Hare Krishna, My dear devotees, Please accept my most humble obeisances.
I am a new devotee, I met KC throught my father in 2014. I am university student.
I am chanting japa, keep 4 regulative principle, but I think I also have so many sinful desire.
My japa is always bad, I just do that because I should do, there is no any taste and I don't like to chant.
When I associate with devotees I am full of enthusiastic,but I can't keep my enthusiasm for a long time.
I trust all these things real /about God, material nature, the power of Maha mantra and devotional service/ but maybe I am not prefer to do these things. I have so many devotee friends, I love them I also love my father, I don't want them worry but I can't find any happiness in devotional service. Maybe I should not find happiness just to all things for Krishna's pleasure. But I am not purified, I still have sinful desires, I do not that because bound of my devotee friends and my father. I am divided person let me know, how I can become real devotee? How can I taste something during my japa? No any taste it's ok, but how to deal with my negative thought of japa? just like Oh, again japa time, I dont like this.
I believe If I chant better than now, my sinful desires will destroy. My sinful desires: go to night club, drink alchohol I did not do these things, why I should not just try all these things? I have such thoughts some days. Please instruct me. I don't want that sinful desires control my mind, body and life.
sincerely,
someone who wanna be your eternal servant of the servant
Replies
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
PAMHO.
From your mail, I didn't see anything about reading/ hearing lecture. Maybe a dose of philosophy will help. You need to do all 4 - Association of devotees, read Books, Chant, Diet of Krsna prasadam only. If you do these ABCD of devotion, then you will surely develop taste.
Regarding drinking alcohol, have you ever tasted? I heard it is very bad taste. Initially people hate it. Only later they develop a taste for it. I will describe to you one scene I witnessed - I went to a night club once with a couple friend. There was an entry charge in that club - one had to pay something per head, then only they will let you enter. You can set it off against food and drinks. So the moment we entered, the place was dark, blaring music was going on, disco lights blinking, the place was smelling of food, drinks and puke. Someone had been puking, the smell remained because of AC. The place was dark, so you cant see where it is dirty. People are drinking, smoking, eating, dancing in that environment. I was so so disgusted, all I wanted to do was get out. My friend stopped me saying the cover charge. So I ended up being there - no place to sit also and standing, waiting for the cover charge to get over. Finally, at 2.00 am, we got out of there, and I was so relieved. All the while I was thinking - where is enjoyment in all this?
Next scene, I am in the temple, dancing to kirtan in arati, it is very nicely lit, smelling of incense, camphor and other auspicious things. The place may be crowded, it is still neat and clean. This dancing is so blissful, because we are dancing for the pleasure of the lord. Never mind that we don't know how to dance, we are still accepted by Krsna for our desire to dance for His pleasure. Isnt that wonderful?
My purpose of describing my experience to you is to let you know the difference between the two. I was not even seeking to go to a nightclub and ended up being there. Once you have tasted the mahamantra, the other taste is really worthless.
How to taste the mahamantra? Maybe you get up in the morning early and chant your committed rounds prabhu. I suggest you start with 4 rounds, make it a point to chant daily without fail for the next 6 months. Then you review - examine your thoughts as on today, and as on 6 months later. Once you realise how the mahamantra helps/ changes you, you will never leave chanting. That is only taste.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD