My Husband Is A Drunkard

i need your advice regarding my Question its a sensitive issue my brother and sister in law facing they are not devotees My brother drink and my sis in law telling me about him to me i am worried and unable to advice her...

Hare Krishna mathaji,I have got married to the person whom i loved in 2009, MAy. He is my classmate in college and he had drinking & smoking habit from the age of 19. But during my college times with him, i have never seen him getting over drunk and misbehave and fell un conscious..

After marriage as i am being with him, i have noticed he has the addiction to drinking. As he is doing drinking for a period of 12-24 hrs every week once. After he drinks, he will not be in his control. He became wild, abuse people and drive the car rashly.

After noticing for 2 periods, we have taken him to treatment in detoxification center chennai in 2011. After the treatment he noticed himself that he is alcoholic and suffering from alcoholism. They have suggested to take a pill daily to stay away from alcohol as it will react if u drink. He used 1 month after treatment tablet and never used later.

After knowing that he is alcoholic and the consequences, he still experimented to prove that he is social drinker for the last 2 years and getting failed all the times. Although he realised his mistake he keeps doing that due to his body demands or mind I dont know actually. He cant control his body aftter he takes a first sip. It will be continued day & night for 24 hrs minimum. I am worried that weekly once habit will come to daily soon..

I did nt plan for kids from 2009 due to these problems. Now we both are 31 yrs. We are also trying from 1 year for the kid but nothing such happened. I need your help to get rid of his drinking alcohol and would liek to see him sober

Kindly advise mathaji.

Hare Krishna the dearest Mataji, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada! I am so so so sad for Your husband and understand Your pain. It is not easy i know.

Let me explain one situation from my personal life: If i say the truth my parents got divorced when i was only 13. So it was big lost for me. So after we with my mother left home buying another small flat. Father started to live with another woman. He was nice, i loved him but he did this mistake. That woman was not from educated family so while living with her my father started even to smoke, drink more. Later he stopped to earn nicely and that woman left him. So that was a shock for him. He was blinded by her but now she left. So he now started to drink more and more. Smoke very badly. ... Once I came to meet him and when i saw his situation my heart was broken. He became thin, dark in color, got old, wrinkles, house was too dirty to stay in...it was so pitiful to see that. When i came back to my place, that time i was doing my studies in other city i cried and really prayed to Krishna to help my father. From that time on i vowed to perform austerities-increase my rounds for him, fast nirjal on Ekadashis for him, and always pray for him. So it went on for a year. After that i do not know something happened and when i visited him again we talked about life, religion; he started to ask questions...as a result i gave him Bhagavad Gita. He read for 4 times because he felt in love with Srila Prabhupada, he read Srimad Bhagavatam...then i left again to my studies but later my mom called me and asked what i did my father. She told that he stopped to drink, smoke, eat meat. So it was something like a wonder. And in the reality it was the mercy of Lord Chaitanya.

--- People drink because they do not get enough love, respect, attention from other people; friends... So my suggestion is You being a chaste wife can do and can change him for sure. Savitri changed the karma of her husband by her chastity, intelligence and great austerities. So please take shelter in Holy Names of Krishna and start to chant them. Also learn to cook vegetarian food and OFFER that WITH LOVE to Krishna and after offering pray to Krishna to accept this food. You can cry, beg. Please believe me Prasadam is very powerful. Through Prasadam You can give Your love to him. Another thing is speak with him very politely, never use harsh words.

You can also fast on Ekadashis and dedicate results to him. Just know that he drinks because does not feel love. So as a summary: -Please chant some rounds and some rounds dedicate for him. -You can read Bhagavad Gita As It Is and results dedicate to him. -Ekadashi fasting -And of course praying. -and yes Prasadam.

Only One Person is there who can help us and that is Krishna. He is in the heart of everyone. So when You please Him He will change the heart of Your husband. If any service from my side please write! best wishes!

my humble obeisances dear Mataji, All glories to Srila Prabhupada! Even if he does not accept Krishna he will for sure accept wonderful Prasadam of His, doesn't he?! Plus she and You have to start to wish all the best for Your brother. Just start to pray for him daily. Praying God for his well being. Wife should pray to Krishna to protect her husband. She can observe ekadashis and dedicate results for him. When You start to wish good to other person you will start to love that person and when you love you never hurt but be polite and will have desire to serve. That selfless service concurs and melts hearts. So what is the service that wife can render to her husband? There were gandharvas in heaven wife and husband. But once they were cursed to take birth on Earth. So husband became a man eater by that curse so wife did not left him but she tried her best to help her husband. He was not simple drunkard but he used to kill men and eat their flesh. So horrible was he. But she remained faithful and respectful. At the same time did austerities and dedicate results to her husband. As a result sins of her husband were washed away and they went back to heaven. So this desire for doing sinful things comes sinful karma. So when we do proper austerities like chanting, Ekadashi...sins are washed away and person will have pure desires.

So she should not force him to accept Krishna as God. Let it be. Wife never teaches husband in that way. But she has to show her dependence on him that she needs his protection, care. That she loves him so much. She has to say such like things if needed daily. She has to appreciate with heart and words what husband does for example if he works very hard to provide family so she has to thank him and say that what would she without him. ... When man feels that he is needed to someone then he won't go to bad friends. Because at home he does not take enough attention and care he longs for outside.

