I discovered a discussion on this site about the different roles of men and women, and since this is a grhasta group, I think this would be a good topic for discussion here as well.

My question to everyone is: do you view, and treat, your husband/wife as a spiritual equal?

This is what I posted in the other discussion on this subject. I live in the USA, where women for the most part have equal rights and opportunities as men. I was raised to always highly respect women, and all through my childhood, my teenage years, and my adult life, have had deep, platonic friendships with women. In Kali Yuga, people no longer have the roles that we read about in the scriptures. I think this is why Srila Prabhupada was so accepting of women in ways that previous acharyas could not be.

Society in my country is now even more vastly different than when Srila Prabhupada was here, which requires that much more leniency and freedom to be given to woman devotees in this culture. We can strive to apply varnashram ideals to our society as much as possible, but everyone must realize that this IS Kali Yuga, and things will be drastically different no matter how much we apply Vedic culture.

Forgive me for speaking bluntly here, but I feel that I must say this. I have become a very balanced and understanding person from having close friendships with women my whole life. Sex does not ever even cross my mind when talking to any woman, even my wife. I have always been blessed since a young age with very little sex drive to begin with, but now as I grow older ( I'm 37) I have barely any sex drive at all. My wife and I even have separate bedrooms.

The hardest regulative principle for me to follow has always been intoxication anyway, not sex. And because I spent so many years abusing drugs, my karma has caught up with me health-wise. My body is much older than it should be for someone my age. I have terrible heart problems, arthritis in my neck, and chronic neck and back pain and headaches. I suffer very much physically because I wasted all of my youth abusing drugs, but I recognize my suffering as my karma catching up with me, and can accept it for what it is instead of sitting around like I see many people do whining "Why me?".

And from a lifetime of observation, I have to say that in my experience, men and women are equally lusty, they just have different ways of expressing it. As devotees, we must always remember that we are not these bodies! Male, female, it makes no difference. Both have equally hard obstacles to overcome on the path of devotional service. To say that a man or a woman has it easier or harder than the other is simply not realistic. Everybody faces a unique set of challenges in life, it matters not what kind of body we have.

If you were to visit my household, you would find the roles completely reversed. My wife is the one who works and is very close to becoming a doctor of psychology. I, because of my health problems, cannot work outside the house, but instead I do all the cooking, cleaning, caring for animals, and most of the shopping. If we were able to have children, I would be the one at home raising them. Does this make me less of a man? Of course not. The way things have worked out for me is completely due to my karma. I feel that I am actually in a very fortunate position in life because I have whatever few years I may have left in this body to cultivate my Krishna Consciousness. And by doing so, setting a good example for my wife who will no doubt live longer than me and carry on what I am able to teach her.

I am very interested in hearing other devotees views of their relationships. Hare Krishna!