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The Test

November, 1982

“Hare Krishna. What do you make of this?”

Ramanand Prabhu, President of the revered Radhika-Krishna Temple, Vrindavan, pushed the letter across the table towards Laxmi Dasi.

The young devotee read the letter carefully and looked up in surprise. “I-I don’t

understand Prabhuji…”

“Nor do I,” said Ramanand Prabhu and shook his head wearily. He had recently taken up the post of the Temple President and was already beginning to feel the pressure of the responsibilities that went with it. In particular, the problems plaguing the ‘Gopala- Ananda’ project, his own brainchild.

Gopala-Ananda was an ambitious endeavour to provide a nutritious meal three times a day, to every impoverished child under twelve in the entire district. The human resources were in place, but they were running desperately short of funds. Some of the major donors had suddenly backed out at the last minute, leaving the project in a lurch. Ramanand Prabhu had been praying fervently to Lord Krishna for a way out, but no help seemed forthcoming, material or divine.

And now this.

He had just received a letter out of the blue from India’s topmost movie actress informing him about her keen desire to give up everything and join the Temple as a full-time residential devotee-sevak.

Such a person was expected to reside in humble living quarters, eat humble meals and actively participate in spiritual practice, Temple service activities and social work. This required utmost humility, dedication and an attitude of service to God.

Ramanand Prabhu was well acquainted with the eccentricities of celebrities. There were of course, many of them who were genuinely interested in spirituality and God, and would fulfil the requirements of a devotee-sevak. But there were also those who considered it fashionable to be associated with a prominent spiritual organisation— the label of ‘spiritual’ made them feel one-up on their peers. Worse, such pseudo- devotees often indulged in questionable activities and proved to be a public embarrassment and liability to their parent spiritual organisation.

And it was extremely difficult to make out who was what in the initial stages.

He steepled his fingers and said, “I believe this Sonal Mataji had stayed here a year ago, before my coming here. And I’m told she spent long hours with you…” he noticed her worried face and smiled reassuringly, “it’s all right, you haven’t done anything wrong. I just want to know more about her.”

Laxmi Dasi heaved a sigh of relief. “Yes, she had stayed at our guest house last November and December. To tell you the truth, I was bit surprised because she is supposed to be a wealthy, self-indulgent society girl. A regular feature at page three events and other celebrity functions. And yet she seemed very happy here.”

“Did you get to know her well?”

“Despite her public image, I found her a nice person. She warmed to me as well, but never spoke about her personal life. From our conversations, I gathered she had no family and lived alone. Beyond that I can’t tell you much…”

“Hmm. Did she seem spiritually inclined?” asked Ramanand Prabhu.

Laxmi Dasi knitted her brows and tried to remember. “I’m not sure…probably not at first. But her interest grew after we began discussing devotion, philosophy etc. When she left, she took several of our books back with her. We lost touch after she left as I was busy with our medical camps.”

Ramanand Prabhu smiled and nodded, “Thank you, Mataji. You may go now. Hare Krishna.”

Laxmi Dasi left and Ramananda Prabhu pondered over what he had just learnt about Sonal Mehta. These movie stars were unpredictable, he thought, and it was best he refused her. But he would have to do it tactfully. A few months ago, he had refused some famous actor a similar request. The latter had landed up in the Temple premises with the media in tow and created an unpleasant scene.

Then again, what if this Sonal Mehta was genuinely interested in spiritual endeavour? He had known wealthy celebrities who had suddenly awakened to spirituality after an epiphany or some significant life event.

Finally, Ramanand Prabhu arrived at a conclusion. He would send a senior experienced devotee from the Temple to test her. The devotee would go to Mumbai and attempt to find out whether this Sonal Mehta was really keen on spirituality and God. Then depending on the devotee’s report, he would decide on what to do next. In any case, there were too many things on his plate at present.

***

Sonal Mehta gasped in delight on receiving the letter. The Temple President was actually sending over a senior devotee the next day, to discuss her going to Vrindavan! She had feared that her request would not be taken seriously.

She read the letter from Vrindavan over and over and then rushed to the small altar in her bedroom. Her eyes brimming with tears, she gazed lovingly at the Deities Radha-Krishna and thanked them from the bottom of her heart.

That night she could not sleep. The mere thought of living in Vrindavan had driven away any possibility of rest. Early next morning, forgetting herself, she almost ran outside her house in her nightgown, imagining that the devotee from Vrindavan had arrived. She wondered, was this how the Gopis must have felt when someone was expected from Mathura or Dwarka, with news of their beloved Krishna? She blushed and laughed at herself.

Curbing her excitement, Sonal went back to her bedroom and got ready. Then she sat down in front of her Deities and completed the pooja. Today she did it with extra fervour, praying that the Temple authorities would accept her as a devotee-sevak, and as soon as possible.