She can chant when he is at work, but be very kind, care taking, when he comes home. And make Prasadam ready till he comes home. Wash his clothes, speak only sweet words....these are the tools with which wife can win the heart of her husband and change him and make from him a real man.

Your servant

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Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:29pm

I sent mathaji friend request and waiting for the turn to accept...

One thing I find contradictory with Ajay's case . He did nt start drink due to the reasons as mathaji mentioned above like not getting love, respect, attention from other people.

I came to know during his treatment period that he started drinks for fun with his friends. slowly this habit from months came to week and now fallen to 3 days once ..Although he did nt like the drink taste in the starting, he forced to take for fun and slowly he tuned his body to get used to that. For him weekend means drink and that is the enjoyment to live.

So I dont agree with that sentence. Please let mathaji know this is the motive behind his drink . After drink he will nt sleep and continue only with drinking for 24 hrs without having water n food in btn. Next day 50% activities he wont remember what he did.
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  Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova > Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:31pm
  
  Vedic physiology says like this, i do not create it myself. Hundreds of people left drinking when wife started to be as like a woman with her husband. Every day we need some doze of love. We get that from food, relationships, or from God. People who get that doze from God they are not interested much in lovers sources of love so they easily give them up. But those who are not getting that love from the association with God will look to it in lower things like food and ordinary living beings
  
  when one cannot take love from ordinary living beings he starts to drink smoke
  
  because soul needs love. Soul needs always to be happy.
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  Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova > Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:31pm
  
  Since they are not reliazed and not known about the vedic things, i feel their thinking might be like that. But atleast now she will get to know and understand from your lines.Instead of fighting for the happened issues. It will be better if she start doing something which she can do now.From my parents side, they feel after started to love in collage days. My brother started this drinking habbit. I hear from both sides but i cannot say anything. Simply i pray god. But from now i will do extra rounds and dedicate the results to both of them.At this moment i feel why i am born to hear all these sufferings. I really dont want to born in this world again. For that i will try my best.
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  Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova > Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:31pm
  
  My brother believe in god some 50 % to 60 %.whom he beleave i dont know. But he is against of Krishna. She says he cant accept krishna as the supreme lord. He know that i am following krishna... so he always tell my sis in law about me that why they are that much into it like that. He is such ignorant. In this situation how she can perform her kc sadhanas at home. will he allow her to do? She said she will pray but without revealing that she pray Krishna name. Is it the right way to do?
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  Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova > Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:32pm
  
  my humble obeisances dear Mataji, All glories to Srila Prabhupada! Even if he does not accept Krishna he will for sure accept wonderful Prasadam of His, doesn't he?! Plus she and You have to start to wish all the best for Your brother. Just start to pray for him daily. Praying God for his well being. Wife should pray to Krishna to protect her husband. She can observe ekadashis and dedicate results for him. When You start to wish good to other person you will start to love that person and when you love you never hurt but be polite and will have desire to serve. That selfless service concurs and melts hearts. So what is the service that wife can render to her husband? There were gandharvas in heaven wife and husband. But once they were cursed to take birth on Earth. So husband became a man eater by that curse so wife did not left him but she tried her best to help her husband. He was not simple drunkard but he used to kill men and eat their flesh. So horrible was he. But she remained faithful and respectful. At the same time did austerities and dedicate results to her husband. As a result sins of her husband were washed away and they went back to heaven. So this desire for doing sinful things comes sinful karma. So when we do proper austerities like chanting, Ekadashi...sins are washed away and person will have pure desires.
  
  So she should not force him to accept Krishna as God. Let it be. Wife never teaches husband in that way. But she has to show her dependence on him that she needs his protection, care. That she loves him so much. She has to say such like things if needed daily. She has to appreciate with heart and words what husband does for example if he works very hard to provide family so she has to thank him and say that what would she without him. ... When man feels that he is needed to someone then he won't go to bad friends. Because at home he does not take enough attention and care he longs for outside.
  
  She can chant when he is at work, but be very kind, care taking, when he comes home. And make Prasadam ready till he comes home. Wash his clothes, speak only sweet words....these are the tools with which wife can win the heart of her husband and change him and make from him a real man.
  
  Your servant
- Volunteer
  
  Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova > Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:33pm
  
  My Humble obeisances to you. All glories to srila prabhupada.Thank you so very much for taking time to reply me.Yesterday my brother has come to consciousness and says he will never repeat this again.Though he say the same everytime.he say to trust him for this last time and All his experiements were over on his body and no more he can do he says.And says he reliazed how much her wife is suffering for his behaviour and he will quit non veg.He says he need spirituality now.Daily he want to pray to God.But dont know whether he will keep this or not. My sis in law says all your suggestions were nice..more i can say she reliazed about krishna now.she is going to help him by praying to Lord by dedicating the results. As you said we will never force him to pray krishna only. But we pray for Lord so much for his good behaviour and to become resposible in his family.
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Mohini Madhavi dd Maral Alymova November 14, 2013 at 2:29pm

Hare krishna mathaji, I am crying here so much after reading this reply. I will forward this message to my sister in law now. So i now beleave we can chant and do more rounds for anyone. I will also do more rounds for my brother and his family life.

Mathaji my sister in law is very very thankful to you. She says what you have told is right. And she said she will stop eating non veg from today. And she want to follow all of them as you said. We will fully depend on Krishna now. Do what ever is possible from our side. And hope Krishna will shower His mercy on my dear brother. I love them so much. If i hear anything about them. I couldnt able to concentrate. I simply cry cry for Lord.

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