself will organize one in France, and longtime padayatri Parasurama Das is planning one in England. Another one to look out for will be a padayatra in Spain, organized by Chandrabhaga Dasi and her husband Avadhuta Siromani, who walked all the way from Gita Nagari in the US to Ecuador in South America back in 2003.

Despite all these, nineteen more padayatras still need to be planned and carried out by the end of 2016 to reach the goal of 50 for ISKCON’s 50th.

“I’ll be promoting the effort with a booth at the ISKCON Leadership Sanga in Mayapur this coming January,” says Gaurangi. She encourages individual devotees to take the initiative and plan their own.

“You can do any kind – transcontinental, local, one year, one week, one day, whatever you want,” she says. “You don’t have to go far – you can just go around your neighborhood. You don’t need a bullock cart – you can just use a small palanquin for your deities. Many devotees do Harinamas on Saturdays – you could just extend yours by starting on Friday and going until Sunday evening.”

Devotees are also encouraged to “50th-ize” their padayatras, by using banners, fliers and media messages provided by the International 50th Anniversary Team; screening the films Acharya and Joy of Devotion about Srila Prabhupada and ISKCON (which will both be released next year); and increasing book distribution and prasadam distribution.

“It’s a great opportunity for devotees to unite and reunite, meet the general public, and have fun in spiritual life!” Gaurangi concludes.

To find out more, and to submit news about your padayatra, please contact worldwide coordinator Gaurangi Dasi at gaurangi.lok@gmail.com.

For resources on promoting ISKCON 50, please visit http://iskcon50.org/downloads/ or contact ISKCON 50’s International Coordinator Romapada Das at romapada@iskcon50.org.

Source:http://iskconnews.org/50-padayatras-offered-worldwide-for-iskcons-50th,5258/

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How Your Beliefs Affect Your Commitments

By Mahatma Das

In this article I focus on how our degree of commitment to our vows and promises is affected by what we believe is possible for us. I also look at how beliefs affect us in general. Some of our beliefs give us strength and some make it difficult or impossible to achieve our goals. And many of these beliefs are transparent, i.e. you don’t even know you have them.

It’s important to uncover your beliefs so you can see if they are empowering you or holding you down. If they are not helping you, it’s possible to change them into beliefs that support your goals. Sound intriguing? It is.

The Soul is Made of Faith

In this article I use the word belief as “a feeling of certainty about what something means.” I discuss how this feeling of certainty affects the way you look at things, and the way you look at things affects your actions. Therefore, in this sense things are less the way they are and more the way we are.

Belief is fundamental to consciousness. In Chapter 17 verse 3 of the Gita, Krsna says the atma is made of faith. If someone doesn’t believe that the atma is made of faith, it just means they have faith (they believe) that the atma is not made of faith. Since that is also a belief, it proves that the atma is made of faith.

What Do You Believe?

If you ever find it difficult to keep your vows and promises or commit to something new, it’s possible you have beliefs that are preventing you from being more committed. If you believe something is difficult to do or if you believe something is possible to achieve, you are usually right, not necessarily because that’s true, but because of the way you think about it (or the way you think about yourself).

You may ask, “What if I believe I can be the president of the USA? Just because I believe it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.” That’s true. That might be totally unrealistic for you (in which case you probably wouldn’t even try for it). But the point is that if you believe you can do greater things than you are doing now, you will start working towards greater things. Prabhupada said if you try for first class, you’ll get second class; and if you try for second class you’ll get last class.

And why would you try for second class unless you believe that’s all you can get or that’s all you deserve?

Isn’t it true that your belief in what you can do, including how much you believe Krsna can work through you, is so powerful that it sets a governor on your activities? For example, if an athlete thinks, “I could never make it to the Olympics,” it’s unlikely he or she will even try for it unless someone with faith in their ability pushes them. Similarly, unless someone really pushes us, we normally only attempt to achieve a level of success that fits the image of how successful we believe we can be (which again, includes how much you think Krsna can do through you). Altering your beliefs about what is possible for you will have a major effect on both what you attempt and what you achieve.

