Hare Krishna dear Devotees!
Please accept my humble obeisances!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Here is a book collected from the Books of Srila Prabhupada, Chanakya Pandit, His Holiness Bhakti Vikash Swami Maharaja, Manu Samhita by Devotee - Psychologists like:
His Grace Audarya Dhama Prabhu;
His Grace Patita Pavana Prabhu;
His Grace Prokoshev;
in Russian language called "The Principles of an Ideal Family Life". And we will try to translate it here.
Your servant,
Replies
Cooking
That the food which we prepare and eat at home, should be offered to God. This is extremely important, because control of the senses begins with tongue. And the tongue will be under control when you take prasadam (offered food). So everything that you eat, you must first offer.
It is better if the wife or the mother stays home and cooks
It is important that children receive food that is cooked and offered with love. Now it is very easy to buy some already cooked food. But we must remember that it is defiled, because it was prepared by unknown people.
Consciousness of a sinful man enters to that. I know that many householders find easier to buy something and give it to children. But it is better not to do so.
Food should be cooked with love, offered with love and raised with love. Children, husband and other relatives feel much better if they are offered food with love, than what is easily available.
In Indian families, you can see that women are always busy with something or something to cook for the children. In this they derive pleasure. You may notice that mother Yashoda always used to cook something for Krishna, that he grew up strong and healthy.
Grahasta-Ashram
The essence of grihastha-ashram is that the life of householders should be aimed at spiritual development.
The house in which you live, too, should be a place for spiritual development. Make your home a Temple. Do not leave in it place for sensual pleasures. In other words, everything in the house must be connected with God. Therefore, it is recommended to worship the altar for householders, otherwise they would have to fall.
Abortion and contraception
In the Vedic scriptures there is a whole science of how to have sex, in order to give a birth to good children. In anyway, in order to have children, you need sex. But this should not be contraception or abortion. These are very sinful activities. It's all sinful: divorce, contraception, abortion.
Why using contraception is sinful? Because sex means that a particular soul wants to get the body. And if you stop it, then it is very sinful. It is also sinful because the person is engaged in sense gratification not taking any responsibilities. But even if you can not overcome the sexual drive, you still should not use contraception and abortion. It is better to have many children. It is better to have a lot of children and to teach them the in God consciousness.
How to overcome lust
Srila Prabhupada wrote that if a man can live with a very beautiful and obedient wife, but still does not enjoy her, this stage is higher than the monk. How he could be so strong?
The answer can be only one. Man must obtain sublime consciousness.
Practical recommendations
The Vedic system provides that in order to conceive a child the husband and wife should choose the appropriate time in terms of astrology, referring to the appropriate specialist. There was a whole system of certain rituals designed to ensure that a husband and wife can clear their minds.
In prayer, they asked the Lord to send them a first-class child.
This has an impact, at least in two directions. On one hand, a prayer helps as like a protective function, protecting against casual sex. On the other hand, a man cleanses his mind from lust. But even if married husband and wife are united as cats and dogs, it is illicit sex.
Of course, this is not such a serious sin as like a illicit sex outside of marriage, but it is also sinful, sexual life in marriage should be aimed to give birth to good children. This implies that a sexual relationship can come only after a menstrual period in women. Because if the husband and wife are healthy, then they have a good chance to conceive a child by engaging in sexual intercourse at this time. After such a relationship with a woman, as a rule, pregnancy occurs.
There is another limitation. Sexual intercourse should not be more as long as a baby is there, because her goal was already achieved. And then, at least within six months after the baby is born, too, there can be no question of sex. Because for a woman will be very hard to have a row of one child after another.
Sex in God Consciousness - is very good
In the "Bhagavad Gita" Krishna said that the sexual life according to religious principles - it is I. He says that sex life which is not against with the principles of religion - it is I. Therefore, sex for having good children born in God consciousness - this is very good.
Bhaktisidhanta Saraswati said that if I could produce God conscious children then I would have sex hundreds of times.
Illicit sex is condemned by Scriptures, "a tendency to look for heavenly pleasure should be used only for the appearance of good children."
Ideal husband and wife should unite only to conceive a child. The consciousness of parents, husband and wife at the time of conception affects the kind of living creature will enter into the womb of a mother.
In the "Srimad Bhagavatam" it says that a living creature is born according to his/her karma, and under the supervision of senior supervisory - God and his assistants - the demigods. And the demigods and the demons are watching it. If they see that the husband and wife are very clean and well united with the purpose of having a good child, then they send these people a pure soul. In the opposite case, even if the parents are loyal, but unite to satisfy their lust, then they get very lusty baby.
Grihamedhis and Grihasthas.
Grihamedhi Life - a life that revolves around sex. In the Bhagavatam it says that life of a grihamedhi based on a very minor pleasures, which gives the sex.
Life grihastha life based on the spiritual progress and meaning of life.
Education of girls
The girls used to stay at home for as long as do not become old enough to live with their husbands.
Mothers and grandmothers used to teach them to chastity, they were raised as devout women.
They listened to the stories about the great chaste women, such as Sita-devi, Gandhari, Draupadi, Savitri, and they used to become their ideal. They used to take the examples of those pious, perfect women. So they brought the character.
The secret of a successful marriage
In Christianity, at least in the Catholic Church during the wedding couple take a vow to stay together as husband and wife in sickness and in health, poverty and wealth, in any conditions. And if people make such a decision, then their marriage will be successful.
