Hare Krsna
Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to Srila Prabhupada
Early in the morning, Srila Prabhupada talked with Bhavananda Maharaja about Mayapur. Later, he spoke with Giriraja about Bombay. Srila Prabhupada then called for me, saying, "I am not getting strength. Even to lift my leg, I need help. Practically my left leg is not working. What should be done now, you consider."
I called for the kaviraja, who said that milk would be beneficial, but not dahi [yogurt]. He had gone to Delhi yesterday and met with Sri Ramduttji, whom he considered the topmost kaviraja in India, and just like his guru. Ramduttji, a specialist in Ayurvedic heart and kidney treatments, said that Srila Prabhupada's disease could definitely be cured and that the most immediate necessity was to increase his strength. For that purpose, milk was very important.
Prabhupada was told that the kaviraja would give medicine to control the cough and the passing of stool. The kaviraja said that he was not afraid of the disease, rather of Prabhupada's weakness. The kaviraja said, "You give me your co-operation for one week and I will cure you. If you follow the medicine for fifteen days, you can go to Mayapur." Srila Prabhupada said that he had very little space in his stomach; as soon as he ate or drank a little bit, he filled up. The kaviraja replied that it was better to give a little bit many times.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Why don't you give us the chance to serve you?
Prabhupada: I give you the chance, but you go away. You can sit down for twenty-four hours and chant. But I think otherwise. I think you are thinking of me as infectious. Therefore you avoid.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Srila Prabhupada, you have told us to go to Mayapur and make fifty thousand devotees and distribute one hundred thousand pieces of literature a month. So sometimes we go there to do this, and then we come back.
Prabhupada: No. While you are here [you are also not coming.]
This conversation had a very sobering effect on many of the devotees who were here, but were not staying in Srila Prabhupada's room. Now there was a noticeable increase, as devotees spent more of their time with Srila Prabhupada.
Jayapataka Maharaja reported that in Gaya they auctioned off the house where Caitanya Mahaprabhu rested. One Sankaracarya bought it. The Vaisnava community was very upset and wanted us to do something. Srila Prabhupada said, "This is a good idea. We can have a center in Gaya." Jayapataka said he would send someone to investigate the matter.
I asked Srila Prabhupada whether Lord Jagannatha should have feet and hands made for Him and be worshipped in that way, as in Jagannatha Puri. Srila Prabhupada answered, "Yes, why not?"
Lokanatha Maharaja arrived and gave a report on book distribution in Uttar Pradesh. He had gone to Badarinatha to show Prabhupada's translation of the Srimad-Bhagavatam to Srila Vyasadeva. He had visited Bhim Kapur, where Bhima left his body. He stated that in Badrinarayana, everyone was leaving because of the excessive cold, including the pujaris. I asked Srila Prabhupada if that was proper. Srila Prabhupada said, "What can be done?"
I suggested that Lokanatha Maharaja chant, but Srila Prabhupada said he must be tired. Lokanatha Maharaja, however, said that he had come a great distance to see Srila Prabhupada, to chant for him; so Srila Prabhupada said, "Then begin chanting."
After Lokanatha had led the kirtana and then left, Srila Prabhupada called him to return. Srila Prabhupada said, "Lokanatha, I want to discuss something very important with you. What time is convenient?" Four o'clock was set as the time to meet; but shortly thereafter, Srila Prabhupada called for Jayapataka Maharaja and Bhavananda Maharaja and Srila Prabhupada said, "Jayapataka, Bhavananda-so you all manage. I've done everything for a dying man to do. All papers are signed. It's not good, all you big managers are just bound here and I am lying. I wish you to manage very nicely as if I were dead, and let me travel to all the tirtha-sthanas without responsibility. And if I die, what is that? They can bring the dead body to Mayapur or Vrndavana. A little medicine-no medicine. A little milk and travel one place to another. If there is death? What is the lamentation? In open air, bullock cart during daytime. Or you can say civil suicide. Although living, consider me dead for the time being. You manage. And nowadays in India, there is sunshine. During the daytime, I shall travel; and at night-time, make a camp under a tree. In this way, let me travel to all the tirtha-sthanas. I am thinking in this way. What are your opinions?"
Bhavananda Maharaja: We will manage.
Prabhupada: You are managing, I know. But you are all local men. You are bound up and you cannot go. Lokanatha's party has some experience, let him go. In India, the climate is good. If I recover, very good. If not, what is the wrong? And if I live, it will be a great thing-another life. You are all experienced. What is the use of lying down here?
Jayapataka Maharaja: The kaviraja said your body has six years of life left. Even a healthy cow lying in one place will become ill.
Prabhupada: Therefore I say, don't keep me locked up. You keep me free. They have got experience in India. You can go village to village. It has to be settled. I am no longer. You manage. If I live, I shall come again.
Trivikrama Maharaja: Previously, there was some risk.
Prabhupada: What is that risk? This is my proposal.
Jayapataka Maharaja: That will be after you have gained some strength.
Prabhupada: Yes. Free air and some change, and I can come back later.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Will you be translating?
Prabhupada: No.
Bhavananda Maharaja: I think it is a good idea, but you should not take unnecessary risk.
Prabhupada: No. When I am okay. I shall come back to Mayapur, Vrndavana, or Bombay or anywhere.
Jayapataka Maharaja: You would travel by bus?
Prabhupada: That you think over.
Bhavananda Maharaja: We will all think over the arrangements.
Prabhupada: You have tried doctors, kaviraja, medicine. Everything has failed. Now supposing I am taking risk of death. What is the wrong? When I am dead, if you go in India and bring the body either to Mayapur or Vrndavana. Mayapur, the land is already there. Vrndavana, I think you have gate site. Wherever you like, you do.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Thakura Bhaktivinoda, he said it was not proper near the gate.
Prabhupada: No, there is ample room. Or Mayapur, that is very nice.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Prabhupada, you are getting stronger. Look how you are talking. The kaviraja is sure that by taking a little milk....
Prabhupada: I'll take milk; milk is available everywhere. I shall take little milk. And sleep. If I live, that is all right. If I don't, that is all right.
Bhavananda Maharaja: Very nice program. We can all accompany you.
Prabhupada: Not very many. You can go and come back.
Jayapataka Maharaja: Which holy places?
Prabhupada: India is full of holy places. Gradually we will go to Mayapur. Is Tamala here?
Jayapataka Maharaja: Yes, he has heard everything. By your going to the holy places, you will purify all the holy places.
Prabhupada: There are two things-life or death. If I die, what is the wrong? And if there is death, that is natural.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: For us, it is very unfortunate.
Prabhupada: Live by my words, by my training. So you like this idea?
Hamsaduta Maharaja: I like it.
Prabhupada: In most cases, you beg from the local places and subsist. Otherwise, purchase.
Jayapataka Maharaja: You are very famous. Wherever you go, there will be crowds of people.
Prabhupada: So they'll be seeing me. I have no objection. I want a little milk from them, that is all. So for my presence required for management, I think I have bequeathed properly. You can manage. It is to be admitted failure. So-called medicine treatments are all failures.
Jayapataka Maharaja: All the doctors say you defy all medical laws. Sometimes you become very weak, sometimes very strong.
Giriraja: I think parikrama is a good idea, because I don't have any faith in the doctors or treatments. Ultimately it depends on Krsna. He can exercise His will in any condition.
Prabhupada: So seriously consider this submission and let me go.
Jayapataka Maharaja : How soon would you like to go?
Prabhupada: Immediately.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I think it is glorious to go on tirtha-yatra.
Prabhupada: Yes. So all of you give permission. Then I will go.
Nrsimha Caitanya: Could there be a caravan of vans to come with you?
Prabhupada: Yes.
Bhavananda Maharaja: When you wanted to go to Mayapur, you said no, you would die on the road and that is not good. Now you say go.
Prabhupada: No. That is artificial, and this is natural. Death is inevitable. But artificial is not good.
Bhavananda Maharaja: I feel that by travelling now, there would be unnatural death.
Prabhupada: No, strength you will gain by traveling.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: You can begin by circumambulating Vrndavana.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Bhavananda Maharaja: Because all of us are quite worried, we would not work confidently, leaving you alone.
Jayapataka Maharaja: We heard that you had a dream, that a kaviraja of the Ramanuja sampradaya will treat and get you back to strength. So far, he seems quite successful.
Prabhupada: No. He's sincere. I'll drink milk. Whatever strength is obtainable.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: So we should meet and make plans for travelling around Vrndavana. You will begin tomorrow morning?
Prabhupada: Yes.
Jayapataka Maharaja: By bus?
Prabhupada: No bus. Bullock cart. With bullock you get the cow dung.
Jayapataka Maharaja: In this part of India, it is very cold.
Prabhupada: Underneath the trees, it is not cold. Daytime, by exposing underneath the sun; and camp underneath a tree at night. That has to be arranged.
After this conversation, we had a meeting to arrange for a bullock cart; then we came before Srila Prabhupada with the kaviraja.
Prabhupada: Make an experiment.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Then we shall decide. On Vrndavana parikrama, a bullock cart is not smooth. Let us not take the risk.
Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: We think that you can get stronger slowly.
Prabhupada: Let us make an experiment in Vrndavana.
