Handling situation at home and Also serving krishna at the same time Hare krsna mataji, Iam an aspiring devotee, practicing kc from past 1 year something, chanting 16-20 rounds, following 4 principles. Iam the only girl and youngest one at home, no one in my family is devotee and obviously parents against me of doing Mala and eating veg only, but somehow I manage by lords mercy. There always fight happens in my home, skirmish between my parents and sis in laws, brothers too get dragged in between. Sometimes situation gets very worse that 1 st sis in law and brother left home few Months ago. Though daily routine but situation again went worse recently that 2 nd sis in law was on verge to leave home ( she also may do in future). I just watch the scene and cry seeing brother parents fighting and yelling. I feel helpless that I can't make both my parents and sis in law understand and just watch the scene and pray krishna. Now Iam worried about how to carry on my bhakti through food habit as Iam already Fallen just trying to do bhakti somehow without offline devotees association. As when I have holiday I try to make atleast 1-2 times of meal and offer to lord so that all eat prasadam. Generally when I prepare bhog I don't involve my 2 sis in law as cleanliness level while preparing bhog inside outside she can't do also she does not take much interest in preparing bhog. Now Iam bewildered whether to continue cooking for lord or not. Coz if I prepare bhog sis in law may think that Iam only not letting her cook and thus she get to hear scolding from mom ( as mom keeps on telling daily about her for not doing daughter in law duty but not in her face). Also sis in law and parents can't stand each other I see only bitter feeling issue both. Now if I eat food prepared by sis in law daily I fear if by bhakti get affected due to karmic food, as the mood she has while cooking I feel in full grudge mood , meditating on the words of my parents or thinking let just finish it off cooking fast. I can't peach them. What role can I play to maintain peace at home also serving krsna by preparing bhog and all together honor.
Hare Krishna dear Mataji, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
First of all may Krishna inspire You further to do devotional service. He might be so happy to see You struggling so much for Him. So much happy.
Please keep on chanting and serving Him!
Concerning Your sister in law's cooking:
What if You assist her in cooking?
And whenever You talk with Your mom tell good qualities of Your sister in law to Your her?
How she cooks so nice;
How much she does at home;
How much she wants to please Your mom as her own mom;
How much You are learning from her in cooking;
...
She is alone, from a different family so it may be an extra burden Your mother's fights.
So please understand her situation! Sometimes later You also will be in the similar situation.
You will also get married and shift to a different family. So Your sister in law will remain back. If You make a friend of her she will behave with Your mom in the future when she gets weak and old. But if You make an envy of her then when You leave home she will torture Your mom.
Your mom may not realize it these days when she is still young and has energy to move here and there.
But when she gets older she will need her as an assistant.
So please become a nice friend with Your sister in law. Let she love Your mom through You and let Your mom love and take care of her also through You.
And when You will be in other family You will get reactions of Your deeds at the present.
So if You behave well with Your sister in law then Your own sister in law also will be nice with You.
You try to assist her in her duties. Forgive somethings which she does not know yet. If You have good relations with her then slowly You can explain and she will correct herself.
Summary:
* glorify accordingly good qualities of Your sister in law and tell how much she loves Your mom to Your mom.
* Assist Your sister in law. Become a nice sisters with her.
Your servant,
Replies
Hare Krsna Mataji,
PAMHO.
You have been advised very nicely by Bhaktin Maral mataji. From the look of things, your parents are expecting too much and in the process even aleinating their sons. Todays world is very different from their generation. Todays girls (including me) are not the tolerant type - and how much can one tolerate.
To improve the situation, maybe after a fight, when everyone is upset, you pick up Bhagawad Gita and start reciting loudly the shlokas only, or with translations and meanings (depending on situation). The idea is that at that time, both your mother and sister in law will be thinking how to resolve this mess. Then when you are reading the Gita, they may think this is the solution. In contrast, if you tell them to read, they may not like it, you being the youngest cannot preach to your own family. Therefore preach by your behaviour.
You try to maintain your equanimity in all situations. Be nice to both mother and sister in law, never take sides. Your mother will try to pull you to her side and make you a team. Try to avoid that situation. Pray very fervently to Krsna to show you the way to maintain peace under the circumstances.
Regaring prasadam cooking, right now is the time for you to be as flexible as possible, given your family situation. When you cook, take full help from all the ladies of the house. This way, they get agyaat sukriti, benefit of cooking for the lord. This way, they will ultimately come to KC. You can nicely tell them, bhabhi you make this item very well, will you please teach me to make it for Krsna today. We will offer it and have. Mamma, you teach me this or chop these vegetables to help me please....Keep them separate, still make them both work for Krsna's service. This way, both will get the benefit. While offering, you can say in your prayers - dear Krsna, my family members do not know You or pray to You, yet someow or other they have cooked for You. YOu please accept these and shower Your blessings on them, so that they can also taste the nectar of Your devotion.
After the cooking and offering is done, you could thank both of them and compliment them for the wonderful tasty prasadam made by them. If they are not willing to help you together, then you make them work with you alternate weeks so that both get benefitted.
This way, slowly try to ensure taht atleast one thing is offered to the lord everyday by them, even on weekdays. You will have to see the situation and judge, I am no one to tell you.
Dont lose heart, continue your sadhana. At all times, chant your committed rounds without fail, and be super flexible in all other matters to bring the family members into KC. Preach with actions, never with words. If they ask you anything, you answer only what they ahve asked, if you know the answer, otherwise simply say, I will ask some temple senior and revert.
Haribol,
Your servant,
Rashmi
hare krishna!
nice to hear that u r practising krishna bhakti inspite of many odds........please at this level I think that u must not bother about the thing that someone else made food may cause something bad feelings or emotions attching to u.............krishna consciouness enables us to rise above such dependencies and be more and more stronger on all fronts!!!so please continue with yr bhakti and don't bother about such things and rest pray to lord and be more humble to others in yr family