What’s Your Script?

Beliefs are like internal scripts that talk to us. If you are wondering why you are having difficulty following a vow you made, you might have a script that says “I can’t follow this principle, it’s too difficult to follow that principle, I am not strong enough to follow, it won’t make me happy to follow it, it’s not possible for a young person (old person, fat person, skinny person, white person) to follow.”

If you see something continually playing out in your life, it’s likely you have a belief that’s affecting that. If you have continual difficulties in marriage (or if you can’t seem to get married), it might be because of beliefs you have about the opposite sex or marriage. If you find you don’t have enough money or can’t seem to keep money when you get it, it’s likely your beliefs about money are causing this.

Have you ever entertained beliefs like, “it’s not possible for me to be really Krsna conscious in this life,” “I could never be like such and such Prabhu,” etc? If so, these beliefs are affecting how high you set your goals in devotional service.

What are You Asking?

An easy way to understand some of your beliefs is to look at the questions you ask. If you are asking, “How can I become fully Krsna conscious in this life?” it means you believe you can do it. If you are asking, “How can I distribute 100 big books in a day?” it means you believe it’s somehow possible. If you are asking, “How can I follow the principles of sadhana bhakti and chant x number or rounds?” it means you believe you can do it.

And look at your excuses. Your beliefs often remain hidden behind excuses like, I couldn’t do that because………”

Psyche Yourself Out

Prabhupada tells the following story of the man whose friends decide to bewilder him. “So there was a circle of friends. So all the friends conspired to make another friend bewildered. So they conspired that “As soon as you meet that gentleman you cry, ‘Oh, here is a ghost! Here is a ghost! Here is a ghost!’ “So all the friends, they come, “Oh! You are dead, you are ghost, you are ghost!” So after ten times like that, he thought, “Have I become a ghost?” Then he became bewildered, “Whether really I have become ghost, I am dead?”

What if a group of us decided to do a similar trick on one healthy devotee? Let’s say we decide that whenever we see this devotee we will say, “Prabhu, are you feeling ok? You don’t look well. Are you sick? You look really tired. It looks like something is seriously wrong with you. You should definitely go to the doctor. I’m worried about you.”

How do you think she is going to feel? She’s probably going to start feeling tired and weak. And she’ll probably be really worried about her health and think that something is seriously wrong with her. And she might even get really sick, all from believing that she is sick.

So it’s obvious what negative beliefs can do to us. You might have all kinds of negative beliefs that are affecting your devotional service, beliefs that are saying you are not good enough, strong enough, smart, enough, qualified enough, etc. to be a good devotee, to practice good sadhana, to follow vows.

So it’s of utmost importance that you explore what negative beliefs you might have about becoming advanced in Krsna consciousness. I want you to make a list of your negative beliefs. Before you start I’ll give you a few more ideas to help you with this exercise.

1) I committed so many sinful activities in my past that it’s sooooooooooooo difficult to be very Krsna conscious now.
2) My bad upbringing is preventing me from being very Krsna conscious now.
3) Although I keep trying, I don’t make any advancement.
4) I don’t have a strong spiritual inclination.
5) My material desires and attachments are especially bad. Other devotees are not as bad off as me (you’d be surprised how many devotees think like this).
6) I could never be a spiritually advanced person.
7) I don’t deserve it.
8) It’s not possible to balance my material and spiritual life
9) I have some heavy karma
10) I can’t be Krsna conscious if I am married.

All these and other similar beliefs hold you back from making a greater effort to be Krsna conscious?

So make your list. It is important to uncover these beliefs because you need to acknowledge anything that may be making it difficult for you to go forward.

Once you’ve made your list, please repeat the following mantra over and over as loud as you can:

“This list is killing me.”