If you want to make your marriage successful attempting to adapt to each other on a mental level, it will never lead to success.
When husband and wife take a vow in any situation to stay together, then gradually they will be able to remove all obstacles and live happily together.
And they will succeed. They can even sometimes fight with each other, disagree with something, but they never leave, because they made this decision. And this commitment to stay together and take responsibility in a marriage - is the key to success. This is the secret of successful marriage.
Social problems
In today's world there are many social problems. And one of the most important is that there is no proper family life.
Because husband and wife have no firm commitment to stay together at all times and help each other, then after a while they just get divorced.
They do not stop divorcing even for the sake of their own children, who suffer from this more than others. Parents are not very worried about them. They do not care who they will become in the future, so they just put a child in front of the TV and say, "Look better TV and do not hinder me." This is just one example of the wrong attitude to life.
Selfishness
This is due to the fact that in the western world, now and throughout the world, attitudes to life of the people became very selfish. It is based on sense gratification. "The purpose of my life is that only I become happy. And no matter what happens with the rest. "They do not care that they hurt others, even their own children. Children look to parents for some guidance. But if the parents ignore them, fighting with each other and at the end get divorced, then this is for the child's mind is very destructive.
Therefore, in Western countries, it is possible to see so many young criminals, alcoholism and drug abuse among children, so many children do suicide. The main reason for that their parents are too selfish. They do not care what happens to their children.
They marry in such a state of mind: "Well, let's try that out. Now I'm getting married, but if something gets wrong, then I'll kick my wife outside." The girl, marries, thinking, "Well, let me try. But if I do not like this guy, then I'll find another." This is completely the wrong attitude, contrary to the Vedic culture and is a major cause of failure.
A man must marry for the sake of spiritual advancement. This means that he must consider his life from this point of view. He should understand that there is no enough time to live that long. At any time you can die. Even if they manage to live to 70 or 80 years, it is still not very long. Therefore, marrying and being in this position, you need to do all you can for your spiritual advancement.
Patience
Even if in family life there are some difficulties, we have to tolerate it. We may think that it is better to divorce and try again. But this is a deception of the mind, Maya. Maya always makes us think that if we make just a little change in our position, then everything will be fine.
On this point, "Srimad Bhagavatam" is a good example. A man on one shoulder carries a heavy load. This causes him great suffering. And then he finds seemingly very sensible decision. He puts the burden on the other shoulder. In fact, this is not the solution. Instead of suffering from one side, he now feels pain from the other.
And, similarly, no matter what material decision we have not taken, even though we will suffer in this way or other. In the "Bhagavad Gita" says, that in due course of time you will get all the happiness and unhappiness, which you ordained. Therefore, one should accept any position as it is. And no matter what position he may be, he must continue to act in the God Consciousness.
Two states
There are two states in the family: "We tolerate each other," and "we are developing." As soon as from the state of development, we go into a state of tolerating each other - this is a crisis and we must make great efforts to get back. Otherwise, the situation becomes chronic and difficult to fix it. So we tolerate each other until the end of life.
It is better to constantly maintain and enhance the state of development.
"We should understand the necessity for maintaining family life in human society... The husband and wife should live in Krishna Consciousness and follow in the footsteps of Lakshmi-Narayana or Krishna-Rukmini. In this way peace and harmony can be possible within this world.
- Srimad Bhagavatam 4.23.25 Bhaktivedanta purport
Those who see the hand of the Lord behind everything, including their marriages, learn to value their partners as God-given companions and accept them as they are. This understanding help them to stick together with their spouses, through thick and thin, and remain always loyal.
"You must accept whomever God has given you as husband or wife..."
- Conversations with Srila Prabhupada, Baltimore 7/7/1976
from the book, The Four Goals of Family Life by Jagannathesvari Devidasi
Responsibility
But marriage is not only pleasing the senses, but also a responsibility. Marriage - a union of men and women for their life together, united by a sense of responsibility. They should help each other, cooperate with each other. And most importantly - help each other in spiritual development.
Nowadays, people are getting married on the basis of sensual gratification. It is predicted in the "Srimad Bhagavatam" and described as one of the hallmarks of Kali Yuga (our time). They predicted that in the Kali Yuga, people will get married just out of lust. Due to the fact that a man attracted to a woman and a woman - to a man. Because apparently they like each other.
But the nature of the material desire is that I like you today, tomorrow, I hate you. And if marriage is just based on this external drive on the principle: I like you - we're getting married, then tomorrow is it that you do not like me already and that's all over.
And those who are just entering a marriage life and those who are married should be aware that this is a very big responsibility.
A divorce
If in the society there are many divorces, it means that is sick society.
Divorce is useless, because after the new honeymoon and the arrival of new kinds of concerns you would like to divorce again.
Thus, you can have five or six husbands or wives, and you will always look for a perfect husband or perfect wife. But no matter how you try, you will not get a perfect husband, because the perfect husband - is the Supreme Personality of Godhead (Krishna).
So if then you can marry Him. But you need to be qualified. Rukmini was able to marry Krishna. But if you're not at the level of Rukmini, then you better take someone as a representative of Krishna.
Sometimes you can hear how devotees say they are trying to make their marriages successful. If you are trying to do this, you are doomed to failure. Because there will always arise a lot of problems. We should not try to make our marriage a successful, because, otherwise, we have allowed already the happening of a failure.
In fact, the true solution is that whatever happens, you should stay together.
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