Basically mataji, I am having a very hard time.Be it in Krsna consciousness or materially.Materially, there are so much of things bothering me. I wanted to enter a local university to become a teacher.Being a teacher has always been somewhat of a passion for me. Unfortunately, my applications keep getting rejected.I keep facing rejections after rejections.I've been working meanwhile to keep up with the finances. I do not exactly come from a well-to-do family.I've been paying for many things by myself. And this current job that I am in,isn't something that I can stand going to. Though it's temporary,I cannot imagine staying for a few more months. The enviroment is so karmic and full of materialism.And above all,this is not where I want to be.This isnt something I love doing. Spiritually speaking,when I say it's hard to be KC, I mean that. Daily,it's hard for me to get prasadam.I'm the only KC and veg in my family.I'm the youngest...can you imagine being 21 and having to work,hoping with all your heart to face academic success,coming home to cook for myself,trying to chant and trying to keep myself Krsna Conscious? No one in my family understand hw it's like to be KC,they arent very supportive.I'm the youngest in the family,only girl with two older brothers. I wanted to go to Bhaktivedanta school to teach but my parents disallowed me from doing so.Everytime i want to do seva,they're not very supportive. I feel helpless.I give up. Materially, I've decided to leave everything up to Krsna and I know that requires patience but sometimes that's hard when nothing comes to you. Spiritually,what do I do?I dont even knw.
If you are earning, then are you not contributing to the house - then why family members are not taking care of your needs (veg food etc)?
What you have described is indeed hard and you are quite young also. If you want to be a teacher and your applications keep getting rejected, would it be possible to find out why it is getting rejected - as in, are they looking for more qualification, location, subject? First step is to find out reason for rejection and second step is to work towards removing each and every reason.
You should also study so that you are accepted in teh teaching profession. I dont think you would have got a B Ed yet, right?
Regarding work place being too materialistic, that is how all work places are. If you do not like it at all, can you look for another job? Or can you take tuitions of younger children to tide over the financial crisis at your end. I dont know details, therefore unable to give concrete suggestions.
Regarding spirituality - it is very difficult - you have to be firm with your chanting, the rest will follow. I will advise you to watch TV with your family, go for outings with them so that they also feel you are normal. You can be firm that you will have only jain food outside, that much they should be able to adjust. Do reading of Gita every day for half an hour if you have the time. YOu will get strength and direction both. That is it, you do nto need to do any other spiritual activity as of now.
Best thing for you would be to get married to a devotee boy and get out of that house. Then life will be much simpler for you. Since your older siblings are brothers, then you are the oldest girl in your family of marraigable age? Where are you located? Ask in the local temple if they have a functional marraige bearue and give your bio data there.
Anyways, you are taking care of yourself, nobody in family is helping you. So maybe getting another family - in laws, who will be demanding (all inlaws are demanding in India), you will atleast be able to chant and follow 4 in peace.
Haribol,
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actually mataji,
It happens in the path of kc........I can only say U better don't give up and struggle.......KRISHNA knows all things whether gud or bad'we must not forget him......advancing in path of spritualism also includes how we fight aginst adversities fulfilling all duties and at the same time not forhetting krishna......even if u are not able to prasadam or chant regularly.........u always hv the geeta with u.......it's krishna' blessing and curer of all troubles.......if it is high time for us to focus on karmic duties......we should not escape from it;mere kirtans won't make us suffient strong rather all all bhakti practices and struggles in life will ultimately make our belief firm and firm.......and even regarding marriage,krishna is the "RISHIKESH"-the knower of all hearts and he can even turn an athiest into a devotee............................Just hold tight and pray to krishna
Dear Mataji,
Can You do job lesser hours? 4 or 6?
So You could have time for other things like proper cooking and chanting, reading?
It is not the duty of a girl to maintain the family financially. There are two brothers and maybe father so let them do their duties, no?!
If You work little lesser hours then You will have time even to cook not only for yourself but also for Your family members. Why not?
For example, when i visited home for one month i did not do job. But all others were doing job so they used to eat low quality food buying all ready made stuffs from outside.
So i decided to take charge of the kitchen. I cooked breakfast, lunch dinner, clean up the house etc...
Not simple lunches but many sweet items like cakes, cookies, samosas....
so to the end of the month my 200% karmi brother told my mom not to allow me to go to India but stay at home. He told that he will share his salary with me but let me cook :)))
another sister who was almost an atheist started to call me as "Krishnya"
...so please don't force Your self to do extra job outside and become frustrated but give much attention to Your homely duties.
Of course needed education you get. Study well, take certificates but perfect Your self in household things.
Also You can attend dance, music classes. Why not?
Ask Your brothers to help You financially. You wash for them they will help You financially...
So please be little bit intelligent. Use Your feminine weakness and that will be Your main power.
Your servant,