During my early days in KC i used to cry for krishna unknowingly while doing japa
But now a days i increased my chanting rounds but unable to meditate on krishna completely:(
Early days we are very attentive because of that we felt so much taste for the Holy Names. But when we have it for little longer period we loose the sense of value of what we are having.
So it is inattention. And when we are inattentive Krishna - Holy Name becomes unhappy for us so He does not allow us to feel His taste. So we suffer.
Solution is again try to be attentive and respectful to a Supreme Person - Holy Name.
for better understanding dear Mataji, please try to keep Yourself in the association of those who are seriously chanting the Holy Names and read some articles here: http://harekrishnajapa.com/
Your servant,
Replies
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
I can completely relate to what you have written. Initially, the feeling and sense of urgency, sincerity I had, its not happening anymore. It reminds me of the story of Narada Muni. In his last birth, when he started to pray, he got a glimpse of the lord and then he went mad trying to look at the form of the lord again. Its like Krsna shows us how far we can go ahead and then He takes away that feeling from us, now we have to work hard to get it back again.
Like Bhaktin Maral Mataji rightly suggested, please follow the ABCD of devotion - Association of devotees, reading of Books like Bhagavad Gita & Srimad Bhagawatam, Chanting and Diet - eating only Krsna prasadam. It will help. You may need to still work hard at acheiving what you could so easily achieve earlier, but still you will understand that you are progressing and your anarthas are reducing.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi