Marriage With A Senior Foreigner?

One of my devotee friend is an Indian mataji 30year old and she is currently in United states. There is a prabhu who wants to marry her who is around 17 years elder to her and of foreign origin(most likely from the US) but she says he is a very advanced devotee and been in the movement since 23 years.

I have seen your good replies regardign grihasta asram - my friend is in dilemma. She very much gets inspired by him but since he is 17yrs older to her and also of a foreign origin she is hesitating.

What is your opinion mataji?

Really don't know how to give exact advice.

If say no then she is 30 now, if she does not marry then these days it is very difficult to find a Devotee man also.

But if she marries then again 17 years difference is little bit too much.

But love does not know bonds. If one is in love with other person then even if he is older for 20 years one will marry. It is because of qualities.

BUT

she has to think of kids.

If she is 30 then he is already 47 then what about kids?

Is he ready to maintain kids working hard?

And why he wants to get married at this age?

Does he do job to maintain the family?

...please let she practical sides.

Or else i know matajis who married to very senior people.

But if i was she i would not do that.

Because i want my kids to be with their father for a long term at least they reach their 20 years.

But at the same time her age is also getting little more...

Please, let she listen her heart, discuss with seniors, and then take decisions.

It is enough serious subject.

Your servant

Hare Krsna Mataji,

PAMHO.

She should also get horoscopes matched by an expert. If it doesnt match, then she should not go ahead. If it matches, then she should do proper background study of this senior devotee. Your friend should consult a senior devotee couple, who she can trust and who know her well and can advise her. Like what Bhaktin Maral Mataji pointed out, why this senior devotee wants to marry at such an advanced age. She should be very clear about whether she wants kids, whether the prabhu wants kids and whether and how he plans to support the family. Who will bring the finances into the family, how and how the money will be spent should be discussed beforehand.

She should not get married thinking I am 30, no chance of finding another proposal, let me marry the first guy who has come along. We all have our individual criteria of what is important to us and where we are willing to compromise. This is a very personal thing and only she should work on it. She should list down her criteria for a partner on paper and rank each of the criteria in terms of how important it is to her. Then she should see how much of these criteria this prabhu is able to fulfill.

If there is a huge gap in the spiritual levels of both the people, then also there is problem. She should be able to communicate with this prabhu and he should be able to understand her.If he is more advanced, then atleast she should understand his need for spiritual activities and give him space to do so. That she has to judge, will she be able to do so? They both have to be very clear about waht they expect from the marraige - and from each other.

She should examine her current lifestyle and what it will become after marraige with this prabhu and decide whether she is willing to make the adjustments.

My personal opinion is that there has to be a basic level of attraction also between the two, otherwise no point in getting married. Thats why she needs the help of the senior couple who will be able to tell her or guide her about whether to go ahead or not at each step.

At the end of my mail, I think I have not given you any answer at all. Actually, nobody can answer this question except she herself. She has to set her criteria and she has to decide what she wants to do.

Last but not the least, she should pray very sincerely to Prabhupada and to Krsna to guide her in this most important decision of her life and whatever decision unfolds, she should then accept it as the verdict of God and Guru without questioning.

Haribol,

Your servant,

Rashmi

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E-Counselor

Radha Rasamayi DD February 13, 2014 at 2:47pm

Hare Krsna Mataji,

PAMHO.

She should also get horoscopes matched by an expert. If it doesnt match, then she should not go ahead. If it matches, then she should do proper background study of this senior devotee. Your friend should consult a senior devotee couple, who she can trust and who know her well and can advise her. Like what Bhaktin Maral Mataji pointed out, why this senior devotee wants to marry at such an advanced age. She should be very clear about whether she wants kids, whether the prabhu wants kids and whether and how he plans to support the family. Who will bring the finances into the family, how and how the money will be spent should be discussed beforehand.

She should not get married thinking I am 30, no chance of finding another proposal, let me marry the first guy who has come along. We all have our individual criteria of what is important to us and where we are willing to compromise. This is a very personal thing and only she should work on it. She should list down her criteria for a partner on paper and rank each of the criteria in terms of how important it is to her. Then she should see how much of these criteria this prabhu is able to fulfill.

If there is a huge gap in the spiritual levels of both the people, then also there is problem. She should be able to communicate with this prabhu and he should be able to understand her.If he is more advanced, then atleast she should understand his need for spiritual activities and give him space to do so. That she has to judge, will she be able to do so? They both have to be very clear about waht they expect from the marraige - and from each other.

She should examine her current lifestyle and what it will become after marraige with this prabhu and decide whether she is willing to make the adjustments.

My personal opinion is that there has to be a basic level of attraction also between the two, otherwise no point in getting married. Thats why she needs the help of the senior couple who will be able to tell her or guide her about whether to go ahead or not at each step.

At the end of my mail, I think I have not given you any answer at all. Actually, nobody can answer this question except she herself. She has to set her criteria and she has to decide what she wants to do.

Last but not the least, she should pray very sincerely to Prabhupada and to Krsna to guide her in this most important decision of her life and whatever decision unfolds, she should then accept it as the verdict of God and Guru without questioning.

Haribol,

Your servant,

Rashmi
Volunteer

Mohini Madhavi February 12, 2014 at 11:37am

Also how much would it matter if mataji is Indian Origin and prabhu is foreigner? from west.

Are there such marriages in ISKCON that lasted ?

yes i know some of such marriages. They are living happily.

The main thing is we have similar goals; plans; eating styles; dress codes; ...

we want to interview some of such couples. So in near future if You remind me of follow IDT Youtube channel You can learn more about it.

Your servant,

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