Then she left word with the house-servants and the security office to immediately admit the devotee from the Radhika-Krishna Temple and lead him to her.

Feeling supremely happy, Sonal went out on the patio on the ground floor. The morning sunshine bathed her as she reclined in her favourite armchair. She loved sitting here and enjoying the magnificent view of the gardens, pools and fountains surrounding her huge villa.

But today, the letter from Vrindavan on the coffee table beside her, gave her more joy than anything else.

She closed her eyes and relished the moment. She had never felt such peace and fulfilment before.

Sonal's life had been a turbulent ride from the age of nineteen years, the day she stepped into Bollywood. A speeding drunken truck driver snatched away her parents just after her selection for her first movie. An only child with no trustworthy relatives, she had chosen to live alone and plunge into her work, leaving herself no time to grieve. Her exquisite looks, acting talent and ambitiousness ensured her rise to the top position within a short time. She even did the lead roles in several Hollywood movies, a privilege afforded to very few Indian actresses. But as a result of her success, she led an extremely hectic and stressful life. When not busy with work, the morbid fear of loneliness made her spend every minute of her free time indulging in every pleasure money could buy, healthy and unhealthy.

Now after eighteen years of thirty-hour acting schedules, endless partying and a string of unsuccessful relationships, for the first time in her life, she felt truly, completely relaxed.

She went back over the past year that had transformed her life. Her mild heart attack had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Her doctors sternly warned her to take at least a year off from her career and her reckless, hedonistic lifestyle. She very reluctantly agreed, and initially wondered what to do with all that free time.

A friend advised her a couple of months’ stay at the Radhika-Krishna Temple in Vrindavan. Sonal laughed at the idea—religion bored her to death. She finally relented after her friend convinced her that the beauty, quietude and serenity of the place would do her a whale of good.

There, she met the vivacious Laxmi Dasi. Sonal never discussed her stress-ridden personal life with Laxmi, but just being in her company soothed her. In Laxmi, she found a font of warmth, affection and caring—sentiments that felt strange and alien to her. With a twinge of sadness, Sonal realised that she had lived her entire adult life all alone. Constantly surrounded by hundreds of ‘friends’ and ‘well-wishers’, but no one who genuinely cared about her. Laxmi was her first and only true friend.

Soon, Sonal discovered a love for Lord Krishna dormant within herself. Nourished by Laxmi’s association and encouragement, and her own spiritual practice, Sonal's love for Krishna grew by leaps and bounds. Even after returning to Mumbai, she continued her devotional practice, and soon found herself immersed in remembering her Lord from morning to night. Her fear of loneliness faded away, because now her Lord Krishna was always with her, in her mind and heart.

She had wanted to visit the Radhika-Krishna Temple again but couldn't for some reason or the other. With each passing day, Sonal desired nothing more than to go to Vrindavan and be with her Lord Krishna. To live with Him for always.

And now that dream was on the verge of coming true!

Immersed in these wonderful thoughts, chanting His holy name, she lapsed into a sweet dreamless sleep.

“Hare Krishna...”

The gently spoken words awakened Sonal and she looked up at the saffron-clad, elderly person standing in front of her. Her heart leapt and she sat bolt upright. The senior devotee from the Temple!

The visitor humbly introduced himself. “Hare Krishna. My name is Chaitanya Das and I am from Vrindavan.”

“Ye-yes, Hare Krishna, Prabhuji. Yes, I was expecting you…please sit down!” Sonal could barely contain herself.

Chaitanya Das sat down on a chair in front of her and smiled. “I believe you are keen on becoming a full-time devotee-sevak of the Lord?”

Sonal nodded eagerly. “Yes, most certainly, Prabhuji.”

Chaitanya Das paused and continued, “But there are a few pre-requisites. For example, you will have to engage in devotional practice, remember Lord Krishna in everything that you do, chant His holy name—”

“Oh yes, Prabhuji,” she gushed, “I am willing to do whatever is required.”

“There is just one last requirement…a rather difficult one, though…” Chaitanya Das watched her closely. “You will have to give up everything, all your material possessions before coming there—your affluent lifestyle, wealth, fame, career…everything.”

Sonal was prepared for this. She met his gaze and answered confidently, “Yes, Prabhuji. I am willing to do that. I have mentioned that in my letter to Ramanand Prabhu.”

Chaitanya Das nodded and continued, “Very good, but if I were to ask you to leave everything that you possess and come with me to Vrindavan at this very moment, will you do it?” He looked at her intently, a slight smile on his face.

Sonal faltered for a moment. She now knew she was being tested. But she also knew that she had progressed too far on the path towards her beloved Krishna to back out.

She returned his gaze and replied softly, “Yes, Prabhuji.”

