marraying devotee.

Hare Krsna Mataji,

PAMHO.

What you have mentioned is very common problem faced by girls in ISKCON. First hurdle is to convince parents that you want to marry a devotee, then start looking for a devotee, at that time you will come across all kinds of cartoons in the garb of devotee and people will actually be trying to convince you to marry such a person simply because he is a devotee, then finally find someone compatible and then settling down with that devotee is a different ball game altogether.

Look, this path is not easy and I have the firm belief that whoever devotee girl marries a devotee boy, it is the mercy of guru and gauranga.

First hurdle is how to convince parents that you have to marry a devotee only. Bhaktin Maral mataji has given very good practical guidelines. If you do not have 4-5 years to convince them, as in they will not wait so long and find someone before that only, then you tell parents that while you are open to non-devotee (just to get a buy in from them for now), you would also like to explore the possibility of devotee groom. There are web sites - marryadevotee.com, grihasta.com that you could register in with your details and photogragh. YOu could approach your local ISKCON temple with your bio data and ask if they have a functioning marraige bearue there. If not, then you could find out who is taking care of youth girls and approach that mataji, approach your temple president and his wife and some senior devotee couples.

When you approach anyone for looking for a match for you, you have to be very clear about some things. This is very personal - make your list (note down) of what is your criteria for marraige - what kind of person you would like to marry. You will realise that all you want is actually EVERYTHING. Then you start giving weightage to each criteria. Come down to the most imperative requirements - without any one of which qualities you cannot adjust. In my case, for instance, it was no smoking, no drinking, no non veg. If there is any one of these, I could not even look at the proposal. It could be community, caste, education, money - all these are separate criteria apart from devotion. Dont get any romanticised idea in your mind that all you want is a devotee, you will adjust to anything. You cannot. You are used to certain lifestyle, certain comforts which you take for granted, need not be there for you when you marry a devotee. So be honest with yourself - what is of utmost importance to you, figure that out and stick to it that you want it.

Another very effective way of narrowing down proposals is to match horoscopes, it gives a lot of comfort to know that the prospect and you are compatible without the hassle of 'getting to know each other'.

Actually this is a huge topic. I will tell you as and when you need to know. The mail is becoming too long. Just this weekend I was lecturing IIT students (most of them are doing PhD) that they should marry devotee girls and not from their community and then force them to become devotee after marraige.

Nobody knows where they will land up - pray very fervently to Krsna and to Srila Prabhupada. It is very effective. Parents will see your devotion and be bound to look for a devotee for you.

My father stopped looking for me 2 years before I got married. He was convinced only a devotee can tolerate me (his words). He did not let me take initiation because that may be a hindrance in marraige. Still, I got Srila PRabhupada's and Radha Madhav, Sri Sri Jagannath's mercy and got married to a 2nd initiated devotee.

Best of luck,

Keep in touch,

Haribol,

Your servant,

Rashmi

Hare Krishna dear Mataji, my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

Can You please tell what is Your age?

Maybe Your parents are right. What if You mean time practice Your sadhana nicely and search for a bonafide Guru? Then accept initiation from him?

And slowly, slowly by seeing Your good qualities, Your humility and respect towards Your parents Your parents would also respect Your choices, no?!

My mother was against my KC, but now she wants me to get married only to a Devotee of ISKCON.

Because she understood that Devotee are the best of people; that they do not drink, smoke, do not leave wife to other women; ....

But it took 4-5 years to make her understand these things.

So please, be patient.

And search for a Guru. Maybe You can hear the lectures here http://audio.iskcondesiretree.info/

And get initiation; slowly Krishna will arrange Your marriage with a Devotee and make Your parents to accept it.

Your servant,

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E-Counselor

Radha Rasamayi DD August 11, 2014 at 11:11am

Hare Krsna Mataji,

PAMHO.

What you have mentioned is very common problem faced by girls in ISKCON. First hurdle is to convince parents that you want to marry a devotee, then start looking for a devotee, at that time you will come across all kinds of cartoons in the garb of devotee and people will actually be trying to convince you to marry such a person simply because he is a devotee, then finally find someone compatible and then settling down with that devotee is a different ball game altogether.

Look, this path is not easy and I have the firm belief that whoever devotee girl marries a devotee boy, it is the mercy of guru and gauranga.

First hurdle is how to convince parents that you have to marry a devotee only. Bhaktin Maral mataji has given very good practical guidelines. If you do not have 4-5 years to convince them, as in they will not wait so long and find someone before that only, then you tell parents that while you are open to non-devotee (just to get a buy in from them for now), you would also like to explore the possibility of devotee groom. There are web sites - marryadevotee.com, grihasta.com that you could register in with your details and photogragh. YOu could approach your local ISKCON temple with your bio data and ask if they have a functioning marraige bearue there. If not, then you could find out who is taking care of youth girls and approach that mataji, approach your temple president and his wife and some senior devotee couples.

When you approach anyone for looking for a match for you, you have to be very clear about some things. This is very personal - make your list (note down) of what is your criteria for marraige - what kind of person you would like to marry. You will realise that all you want is actually EVERYTHING. Then you start giving weightage to each criteria. Come down to the most imperative requirements - without any one of which qualities you cannot adjust. In my case, for instance, it was no smoking, no drinking, no non veg. If there is any one of these, I could not even look at the proposal. It could be community, caste, education, money - all these are separate criteria apart from devotion. Dont get any romanticised idea in your mind that all you want is a devotee, you will adjust to anything. You cannot. You are used to certain lifestyle, certain comforts which you take for granted, need not be there for you when you marry a devotee. So be honest with yourself - what is of utmost importance to you, figure that out and stick to it that you want it.

Another very effective way of narrowing down proposals is to match horoscopes, it gives a lot of comfort to know that the prospect and you are compatible without the hassle of 'getting to know each other'.

Actually this is a huge topic. I will tell you as and when you need to know. The mail is becoming too long. Just this weekend I was lecturing IIT students (most of them are doing PhD) that they should marry devotee girls and not from their community and then force them to become devotee after marraige.

Nobody knows where they will land up - pray very fervently to Krsna and to Srila Prabhupada. It is very effective. Parents will see your devotion and be bound to look for a devotee for you.

My father stopped looking for me 2 years before I got married. He was convinced only a devotee can tolerate me (his words). He did not let me take initiation because that may be a hindrance in marraige. Still, I got Srila PRabhupada's and Radha Madhav, Sri Sri Jagannath's mercy and got married to a 2nd initiated devotee.

Best of luck,

Keep in touch,

Haribol,

Your servant,

Rashmi
Volunteer

Mohini Madhavi August 11, 2014 at 9:27am

Hare Krishna dear Mataji, my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

Can You please tell what is Your age?

Maybe Your parents are right. What if You mean time practice Your sadhana nicely and search for a bonafide Guru? Then accept initiation from him?

And slowly, slowly by seeing Your good qualities, Your humility and respect towards Your parents Your parents would also respect Your choices, no?!

My mother was against my KC, but now she wants me to get married only to a Devotee of ISKCON.

Because she understood that Devotee are the best of people; that they do not drink, smoke, do not leave wife to other women; ....

But it took 4-5 years to make her understand these things.

So please, be patient.

And search for a Guru. Maybe You can hear the lectures here http://audio.iskcondesiretree.info/

And get initiation; slowly Krishna will arrange Your marriage with a Devotee and make Your parents to accept it.

Your servant,

This reply was deleted.

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