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One night in his room on Willard Street, Prabhupada was talking about seeing Krsna. "Don't try to see Him," Prabhupada said, "but act in such a way that He will come and see you... Suradasa was a blind man, yet due to his sincere chanting-"O Krsna, Krsna, Krsna'-Krsna came to see him. So Krsna is there whether we see Him or not. All we must do is become sincere, and He will present Himself whether we see Him or not. Krsna hugs the cow. What does a cow know? He is a dumb animal. Is the cow as great as Arjuna? No. Yet due to the cow's sincerity to come and lick Krsna's body, Krsna says, "Oh, yes, My dear cow, come, and I shall take care of you.' And Krsna gives him some sweet nectar. So we should want Krsna to come and see us, not that you should want to see Krsna."

At that time, few devotees were very well read in Prabhupada's books. They didn't know the vastness of the philosophy. Only a few books were published, and so Prabhupada in person was the real source of Krsna conscious knowledge.

Eighteen-year-old Kim used to have philosophical arguments with his atheistic father and then invariably have questions for Prabhupada at the end of the lectures. He would ask so consistently that Prabhupada would turn to him and say, "Are there any questions?" Given a good question, Prabhupada might launch into another impromptu lecture.

Kim's sister, who was only sixteen, also wanted to get initiated. "Are there offenses in the spiritual world?" she asked Prabhupada at one evening lecture. Prabhupada turned to the audience. "See?" he said. "This little girl, she wants to go back to Godhead." And in the course of the answer, he said, "Krsna may kiss you." When he said that, Kim's sister blushed, and everyone laughed.

Upendra asked, "Swamiji, how should we feel humble? I feel sometimes that when I try to be humble I first think about it, and then I try to be humble. But it seems artificial."

"This is humbleness," Prabhupada said. "When we think, "Oh, I should have done it this way'-that is good. Because then there is always room for improvement. If you go on thinking, "Oh, I did not perform this duty so nicely. I should have done it this way,' then you will improve. Our love for Krsna keeps growing as long as we think that we are not doing the most for Krsna and that we must do more. This is humbleness. If you think, "Oh, I did this so wonderfully. I am such a nice and sincere devotee,' then this is not good. There will be no improvement."

If, in questioning, anyone brought up the names and philosophies of famous contemporary Mayavadis, Prabhupada would become angry. He was adamantly against the mission of the Mayavadis, who deny the absolute reality of Krsna. Prabhupada expressed that they had greatly damaged the original Vedic culture by spreading misleading doctrines. One time Malati brought up the subject of certain Mayavadi teachings, and Prabhupada, as usual, argued strongly. Afterwards Upendra chastised Malati, saying that she shouldn't have brought it up because Prabhupada was still recuperating in his health. In his excitement his blood pressure might rise too much. Malati was silent, but later gave Upendra a letter to be delivered to Prabhupada. "What have you said to Malati," Prabhupada asked after reading her letter, "that now she no longer feels she can come before me?" Upendra explained how he had corrected her for inciting Prabhupada too much. It was nonsense, Prabhupada said, and he told Upendra to apologize to her.

Uddhava confided to Kim that he felt left out because he never had any questions to ask Prabhupada. Kim encouraged him. One night Uddhava finally asked, but it was a strange question. "Swamiji," said Uddhava, "what is Radharani's relationship with Krsna's brother, Balarama?"

Prabhupada was annoyed: "Why are you asking that? You don't even understand the basic principle of the Bhagavad-gita. You don't understand the nature of the soul and the Supersoul or Krsna and devotional service, and yet you are asking questions like this?" For a long while Uddhava didn't ask again.


- From "Prabhupada-lila" by HH Satsvarupa dasa Goswami