Let me show you why it’s killing you. How would you feel if everyone you met told you what’s on that list? Not too good, right? Well, your beliefs speak to you 24/7. So to be Krsna conscious we need beliefs that foster our spiritual lives rather than undermine them. Having this list resonating inside of you is like attempting to climb to the top of a mountain while chanting the mantra, “I’ll never reach the top of this mountain.”

But what if we turned this list around? How would you feel if everyone you met told you that you are a spiritual person, an insightful person, someone with potential to make spiritual advancement, a person who is different from the masses? Wouldn’t that have a positive effect on you? And to be a devotee, you obviously have those qualities – and probably a lot more. So let’s look at your qualifications.

Contemplate what advantages you have that aid you in becoming Krsna conscious. Maybe it’s your natural attraction to God and spiritual activities, you natural attraction to devotees, your natural faith in the importance of spiritual life. It could be that you are a seeker of truth, one who lives for truth and understanding. Perhaps you have a strong desire to see others become Krsna conscious. Maybe you have always felt close to God and trusted Him. Could it be that you have natural qualities that make it easier to be Krsna conscious, qualities like determination, enthusiasm, patience, humility, gentleness, etc? Or perhaps you have a natural service attitude, which is, of course, a great asset for spiritual advancement.

Maybe you’ve seen the ugliness of material life and fully believe that real happiness doesn’t exist in this material world. Have you ever tasted the nectar of Krsna consciousness in such a way that you believe that it’s the only thing that can make you really happy? Do you have faith that the holy name can bring you to Krsna’s lotus feet if chanted properly? Whatever it is, make a note of it and write it down.

The point is that you have a choice of what to believe about yourself and how the process of bhakti works in your life. If you believe you can become Krsna conscious in this life (Prabhupada believed you could), it will give you more energy, enthusiasm and determination to advance. If you believe it’s going to be a problem for you to commit, a problem to make much advancement, a problem to overcome your anarthas, a problem to increase your service in bigger and novel ways, a problem to have a good marriage, a problem to ……………, isn’t it obvious it will have a negative effect on you?

Maybe you feel that’s too simple an explanation for where you are at in Krsna consciousness. Maybe you are thinking it’s not right to say that I am not as advanced as I could be simply because I don’t believe I can be that advanced. I have my past lives of conditioning – whatever bhakti I may have performed, my samskaras, my past pious and sinful acts – and they are all affecting me.

OK. But you don’t even know exactly what those past activities were. If you believe you can’t be that Krsna conscious because you were very sinful in your past life, the story of the deliverance of Jagai and Madhai proves you wrong. They got the gold medal for sin. They were way more sinful than you ever were or ever could be. In any case, if you believe you are especially (or uniquely) fallen and sinful, wouldn’t it be wiser to adopt an empowering belief like, “I need to try harder than the other devotees?”

The point is to look at your beliefs and ask, “Is this belief helping me or hurting me?” If it isn’t helping, why not change it or get rid of it? Negative beliefs limit what you believe is possible for you in Krsna consciousness (and also in everything you do). And the reality is that sooner or later you will get what you expect.

Usually the people who keep failing are the ones who expect to.

A mind saturated with fear of failure or images of unwanted results, can no more accomplish anything great than a stone can violate the law of gravity by flying upwards. Krsna does not alter the law of gravity to accommodate a person who walks off the roof of a house. Similarly, you will achieve what you work towards, focus on, desire, and believe you can achieve. Great devotees have great hope. They know Krsna will fulfill their hopes and dreams for pure devotional service.

Changing Your Beliefs
Let’s look at the beliefs that are hurting you and see how you can change them into beliefs that will help you. In this way you can start getting 24/7 encouragement from yourself for your commitment to Krsna consciousness (if you ever feel a strong need for or dependence on encouragement from your guru or others, it’s could be because your own beliefs are discouraging you).

