Consider me as your brother before reading this. Mataji coming to the matter, I am married to a devotee girl for 5 years and have one child with her. From the day of my marriage I started changing my self for good. I stopped eating onion, garlic,meat and everything that is not acceptable in KC. I argued with everone, my parents and relatives on selected way of life style. I started chanting 16 rounds. But my problem is I cant remember things and dont find interest in reading books, because of this I dont have much knowledge of bhagwadam, BG etc. Now the problem is from day 1 of our marriage my wife looks down upon me considering me the neophyte for the lifetime as she compares me with her family members who are initiated. She takes all the decisions of our personal life based on the suggestions of her family members and I dont mind as I consider them to be knowledgeable. She dont care for my parents and even she didnt spend atleast one week in our house in all these years, whenever she comes to India she stays with her parents and consider my family has neophytes. Till today my parents havent said single word against her as they fear of her rich family. Financially my family is poor compared to her family. She and her parents think that they have shown mercy by accepting me as their son-in-law as they are rich and we poor. Coming to my background ,I did my post graduation and had many other offers for marriage and I took the first offer considering her to be devotee. Now the problem has become serious when she didn't even attend the funeral of my father and now she took one month leave and going to vrindavan with her parents and sister. I strongly told her to come for the first year ceremony of my father but she neglected my words and went with her sister and brother-in-law to vrindavan both of whom are initiated devotees. She always compares me with her brother-in-law who is earning good and initiated more over she is attracted to him and always glorify him to hurt me. She is always in angry mood with me and when I tell her to keep safe distance from men she gets agitated. She told me on my face that she is earning more and because of her I am settled in foreign country and she is independent. I am very depressed as I couldnt help my parents and with wife who doesnt even care me. I feel lonely and feel that I may go mad in near future with frequent insults and neglegence from my wife.I feel like commiting suicide but at the same time have no guts to do it, Iam stuck between life and death. I dont want to live with her and at the same time have fear accruing bad name for leave her. What about my kid what will he think about me, I want to be a good father and I love him so much. As a woman kindly give me a suggestion mataji, I am completely heart broken with this women and thinking of divorcing her. Eagerly waiting for your reply.

I read Your message yesterday but since i considered myself not qualified to answer for it or guide You - senior gentle man, thought to write to a very senior Devotee lecturer from Russia. Who trains people in family life, relationships according to Vedic culture.

And for my surprise such busy Devotee replied to my mail. 

And also Your case was so serious, still it is.

So that senior Devotee HG Ruslan Narusheivich told that situation is difficult, might be wife likes some other man. But it is not a fact. Please, be patient...

Even if she does so, it is not the end of life. Might be she is more interested in spirituality that she does not have desire to perform the role of a wife...

We do not know what is the truth. But we know Your feeling as Your wrote about them.

So again telling I am not one who can give advices. But still as my Brother let me try my best.

For some days i also felt some of my friends being dis respectful with me. I used to speak to her something when so many people are around she used to act as if she does not hear me. Or speak in Hindi about me to others and laugh on some of my actions. 

And even with her actions tell me that i am an out caste but she is pure - born in India...

So i felt so so so much pain in my heart. And thought "how by doing such like things one can live life? If one is brining pain to others how much pain he will bring to Krishna within the heart of that person????" 

I felt so much pain. 

Visited some other friends. And felt they also be non friendly and consider me as an outsider. ...

so could not understand what was going on these days?

Why it is so?

How can i please all and everyone at a time?

In which way i behave so that everyone at a time give respect to me???

So those pains helped me today in Mangala Arati at Radha Gopinath Temple to take shelter of Gopinath. While sining Mangala Arati i prayed to Lord, that i do not have anyone in this world other than You my Lord!

No matter how one behaves with others still one cannot please all. Because people are selfish. But only selfless and true Friend is You! Please at least You do not neglect me-Your servant!

NONE in this world can become my true friend. NONE. 

So it is very important we do not depend on love of ordinary people, be them Devotees in the form of our wife, children, friends...because they also are conditioned souls. They also have faults. They are also struggling to become pure but still with so many defects in heart.

And the source of our unhappiness is that we wait for something from others.

We need respect, honor from others.

And Lord Chaitanya says that this mood of waiting for something in return is the source of suffering.

So we know trinad api sunichena taror iva sahishnuna...

So i understood that people disrespect me because i did so in one of my previous lives. 

So now washing my karma. 

So i prayed Lord to help those people who dislike me and make them happy.

And trying not to depend on others as a source of love-Krishna is the Only Person whom i can trust my heart fully.

And IF Krishna is pleased everyone, EVERYONE, EVERYONE will be pleased and nice with us.

As we know from Mahabharata. 

So please go to a senior Devotee and open Your heart to him.

And take Krishna's Holy Names very seriously Prabhu. Also forgive Your wife for her disrespectful actions and pray for her. 

Also another important thing is:

SIT WITH HER IN PROPER TIME AND EXPLAIN YOUR SITUATION. Explain that sometimes You feel disrespect from her side and that makes You angry. Explain that You like her to be patient with You in sadhana that very soon You will catch her up. 

Explain that if she behaves further like this You cannot stay with her. 

And start to instruct her. Woman love when one teaches them with nice words not with anger. 

Women love their teachers. So You start to instruct her and give advices. Maybe tell how to put furniture in the home in this way in that way. Small small instructions with love like "Dear, my beautiful one, the most beautiful one, do this and that"

Give flower to her. 

if You come late to Your home before You call her and tell that You are coming late today.

Tell how wonderfully she cooks.

Notice her new lipstick color, hairstyle.

And the main thing is talk to her and hear her. 

Women need emotional help from husband. 

But PLEASE DO NOT SHOW YOUR INSECURITY TO HER. Let she feel herself very secure in Your hand. Every evening embrace her, glorify her qualities.

You have to become a protector for her. 

In Vaishnava etiquette usually junior person opens his heart and weaknesses to a senior one. But not senior one to a junior one. 

If senior one shows his weakness to a junior one, the last feels very insecure. The last was taking shelter of the senior but now know weaknesses of that senior and feels fear.

So try to hear her, ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT HER. 

Usually man gets his karma washed with external things like hard job, traveling...but woman gets her karma in mind. Many times women suffer in mind. Every second they might have different mood.

So husband should understand that and never scold her for being not in mood. He should understand that for this time she is having her bad periods in her karma and try to help her by hearing her talks. She will tell how she is scared of so many things, she will tell about her angers to others, so many problems in home...

so husband's duty is to listen to her and tell ok let's do this and that and give suggestions taking senior position. 

Seeing woman as a child.

---

She is going to Vrindavan then make sure that she is safe.

Call her when she is in the train and ask if she feels secure. Ask her cousin brother or whoever is going with her to take nice care of her so that no one bring pain to her. 

And another thing is for a husband it is very important the next thing:

He should take care of the next people in the next priority:

1. wife - she should be taken care first.

2. wife's family - when You married to her it means You married to all women - like mother in law, mother of mother in law ...so You have to be like a protector to them also. 

3. and in the third place Your own parents. In the reality when wife sees that You are taking so nice care of her and her parents than she will automatically take care of Your parents. 

So please keep this in mind!

And again women like when man protects them and leads in life BUT with love and care.

Please forgive me i spoke so much!

Your sister servant,