Kaviraja: You should consider not doing it under any circumstances.
Bhavananda Maharaja: The risk is too great.
Prabhupada: Vrndavana parikrama is not risk.
Bhakti-Caru Maharaja: You have advised us not to take unnecessary risk when doubtful.
Prabhupada: That is material.
Jagadisa: Why do you want to go on parikrama?
Prabhupada: Let us call Krsnadasa Babaji and then decide. Either Ravana will kill, or Rama will kill. Better to be killed by Rama. If Marica doesn't go to mislead Sita, he will be killed by Ravana; and if he goes, he'll be killed by Rama.
We gave many arguments for accepting the advice of the kaviraja.
Prabhupada: But I think I will be cured by the parikrama.
Kaviraja: Prabhupada should ask for Kuvera's flower plane; then there will be no bumping.
Prabhupada called for Lokanatha Maharaja, who had gone to ready a bullock cart.
Prabhupada: So when will we go?
Lokanatha Maharaja: We got a bullock cart and bullocks.
Prabhupada: What do you think? How many carts you got?
Lokanatha Maharaja: Only one for you. Others can do sankirtana.
Prabhupada: How much you had to pay?
Lokanatha Maharaja: One hundred rupees. If you want for longer time, we can purchase.
Prabhupada: How many are going?
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Everyone wants to go.
Prabhupada: That's nice. How many days you have hired for?
Lokanatha Maharaja: One day.
Prabhupada: I am thinking: I am lying here, I can lie there in a cart. Let us make an experiment.
Lokanatha Maharaja: I have seen nice carts like chariots in Pune.
Prabhupada: You can purchase immediately. You have got already experience.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: Your vision is transcendental. If you say you'll get better, we have to believe you.
Prabhupada: Rest assured, I shall not die in one day. We can go to Govardhana and make our own cooking there. Dig the ground and make our foodstuff. Very good. Picnic.
Lokanatha Maharaja: We can collect grains.
Prabhupada: That will be very nice.
Panca-dravida Maharaja: Will we be able to walk to Govardhana?
Lokanatha Maharaja: There are old men who pilgrimage for sixty miles in my native place on every Ekadasi day.
Prabhupada: Let us make an experiment. Don't hesitate. As far as possible, take me in a comfortable condition.
Panca-dravida Maharaja: This will purify Govardhana Hill.
Prabhupada: Tomorrow is a great festival. We are in Vrndavana-so we must take part. So Lokanatha, what do you think?
Lokanatha Maharaja: We should make an experiment to please you.
Prabhupada: That's nice.
Lokanatha Maharaja: That will be a new experiment for us also.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Later in the evening, Krsnadasa Babaji came. After taking some prasadam, he spoke with Srila Prabhupada very convincingly that Srila Prabhupada should not go. He said that Srila Prabhupada was already glorious; why should he go out and risk his life? He was not going to die; so why should he go out now in this condition? Srila Prabhupada then called for Bhavananda Maharaja and myself, who were just coming to speak with His Divine Grace.
Prabhupada: Babaji also feels that I should not go.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Prabhupada, how can you go? The road is so bad. There will be so much jerking. Why are you thinking of going? Why are you throwing out this kaviraja? He is having good results. We are so upset. Please do not go.
Prabhupada: All right. I don't want to upset you. That is not my position. Bhavananda, what do you think?
Bhavananda Maharaja: I am very upset, Srila Prabhupada. I don't want you to go.
Prabhupada: Bhavananda has suffered so much for Mayapur. How can I go against his will? If my right and left hand says no, how can I go? Babaji Maharaja , see how much my disciples love me!
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You are dealing with us in such a way that our attachment is forever deepening.
Prabhupada: It is my duty. In college days, one Scottish professor would say "juty." One student asked, "Is this Scottish accent, to say 'juty' instead of 'duty'?" (Prabhupada laughed at his recollection.)
It was fixed up that Krsnadasa Babaji and Bon Maharaja would come for prasadam Sunday night.
Prabhupada called for the kaviraja, having heard that he was very disappointed Prabhupada was going on parikrama. The kaviraja had said that if Prabhupada left the gate for parikrama, not even Balarama or Lord Visnu could keep him, the kaviraja, here any longer, but that he would return to Calcutta. He came before Srila Prabhupada, who spoke very kindly to him.
Although Prabhupada drank 500 cc of milk, there was no stool and no mucous, just as the kaviraja said. Tomorrow, he will give medicine for building muscles. The next day, he wants to go to Jaipur for medicine. For now the kaviraja was giving medicine made from crushed pearls and will be giving crushed emeralds later, which are even more powerful than crushed diamonds.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days-November 11th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
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