As referred to above, maybe you think you can’t be very Krsna conscious because you did many horrible sinful things before you were a devotee. That belief could easily be changed into a belief that the holy name is so powerful that it can purify persons who are more sinful than you (the sastra is full of such references). Plus, Lord Caitanya is especially merciful to the fallen. Isn’t it interesting how we can somehow end up having a belief that we aren’t capable of making a lot of spiritual advancement even though we are inherently Krsna conscious and Krsna is ready, willing and able to help us in all ways? Just the fact that we are (always have and always will be) spirit souls, and that we contacted Lord Caitanya, makes us pre-qualified to become Krsna conscious (congratulations, you are pre-approved to become fully Krsna conscious!). If you have even one negative belief about something as positive as Lord Caitanya’s mercy, that belief needs to be changed.

Here’s another common belief: “It’s difficult to control the mind?” Yes, it’s difficult, but not for those who are Krsna conscious. We have the maha-mantra which is the ultimate process for controlling the mind. Therefore shouldn’t we really have the belief that it’s not difficult to control the mind for one who daily chants the maha-mantra sincerely?

Caught In Your Own Web
Of course, if you don’t chant much or don’t chant well, it will be natural to develop a negative belief about controlling the mind. Krsna says in the Gita that the modes of nature you cultivate dictate the kind of faith you develop. For example, if you live predominately in passion and ignorance, you will believe Krsna consciousness is difficult to follow (I can’t control my mind, I can’t control my desires, etc). And believing that it’s difficult reinforces the difficulty you have following Krsna consciousness. So if you don’t practice good sadhana and cultivate more activities in goodness, your beliefs remain tinted by passion and ignorance (things are not the way they are, they are the way you are). In this way you get caught in your own web. The point is that beliefs will also change when actions change. For example, if someone stops eating meat for a short time it’s likely their belief that some animals are meant for food will change.

There’s No Time to Chant My Rounds
Let’s look at a popular belief, the belief that there’s not enough time in my day to chant my rounds. If you have this belief, it makes it more difficult for you to find time to chant your rounds. And when you do chant all your rounds, this belief will often cause you to get them done as quickly as possible (“it’s time to play ‘beat the clock japa’). Am I saying that more time will manifest if you believe there is enough time? Not exactly. I am saying that the time to chant japa will manifest because you’ll make the time for japa (and you’ll do this by choosing not to do the things that take away time from your japa). If you still think that there just isn’t time to chant, let me ask you if you have you on any regular basis not found the time to eat. If not, it means you don’t believe there’s not enough time to eat. (“Oh, but I have to eat.” Yes, but you could live 40 days on water).

I Can Never Be Fully Krsna Conscious
What else do you believe about being Krsna conscious? How about, “I am not planning to become fully Krsna conscious is this life.” So what are you planning? Are you planning to be 44/100ths Krsna conscious in this life because that’s all you believe you can get? Well, if you plan for 44/100ths Krsna consciousness in this life, I bet you’ll only be trying to be 44/100ths Krsna conscious in your devotional practices. I don’t imagine that you’d be calling out to Krsna and practicing sadhana with the same intensity as if you were trying for 100% Krsna conscious. The more Krsna consciousness you plan for (the more you believe you can get), the more your life adjusts to that plan.

Why not do an experiment and just for this week raise the bar and plan to be really Krsna consciousness (rising earlier, getting your rounds done earlier, reading a lot, no TV, no internet surfing, more service, etc.).

“Oh I could never do that.”

Oh, there you go again with those beliefs. Let me ask you, “Is it absolutely true that you really couldn’t be a lot more Krsna conscious this week?

Cause and Effect
Let’s look at the effect of this and other disempowering beliefs. One way to fully understand their effect is to imagine what it would be like to repeat them over and over again. Obviously it would be stupid to repeat over and over again, “I could never be a lot more Krsna conscious this week.” And wouldn’t that be an especially dumb thing to say before you chant japa or in between each round? How about repeating it when you arrive at work? What about when you get home? And let’s try that mantra ten times before going to bed and ten more times when you wake up.

