Summer vacation is universally considered to be the much-awaited spell of freedom, joy and ecstacy that is cherished by children and adults alike. It is a refreshing interlude from the hectic chaotic schedules. Last night, being one of those buoyant days, my best friend plans to visit my abode alongwith her five year old baby-cousin. This morning, while I was chanting my rounds, our little angel came running all the way from the hallway, up the stairs, straight into our Puja-room. She climbs onto my lap and in her virtuous effervescent innocence enquires, “Didi, when I grow up into a beautiful girl like you, will I have a perfect marriage?”. This sudden unexpected quest transported me to an altogether different realm igniting a chain of palpable contemplations.
In Vedic scriptures, the institution of marriage is referred to as an ‘ashram’ or a sacred place of purification because it gives birth to, nourishes, sustains and preserves all the four phases of life: ’brahmacharya’ (student), ‘grihasta’ (householder), ‘vanaprastha’ (retired) and ‘sannyasa’ (renounced). By serving other ashramas, the grihastha ashrama flowers, prospers and becomes nourished in the spiritual culture of Vedic civilization. It is through the grihastha ashrama that the Vedic and spiritual culture is best manifested in the society.
The purpose of marriage is to provide an opportunity for both the spouses and all the members in the family to decorously support one another to peacefully practice and advance spiritually. It is a holy establishment of chastity and integrity. Marriage provides a perfect opportunity for this, as it involves rising above one's own personal attachments, issues and serving the other members of the family with devotion and detachment. Thus, marriage, if properly approached, is an amazing opportunity offered to the conditioned soul to shed its false ego, become more advanced spiritually and cultivate devotional qualities like patience, determination, chastity, faith etc. The key to making this happen is a strong relationship of service and inquiry with a bonafide spiritual master, as well as those who closely guide one's spiritual life.
There is a higher principle on which the foundation of marriage rests - the principle of God, the principle of our vows before the Lord to help each other to become pure, to become enlightened within our lives. That higher principle is the reason why traditionally, marriages of all different cultures involve taking vows at a spiritual place – so that the union is consecrated as a partnership in the service of the Divine. Diamond, the queen of all jewels is nothing but a piece of coal that’s been under pressure for millions of years. Gold, the king of metals, is purified when it is put in fire. This is mother nature speaking to us. This is wisdom – that by faithfully passing through the good times and the bad times – the easy times and the hard with each other, and for each other, for this higher value – then marriage has the potential to make us spiritually perfect. It will do that if we just understand the yoga of marriage.
From a spiritual perspective one should believe that their partner is more than just my husband or my wife. A husband should feel towards his wife that she is the daughter of God – she is God’s most beloved daughter who has been entrusted in my care. How you treat her is how God will receive you. How you speak to her, how you act towards her, how you protect her, are all predominant. Protection is considered to be on three levels – physical, emotional and spiritual. By giving that protection, by forgiving each other, by honouring your spouse as God’s property, God’s gift, is how you will make spiritual progress. Similarly, a wife should feel that her partner is not just her husband but he is God’s beloved child entrusted in her care to protect, to be faithful to and to encourage. If you see each other in this light, marriage really is yoga. Your relationship will be divine – complete yoga and you will make great spiritual progress.
These material bodies are just dresses for the soul. Our identity, based on the body and mind is temporary and illusory. Our real identities are loving servants of God and His devotees, and whatever we are doing here in the material world is practice for our eternal life in the spiritual world, where we will serve God and His devotees in ecstatic love. If a high school student is doing college-level work, he can be promoted to college. So if we are in the material world but are engaged in the activities of the spiritual world, we can be promoted to the spiritual world. The basic activity of the spiritual world, which includes chanting the holy names and glories of the Lord, is to render loving service to HIm and His servants. And the grihastha ashrama is a quintessential establishment for practicing loving service, which can qualify us for eternal loving service in the spiritual world.
Marriage should be something very dynamic, very flowing and very real. It must be connected to the Divine, so that the struggles or obstacles that may transpire are spiritual trials that we have to meet together and every time we overcome those challenges, we come to a higher spiritual platform. By following marriage in this way it becomes a path of perfection.
So yes! my little angel, there is something called:
The Perfect Marriage –
It is like the Sunshine,
Which by the Grace of the Divine,
Can Blow Away the Bubbles of Sorrow,
And Enliven the Spirits like There is No Tomorrow