Chaitanya Das suddenly stood up and announced, “Then let us leave, Mataji! Vrindavan awaits you!”

Sonal's mind was racing but she had made her decision! She stood up and followed Chaitanya Das into the garden outside.

In her hurry, she forgot on the coffee table, her handbag that she perpetually carried with her. This bag contained the keys to her house, cars, safes, jewellery boxes, bank- lockers etc. The keys to all her material possessions.

After walking a few steps with Chaitanya Das, Sonal realised that her handbag was not with her. As a rule, she never went anywhere without it. By force of habit, she stopped and looked back for it.

She froze and her eyes widened. Realisation gradually dawned on her. Leave behind every single thing…?

“Mataji, to renounce all your material possessions is a very, very difficult task…”

She slowly turned and stared at Chaitanya Das, still struggling to come to terms with the immensity of what he had demanded of her.

“You can choose to go back, if you wish…” he gently continued.

“And if I go back, I will lose this chance to come with you?” she asked. “You can have one but not both…” Chaitanya Das smiled regretfully. Sonal sighed. The moment to decide had arrived.

She looked back again at the gardens, the swimming pool and the cars lined outside in their garages. She looked back at the palatial house that had been her residence for so many years. In which she had experienced so many joyful moments. And sad ones.

Then she noticed that one of the cars had a deep scratch on its side and the rust underneath was beginning to show through. Then she noticed that some of the leaves and flowers in the gardens had withered away, and that a number of cracks were beginning to develop in the walls of her villa.

Suddenly, she was struck by the impermanence of it all. How could she expect these things to give her true, everlasting happiness?

Her mind then went back to those wonderful two months she had spent in Vrindavan. The tinkling laughter of the ladies as they wove garlands for their Lord and discussed His stories. The enthusiastic discussions she had with Laxmi and the thought- provoking lectures given by the other devotees at the Temple. The wholesome, body- and-soul-nourishing prasadam that she enjoyed everyday. The smiling faces of the devotees as they greeted each other with a Hare Krishna!

And most of all, that lovely effulgent face of her dearest, most beloved Lord Krishna!

Where was then, the question of choice? She was being given a golden chance to go and stay with her beloved Lord Krishna and His devotees for always. The opportunity to serve Him in every way—to cook for him, weave garlands for Him, sew dresses for Him…

How could she even think of passing up this opportunity?

Sonal turned and smiled at Chaitanya Das. “I have decided, Prabhuji. I am ready to give up everything and come with you.”

Chaitanya Das nodded in approval.

“But before we leave, there is one small thing I need to do.” So saying, she left a smiling Chaitanya Das waiting in the sunshine and rushed back towards the coffee table on the patio.

***

The phone rang incessantly interrupting Ramanand Prabhu’s work. He answered it and his ears pricked up. It was the senior devotee he had sent to test Sonal Mehta. “Hare Krishna, Prabhuji,” said Ramanand Prabhu, “were you able to reach her house without trouble?”

“Yes, I reached here about twenty minutes ago.” His colleague continued after a pause, his voice brimming with reverence, “I dare say, Sonal Mehta Mataji has surprised us all. She turned out to be one of the most exalted devotees I have come across. She has indeed given up everything for Krishna, just like she had mentioned in her letter to you.”

Ramanand Prabhu gave a sigh. He had been wrong about Sonal Mataji. Good thing he hadn’t refused her outright. “All right,” he said, “then in our next weekly meeting, we will finalise her admission to the Temple as a full-time devotee-sevak. Please tell her that we will do that and convey her the details at the earliest.”

There was a pause before the senior devotee gravely replied, “My apologies, Prabhuji, for not being adequately clear.

“I was too late in arriving here and was not able to meet her at all. Sonal Mataji passed away in her sleep about four hours ago. She was found lying in an armchair on her patio, with a peaceful expression on her face and her rosary in her hand. The doctors say that she may have suffered another massive heart attack, this time, fatal. She was a patient of coronary heart disease.

“Prabhuji, it appears that she must have had some inkling of her departure from this world. Before she passed away, she wrote a note on the back of the letter you sent her. The authorities found it on the coffee table next to her. After telling them I am from the Radhika-Krishna Temple, they were kind enough to show it to me.

“The note is addressed to all the devotees of our Temple, especially Laxmi Dasi. Sonal Mataji has thanked us for our satsang. According to her, our association fulfilled her dream of going to Goloka Vrindavan and uniting with her beloved Lord Krishna.”

Epilogue

Ramanand Prabhu sat in his office, musing over the recent events.

He had sent a senior devotee to test Sonal Mataji’s devotion. Only to find that Sonal Mataji had already passed the ultimate test in life: To leave the world with God’s holy name on her lips and remembering Him. How many devotees could be said to be that fortunate?

