Dear disciples, friends and well-wishers
Please accept my best wishes. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
By Krishna's mercy I was discharged from hospital two days ago. This morning, I visited a local surgeon who changed my bandages and who checked if everything was alright. He had only good things to say about my condition and recommended that I take things easy and have ample rest. The body is still under shock, the cleansing organs need to eliminate all the toxins after the unusually long narcosis and many other medication. As expected I need to take pain-killers. Somehow I feel like an embryo who needs to build up all its organs. I am told that all this is perfectly normal and I am in good spirits. There is a little voice within me that even says: "Finally you have the time you always wanted for reading, reflecting and chanting."
Please allow me to share a jewel-like realisation with you, which I received during this time: Throughout my stay in the hospital, even when I was out for three whole hours, I had the feeling that Krishna took care of me. From the very beginning He gave me Germany's top specialist for hernia surgery. He allowed me to meet many interesting doctors, nurses and I felt like a little insect being carried upon a jewelled plate and could almost perceive the blue hands to the left and right side of the plate.
From this experience, I concluded that the Lord is always there - not just in such extreme situations - and that it is only the mind that provides the often repetitive soundtrack to our experiences in the world, which builds a subtle barrier against our awareness of spiritual reality.
Example: How the mind, being under the influence of Maya often tricks us:
When I was a child I would sometimes go camping with my dear friend Lorenz. Once we pitched our tent in a forest. At around midnight I woke up with a shock. I had heard the loud growling of a beast close by. As I looked towards the entrance of the tent, a shadow moved and then the sound repeated itself "grrrrrrr…"
It was clear that the sound came either from a wild bear, if not Frankenstein himself. I woke up Lorenz so that we could face our last hour together. The sound came again "grrrrrrr…" Twigs were breaking, the wind was howling and then again that terrifying sound. Lorenz and myself embraced each other to face death together… To my pleasant surprise, when my ear rested on Lorenz's chest, in addition to hearing his fast heartbeat, I realised that the fearful sound was actually coming from Lorenz's stomach! It all made sense - we had eaten beans the night before.
Maya works in many ways to interpret reality in an illusory way and thus makes us forget Krishna. Only in very deep and absorbed chanting - when the holy name becomes the only reality and everything else fades away including that normal mental noise - can such a spiritual experience be made whereby we understand and feel close to Krishna.
Now when I chant, I try to bring the holy name deep into the chamber of my heart and then close the door to the world. From there on, just like a drop of oil which spreads over paper, the holy name pervades and purifies the consciousness and that is more than just a relief from material consciousness. It is positive connection with Krishna. How will the material mind ever stop producing images and giving comments if not by the mercy of Krishna's presence. The mind with its countless impressions is so much intertwined with the pure consciousness that only Krishna can separate the pure self from Maya.
I am now very much inclined to act on this realisation and think more deeply about the purpose and the unique chance of my temporary stay here in this world. So often I catch myself now living on the surface and not being deeply connected with Krishna - and I do not like it. When the Lord is there even in the hospital under the full narcosis, how much will He be there if one aligns one’s life in such a way that one has constantly the chance to turn to Him?
It is very important for me to say that these are not isolated experiences. All devotees - in fact all jivas -have such experiences the moment they sincerely turn to the Lord because Krishna has no favourites. He is not like a mundane human being who chooses whom he will give his/her mercy according to personal preferences. He does not even have a place in His heart for the mistakes of His devotees. He is always there for everyone - only a sincere prayer away.
There is a famous statement by Lord Ramachandra, which He made when He accepted Vibhishana (the brother of Ravana), as a devotee although he was born a demon and was for a long time on the wrong side.
sakrid eva prapanno yas
tavasmiti ca yacate
abhayam sarvad tasmai
dadamy etad vratam mama
"'It is My vow that if one only once seriously surrenders unto Me, saying 'My dear Lord, from this day I am Yours,' and prays to Me for courage, I shall immediately award courage to that person, and he will always remain safe from that time on.'" (CC Madhya 22.34)
We can see that the Lord is only a sincere prayer away.
Epilogue:
More than anything else, my mind is now occupied with my most important project: how to absorb my mind fully in Krishna consciousness despite the ever increasing speed in which the secular, but also the devotee, world moves.
Let me end with an encouraging statement by Srila Prabhupada, which in some ways summarises the mission of a devotee in this world: "We have taken on a very serious job. In this life we want to finish this material existence for good. [...] Serious. We have taken a very, very responsible task, which is to finish this so called lording over this material nature. Our business is not to lord it over, but to serve Krishna." (Gorakhpur, 1971, letter)
Wishing you all the best and I thank you for your kind prayers for my speedy recovery. They are really working.
Sacinandana Swami
PS: Some of you have asked if I will be attending the Radhadesh Mellows. I am making plans - despite my doctor's advise to just rest - to attend but only from Saturday to Monday. This time however, I will have to refrain from dancing wildly with Shyamananda (smile) and also take more rest than usual.
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