Hare Krishna Mataji.
Pamho
My question is related to my marriage. Me and my fiancé is in KC since last 3 years. We both are very old friends. I met him through orkut and from there our relationship starts. That time we were not in KC, it was later on my fiancé came in touch with some devotees and enter into KC. When we met, at that time we were not that mature to understand or to differentiate what we should do or what we should not. We just know that we are in love. But I am really greatful to Krishna that he send him into my life, just because of him I am in KC. Infact after coming into KC ,we started giving more respect to each other. We understand the purpose of life and our love for each other increased more and our family is also agreed for our marriage. As such there is no problem in our life. We are happy with each other, we respect and care for each other, and now we both have one goal of life that is to contribute in the movement of Srila Prabhupada. I am just having one doubt that I want to share with you. I am 3 years elder then my prbhuji. I have read many article of Srila Prabhupada in which he said that a wife should be younger then his husband and there are many practical and genuine reasons for this and ideally a wife should be younger then her husband. But in our case its opposite. On our part we are convinced that we are going to spend our life together and we don't have any problem with this issue. May be physically I am elder then him but actually he is much much mature then me. I consider him as my mentor. In our relationship of 5 years I have never realized that I am elder then him. My concern is, will that be acceptable. Because according to scriptures this is not right. I know you must be finding me very silly but this thing is in my mind since very long time and I had no one with whom I can discuss this. I still remember that once I have told one of my Mataji friend that he is younger then me and I still remember the reaction of that mataji. Because of this I sometime feels very insecure that right now prabhu ji is saying that he does not have anyy problem but may be later on this thing might influence him also. Please help me.
Your Servent
Replies
Haribol!!
Thank you so much Rashmi Mataji and Bhaktin Maral Mataji for all your valuable suggestions.
I still have no idea that how this doubt came into my mind. But now because of your help everything is clear. He is actually my first mentor in KC also he is capable of taking all the responsibility. He is a very sincere devotee. I never thought in my life that i am superior to him. I consider myself as subordinate to him. He is far far senior to me in devotional life.
Please pray for me so that i can always serve my husband with lot of love, care and with keeping krishna always in center.
Thanks a lot matajis
Your Servent
Jyoti
it seems jyoti is very clean by her heart and dats why shae got this doubt ..only simple people like u will think like this I liked the answers given by bhaktin maral and rashmi khaitan mataji
Hare Krishna dear Jyoti Mataji, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Even if girl is little older than a boy couple can marry IF girl accepts a husband as a protector, maintainer, as You told mentor or teacher, ...which means girl should take herself a submissive position.
It is true there are very intelligent and mature boys.
Both of my elder sisters married to boys who were 3-4 years younger than them.
But they accept their husbands as a senior in their families. So it is the main thing but not the age of a material body.
Of course it may happen that if girl is too old than a boy then she may get old little earlier than man and loose her beauty ....but 3 years is not so much. If You take care of Your health nicely then You can remain young and fit for a longer period.
According to shashtras age category is judged by:
1. By physical age - among sudras and other lower castes
2. Ashram in which on is - brahmachari, grihastha, vanaprastha or sannyasi - of course the last one is senior to others.
3. By knowledge - if one is having more knowledge then he is considered as a senior than those who do not have so much.
4. By the time of initiation - if one gets initiation before me it means he or she is senior than me.
So here You may decide that let Your friend get spiritual initiation little earlier than You. So he will be considered as a senior.
5. By renunciation - if one is more renounced than us than he is senior to us.
6. By material status - if one is a doctor and i am a simple shop keeper than doctor is considered as a senior to me. Or else brahmana is senior to other kshatriyas, vaishyas....
7. The amount of faith and love one is having for God - Krishna.
If one is a pure Devotee no matter he is 4- or 40 he is considered the most senior among all humans who are not pure Devotees.
Your servant,
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
Pls do not get these doubts in your head. In todays world, finding a partner is itself a challenge and that too, a situation where both of you are in KC. That is very rare. Do not give up what you have for some fear lurking in the mind. If your marraige has to go sour, then whoever you marry, it can happen. As of now, you both are sure of each other, so go ahead. If you are getting the kind of reaction you described, then its best not to discuss or let it be public knowledge the age factor in your marraige. It doesnt matter - KC or not, you both have to make the marraige work, in this material world. Marraige is a relationship on the material platform and we have to work towards making it work.
The trick is to keep Krsna in the centre of the relationship. Then you will be able to resolve major or minor issues which are bound to arise in your marraige. Try to chant together. Give each other time and space to complete the rounds daily. If one partner has not completed the rounds today, then the other partner should encourage and gently nudge that partner to complete the rounds and then only go to sleep.
Try to go to the temple together. If it is not convenient for one partner, then the other should also wait forthat partner and try to do some KC activity at home only. Read SP books together. Do aratis together. Listen to lectures together. Pray to Krsna that your partner should never be more important to you than Krsna. Ask your partner to do the same. That way, a certain level of detachment will be there in the relationship which is healthy.
I am giving you my personal views. I hope I have not offended you or anybody else in the process.
Haribol,
Your humble servant,
Rashmi
Thank You dear Rashmi Mataji, for giving Your time to help to others!