I salute you, Mataji, he thought and mentally paid his obeisance to her departed soul.

His musings were interrupted by a very flushed and excited Vishnu Das, his personal secretary, who had just burst into his office.

“Hare Krishna, Prabhuji!” his secretary exclaimed, “please forgive me for entering like this, but some lawyers are here to meet you. They represent Sonal Mehta Mataji.

“They wish to inform you that in her will written six months ago, Sonal Mataji has entrusted all her money, property and assets to the Radhika-Krishna Temple in Vrindavan. The value of the same amounts to over ten billion rupees and the money is to be used for whatever purpose the Temple deems fit!”

Ramanand Prabhu sat up with a jolt. “What?”

“Yes, Prabhuji,” Vishnu Das continued, his eyes shining with happiness, “our Gopala- Ananda project will never run short of funds again!”

THE END

(Continue reading for the Notes)

Notes:

For those who are confused why the senior devotee tells Ramanand Prabhu he missed meeting Sonal Mehta, despite their interaction: The ‘Chaitanya Das’ who meets Sonal Mehta is NOT the senior devotee sent by Ramanand Prabhu. He is a messenger from God, to test her devotion and willingness to attain His abode. The senior devotee sent by Ramanand Prabhu reaches Sonal Mehta’s house after her soul has already left with Chaitanya Das for her heavenly abode.

So when Sonal Mehta gets up on Chaitanya Das’s arrival and greets him, converses with him etc., it is her soul that does so. Consequently, it is her soul that follows him outside into the garden, leaving her lifeless body lying in the armchair.

N.B. Please do read that part again (Chaitanya Das’s entry onwards) to understand all the above and interpret it from this different perspective—you probably understood it differently the first time you read it! The deceptive ‘double meaning’ narration of that part is purely intentional. :)

According to Vedic scriptures, ‘Goloka Vrindavan’ is the abode of Lord Krishna, where his devotees join Him after their death and serve/ associate with Him in eternal bliss. Chaitanya Das refers to this ‘Vrindavan’ in his dialogue, not the one in Uttar Pradesh.

While writing the story, I tried to put myself in the place of Sonal Mehta, when she looks back for her handbag and sees her own mortal body lying in the armchair. And the dilemma in her mind at that time, when Chaitanya Das reminds her that to go to (Goloka) Vrindavan, she will have to give up all her material possessions, including her material body! [vide ‘Realisation slowly dawned on her: Leave behind every single thing…?’]

This point is worthy of introspection. The Vedic scriptures reveal how we falsely consider our body our most ‘inseparable’ possession. We identify ourselves with our bodies so strongly that we do not believe that we are actually the soul and not the material body. Death is the inescapable fate of every material body but the soul lives on forever. And yet it is intrinsic to any living being to resist giving up its material body and struggle to live even in the face of imminent death.

Similarly, decay and death come to every object and experience in this material world, good or bad. Then is this material world really worth clinging to? Being a slave to every impermanent joy and repeatedly suffering every inevitable misery?

So then supposing we were given a choice like Chaitanya Das gave Sonal Mehta, would it be possible for us to give up our mortal body and existing life in exchange for the Supreme Goal?

According to scriptures, the answer is both no and yes.

No, if we are infrangibly attached to this material world and its unending rollercoaster ride of painful miseries and short-lived pleasures. Life after life after life.

And Yes, if we know what this troublesome material world is all about, and are aware of the secret to rid ourselves of this material existence forever.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna promises us that spiritual practice and unshakeable devotion to God, especially remembering Him unto our death, will attain us His Abode.

A spiritually advanced person knows all this and will not hesitate to give up the possession of his mortal body when the time comes, in order to unite with God.

One may argue how worldly people like Sonal Mehta can be considered spiritually advanced and eligible to be directly granted God’s Abode. The scriptures say that when someone, even a worldly person, develops a longing for God to a point where he is consumed by love for Him, the Lord Himself becomes a servant of His devotee and is eager to unite with him.

Another explanation is that such privileged people are supposed to have already completed their ‘qualifying examinations’ in their earlier lives. In their final life, they just complete what little ‘syllabus’ remains and ‘graduate’ to God’s Abode. For example, the one final test for Sonal Mehta.

So at first glance, from a conventional standpoint, this story may appear a tragedy, the sad tale of a successful movie star leading a turbulent, unhappy personal life and finally dying a lonely death.

But if one considers it from the spiritual point of view, one realizes that in the end,

things couldn’t have gone better for her.

Finally, did anyone notice how in a single master stroke, BOTH Sonal Mehta and the Temple’s Gopala-Ananda project were simultaneously benefitted? :) Indeed, mysterious, wonderful and unfathomable are the ways of God…

*** PC: Photo by Stanley Morales from Pexels