Sound like a good idea? Sounds like the worst idea I’ve ever heard. But our beliefs operate exactly like this. They continually replay themselves on our sub-conscious. So if you actually believe you can’t be more Krsna consciousness this week, that song will be playing for you all week (or maybe it’s been already playing for a long time), and then that’s what you’ll get (or should I say that’s what you won’t get).

Of course, no one in their right mind wants disempowering thoughts to be repeated? The good news is that if we change disempowering beliefs into empowering beliefs, they’ll always be there helping us, feeding us encouraging and positive thoughts.

Change Your Beliefs
So go back to your list of disempowering beliefs and see how you can turn them into empowering beliefs. If needed, use the list of positive traits and beliefs you have to help you. Every negative belief you change into an empowering belief will have a dramatically positive effect on your life. I can’t over emphasize the power of this one little exercise.

And if you don’t have time to do these exercises now, I beg at the dust of your lotus feet to make the time to do them later. Yes, it might be difficult to face those beliefs, and that might be why you don’t want to do this. But those beliefs might be exactly what are getting in the way of achieving your goals. So to use a famous Iskcon expression, “Just surrender Prabhu.”

Lack of Belief in Oneself
So where do these negative beliefs come from? Some of them come from a lack of belief in yourself – and we should also add, “a lack of belief in your Self.” Krsna can work through you to do what you now think is impossible for you. To encourage us, the scriptures are full of stories of fallen people who became great devotees and accomplished great things. Still, the problem is that we set our goals based on our beliefs about what is possible for us, not what is possible through us.

“A man is not defeated by his opponents but by himself.”

Ok, we are all fallen and we have our faults. The problem is thinking that’s what’s holding you back from being more Krsna conscious or achieving success in your endeavors. Believe you can do more than what you think is possible for you and you will start to do more.

“Try for things I think are impossible? That sounds totally impractical.” At first it does, but the more you think about this the more you will see the power in it. Most people are not where they want to be in their lives – and they never will be. Why? Because they don’t think they can get there (they’ll say the reason is because they don’t know how, but that’s not the real reason). When you start to plan for things far greater than what you think are possible, something magical happens. You start to ask empowering questions, and these questions force you to come up with ideas how to achieve those “impossible” dreams.You begin to think and act in new and empowering ways.

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim too high and we miss it, but we aim too low and we reach it.” Michelangelo

Look at what you are aiming for. If it’s all in your comfort zone you are aiming too low.

It’s About Attitude
Krsna responds to our attitude. If our attitude is to see all the reasons we can’t follow, Krsna will help us see all kinds of “good” reasons. But no one ever becomes successful meditating on all the reasons they can’t be successful. They became successful by meditating on how to be successful – and then acting on those ideas.

So if you think you can be more Krsna conscious, more committed and can do bigger and better service – or if you think you can’t – you will fortunately or unfortunately find out you are right.

This article was based on a section of an upcoming online course on “Sacred Vows.” More information about the course is available at:
www.bhagavatlife.com

If you who have the belief that you can’t be Krsna conscious at work, read the Illuminations newsletter, “Transforming Your Workplace into the Spiritual World.”
To access this newsletter, to read other newsletters, or to sign up to receive my monthly newsletter in your inbox, go to www.tstrain.com

Source:http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17510

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Bhakti Without Borders, a charity kirtan album featuring mostly second generation ISKCON singers, has been nominated for a Grammy – the biggest music recognition award in the United States.

The album has been nominated in the Best New Age Album category, along with four other artists. 

It’s only the third time a kirtan album has ever been nominated, following Jai Uttal’s “Mondo Rama” in 2004, and Krishna Das’ “Live Ananda” in 2013 (neither won).

