Father Is Bad - I Want Justice - Anonymous Questions & Answers - ISKCON Desire Tree

Both my parents are short tempered, more of my father,he is very impatient man & gets angry at the drop of the hat if things do not go according to his will.He starts using bad words & scolding my mother.I do not like this & I am unable to tolerate his bad mouthed words when its neither my mother's fault nor mine.

Anything that goes wrong,it has to be my mother or me who has to take the blame.I cannot bear this.He is not a responsible man,he has not contributed much to the family.

He will not take initiative in anything,he leads life as it comes with no aim & if things go wrong,the blame is put on my mother who has taken the responsibility of bringing me up.

When I am unable to bear his behaviour I scream at him hoping that he will change but he continues to do the same.For this I get scolding from my mother for disrespecting my father.

I am unable to bear the injustice done to my mother & me by destiny.

When I see other fathers loving their wife & children,I feel he should also do the same & this hurts me & I cry.

I know it is sin to use bad mouthed words to our parents but I unable to endure his behavior.

Please help me control my temper in situations like.

No, No and No!

You are doing completely wrong!

Father is a representative of God!

If girl does not respect her father then she will be cursed to have a bad husband. Our relationship with our father will decide our relationship with our future husband.

Father becomes angry because he does not feel respect at home. He does not get enough attention and respect. It is very bad.

Father is a protector of a house. Only women can degrade him. Under women i mean - daughters, wife.

With their disrespectful actions. When we start to pay attention to his desires and start to respect him as a Father, Protector then slowly slowly he become good. It is for sure.

Harsh words are like knife and sword. Please, avoid these things! You will pierce the heart of Your father and that hole never will be repaired.

He stops to do his duties as a maintainer only because women in the family does not respect him as a man. If they start to respect him then everyone in the society will start to respect him automatically. Then he will have good chance to get a nice job.

In this way all these things are connected.

From what You can start?

---Please, everyday pray for him. For his health, protection, happiness...

---try to know what does he likes: to eat, words, ....and try to do those things for him.

---then some times cry and beg forgiveness and it will really change his heart. But in the beginning You have to do first things.

---try to cook for him Prasadam and offer to him with love.

---try to ask some advices in life from him, even if he gives bad advices then do not be disrespectful. When we ask advices from senors it pleases them, they will start to take care of us.

And remember one thing dear ... Mataji, whatever bad thing happens with us it is ONLY due to our OWN BAD karma. When we accept this truth we will never ever see others as a fault to our sufferings.

"He stops to do his duties as a maintainer only because women in the family does not respect him as a man"

Instead its the other way round, I get agitated because he doesn't give respect to my mother who is performing her duty sincerely towards him & family.

He has not performed his duties responsibly since getting married,this my mother shares with me sometimes.

Otherwise he is an innocent man,his mind is not well developed i.e he doesn't know what is right & wrong.Most of the time he thinks both of dominate him because he doesn't understand quickly & therefore always supports outside people even though they are wrong & both of us think of his welfare only.

let me tell You the real and fresh story:

few months back i heard about the same problem or even worse. The problem was father who never earned money and worked somewhere from the beginning day of marriage. On the contrary used to spend wife's money for other women, and for drinking and eating meat.

Later they had 2 daughters and one boy. Now they are 24,23, 20. And both girls became Krishna Conscious, mother also. But still father used to go out and never earn money.

we talked with the when the father was not at home. The problem i used to see that they did not trust to their father and wife to her husband. They used to talk about him bad when he is was not with them. They criticized him that he is not earning, going out, has women...

i could see that they do not have a tinge of respect to him as a man. But man's desire is that he wants to be a leader at least at home. If wife and children does not give him that feeling by their words and actions then father starts to find that respect outside. He goes to other women and they will give to him some respect. And he will prefer that much than his wife.

Then we told to them start to love him, respect him, pray him, and forgive his mistakes and just enthuse him to do good things with nice words like:

yes, father You can do this!

yes, father thank You for Your help!

Father do you want me to help You!

How can i serve to You?

or just start with things like when he enters to the room just greet him with smile and pay some attention. wash his closes, ask how is he...

These things are very simple but simple things are very important in good relationship.

Then they even though artificially, but they started to think of him good, pray for him, respect him as a man, do not force him to chant but give him choice if you want father do it otherwise let it be so! even though i love You as You are. I accept You as You are.

Now, after 24 years he found a job at the Temple. and now he works there from 2 PM up to 10 PM and does not complain but even started to chant rounds. and these days comes even to Mangala Arati.

Why? because he felt that love and trust from his daughters and wife. Now he felt himself as a protector and maintainer of his family.

Of course these things are very difficult, but possible! and real thing!

Krishna can do impossible things possible.

Just start with respect and attention and You will see the result!

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Mohini Madhavi June 1, 2013 at 8:19am

"He stops to do his duties as a maintainer only because women in the family does not respect him as a man"

Instead its the other way round, I get agitated because he doesn't give respect to my mother who is performing her duty sincerely towards him & family.

He has not performed his duties responsibly since getting married,this my mother shares with me sometimes.

Otherwise he is an innocent man,his mind is not well developed i.e he doesn't know what is right & wrong.Most of the time he thinks both of dominate him because he doesn't understand quickly & therefore always supports outside people even though they are wrong & both of us think of his welfare only.

let me tell You the real and fresh story:

few months back i heard about the same problem or even worse. The problem was father who never earned money and worked somewhere from the beginning day of marriage. On the contrary used to spend wife's money for other women, and for drinking and eating meat.

Later they had 2 daughters and one boy. Now they are 24,23, 20. And both girls became Krishna Conscious, mother also. But still father used to go out and never earn money.

we talked with the when the father was not at home. The problem i used to see that they did not trust to their father and wife to her husband. They used to talk about him bad when he is was not with them. They criticized him that he is not earning, going out, has women...

i could see that they do not have a tinge of respect to him as a man. But man's desire is that he wants to be a leader at least at home. If wife and children does not give him that feeling by their words and actions then father starts to find that respect outside. He goes to other women and they will give to him some respect. And he will prefer that much than his wife.

Then we told to them start to love him, respect him, pray him, and forgive his mistakes and just enthuse him to do good things with nice words like:

yes, father You can do this!

yes, father thank You for Your help!

Father do you want me to help You!

How can i serve to You?

or just start with things like when he enters to the room just greet him with smile and pay some attention. wash his closes, ask how is he...

These things are very simple but simple things are very important in good relationship.

Then they even though artificially, but they started to think of him good, pray for him, respect him as a man, do not force him to chant but give him choice if you want father do it otherwise let it be so! even though i love You as You are. I accept You as You are.

Now, after 24 years he found a job at the Temple. and now he works there from 2 PM up to 10 PM and does not complain but even started to chant rounds. and these days comes even to Mangala Arati.

Why? because he felt that love and trust from his daughters and wife. Now he felt himself as a protector and maintainer of his family.

Of course these things are very difficult, but possible! and real thing!

Krishna can do impossible things possible.

Just start with respect and attention and You will see the result!

This reply was deleted.