Remembering Srila Prabhupada - Being restless - Blog - ISKCON Desire Tree

Being restless

Srila Prabhupada also received a letter from Sharma dasa, the black American devotee who was preaching in Africa last year, but left to go and sit in Mayapur and chant 150 rounds a day. In February, prior to the Gaura Purnima festival, he asked Prabhupada if he could build a tree house because he was disturbed by devotees coming to see him. Then again in March, he asked if he could go to Radha-kunda and chant because his bhajana was being disturbed by visits from his Godbrothers. Prabhupada had told him that his disturbed mind meant that he was not fit for only chanting. Prabhupada had been pleased when Sharma decided that he return to Africa and preach. But now, in his letter sent from Nairobi, he again requested permission to make chanting his main service. Saying that he didn't want to act whimsically and that he only wanted to please Srila Prabhupada, he declared, "We have no love for Krsna but we have this attraction to serve Krsna as a servant of the confidential serving maids of Krsna. By your mercy we understand that we cannot go to Vrndavana by any ticket so we are by the grace of Krsna trying to fix our mind on this service in Vrndavana. This fixing of the mind is dependant on my chanting Krsna names, and my chanting Krsna names is simply dependant on your mercy because my Godbrothers do not like me chanting. We do not want to commit offences to our godbrothers yet sometimes when I tell them I only want to hear about Krsna in Vrndavana or the glories of His holy name or qualities, some say we must talk of other things. They are more pure than my sinful self. As far as this living entity, he only wants to hear or talk of Krsna. My Godbrothers as far as I am concerned are better and more advanced, but because of my sinful condition if you would allow me to chant these few extra rounds, read your books and render some small service, maybe before leaving this body Krsna will allow this sinful living entity to be elevated to the position of one of His loving servants. It is our only desire to have our devotional creeper take shelter of Goloka Vrndavana and to somehow or other please our spiritual master and Krsna."

Srila Prabhupada's reply was to him was quite terse: "So, why did you leave Mayapur if you are so expert in chanting? Read my books and do some menial service, but why you have left Mayapur? You are restless, so what can be done. You were chanting in Mayapur. Wherever you may live, you have to abide by the order of the authority. Because you are restless you are not fit for chanting absolutely."

- From "A Transcendental Diary Vol 4" by HG Hari Sauri Prabhu

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