However it’s the first time an album entirely in the Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition, featuring only traditional Sanskrit or Bengali bhajans, has been nominated. Songs include Radhe Jai Jai Madhava Dayite, Namo Maha Vadanyaya, Bhaja Govindam and Jagannathastakam.

It’s also the first time an ISKCON devotee has been nominated. Havi Das won a Latin Grammy in 2010, but the prize was for a Venezuelan folk music album, and the Latin Grammys are a completely separate awards to the U.S. version.

Bhakti Without Borders is also unique in that 100% of its profits go towards helping underprivileged girls in Lord Krishna’s hometown of Vrindavana, India.

 “I couldn’t believe it when I woke up to a text saying we had been nominated,” says Madi Das, who came up with the idea for the album and sings on it with eleven Vaishnavi co-vocalists. “I thought I was being pranked! I had to go check for myself.”

The singers (From top left to bottom right): Carmella Gitanjali Baynie, Chaytanya, Acyuta Gopi, Nalina Kaufman, Jahnavi Harrison, Gaura Mani, Gaurangi, Tulsi Devi, Madi Das, Sudevi, Mallika Des Fours, and Ananda-Amrita.

Madi and most of his co-singers -- Gaurangi, Achyuta Gopi, Jahnavi Harrison, Gaura Mani, Chaytanya, Sudevi, Mallika, Ananda-Amrita, Nalina Kaufman and Tulsi Devi – all grew up chanting bhajans in ISKCON temples with their gurukuli friends (The eleventh artist, Carmella Gitanjali Baynie, is a prominent chanter in the broader kirtan community).

In addition, the record label cited in the nominations list on Grammy.com and Billboard.com is Kuli Mela, a non-profit organization that connects a global community of second generation devotees by holding events and supporting worthy projects.

“This all started as a grassroots crowdfunding campaign, and now it’s become an actual legitimate presence,” says Madi. “I mean, we’re in Billboard magazine with Taylor Swift and Kendrick Lamar. That’s crazy.”

Madi is very emphatic that the success belongs to the team, the family behind Bhakti Without Borders. He says he feels “a bit sheepish” to be the only one named on the ballot -- he tried to include all his co-singers, but was thwarted by the Grammy rule that the named artist had to be featured on at least 51% of the album.

“I very much want to impress that there have been so many parts of the team behind us from the start,” he explains. “From our friends and family, and even people we don’t know, putting in their money to make it happen, to the actual individual artists who donated their time for free, to the various team members that did the graphic design, website, videos, and other back-end support.”

Brijbasi girls at Sandipani Muni School, who benefit from 100 per cent of the profits from Bhakti Without Borders

Now, it’s a waiting game until the Grammy Awards on February 15th, 2016 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles to find out if Bhakti Without Borders wins.

 But Madi already feels like he’s won. “Obviously we’re a long shot, but nobody can ever take away that Bhakti Without Borders is now a Grammy nominated album,” he says. “And more importantly, the nomination will give us a second wind in album sales, from which all the profits of course go to the Sandipani Muni School for Girls in Vrindavana.”

This service is what the album, and any Grammy win or nomination, is all about for Madi.

“You always have to remember that you’re simply an amplifer for a divine music coming through you,” he says. “And that you aren’t the source of that beauty, you are just a servant.”

So far, sales of Bhakti Without Borders have raised fifty per cent of the funds raised to make the album by the initial crowdfunding campaign. That’s enough to provide 17 young Brijabasi girls with education, food, clothing, books, and medical care for one year.

“My goal is to match 100% of the money we put into the album, and hopefully beyond,” says Madi. “So please go out and buy it for Christmas, give it to your friends, and please don’t pirate it! This is a gift that gives not only to the listener, but also does service for Brijabasi girls in Vrindavana. So I really do encourage everybody to join in the cause and help us make this seva take off as much as possible.” 

To purchase Bhakti Without Borders, visit http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kirtanshakti

Or https://kirtanshakti.bandcamp.com/album/bhakti-without-borders

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