On Representing Srila Prabhupada
Nowadays I'm getting many letters, mostly from people met on preaching travels or who have read my books. Many ask for advice, and I reply, advising as Srila Prabhupada advised us. The replies are often filled with tremendous gratefulness. People become so enlivened to get what seems to me straightforward advice like, "Try to chant Hare Krsna attentively and read Srila Prabhupada's books every day." So much affection is being showered on me through the mail. I hardly feel capable to reciprocate it.
Srila Prabhupada! You said, "Just do as I am doing," and I am trying to do that. But whereas you have unlimited goodwill and compassion, I am limited by lust, greed, anger, desires for name and fame, and so many other wicked desires. Your knowledge, realization and genuine concern for others are unbounded. Mine hardly exists.
Srila Prabhupada! Please quickly rescue me from my deficiencies. I want to be your servant, but am hardly fit to be so. (I am full of faults, but I want to be your worthy servant.) If I could reflect even a particle of your exalted qualities and convey them to others, I may begin to serve you properly. May I love at least a fraction as much as you love.
This morning I was looking at a photo of Srila Prabhupada (In Srimad-Bhagavatam Canto 1 Volume 3) sitting very straight on his vyasasana, looking most aristocratic and determined, playing a gong and wearing a huge, beautiful flower garland. The vyasasana is also profusely decorated with flowers. To pick flowers and string them into a beautiful garland takes time, care and feeling.
You are giving me so many garlands. Why are you giving me? Because you love me. Otherwise there was no necessity. Because you have got some love, therefore you are worshiping your spiritual master. 760906SB.VRN
Sometimes devotees also offer me a similarly decorated seat and a gorgeous garland. Seeing this photo, I think, "All the nice garlands should be offered to Krsna and Prabhupada," but now they are offering them to me also. I am not even a millionth part able to reciprocate as Srila Prabhupada did. His compassion, his caring, and his feeling are all unlimited. I am simply trying to follow in his footsteps, praying that his qualities may be reflected in me, at least as traces. I will not refuse the garlands, nor pretend myself to be as good as Prabhupada. I will accept the love and affection of the devotees, offer it to Srila Prabhupada, and reciprocate with the devotees as best I can by instructing them as Srila Prabhupada instructed us.
As an ISKCON sannyasi and a direct disciple of Srila Prabhupada, I am honored and respected, especially by those devotees who never personally saw Srila Prabhupada. That is another testimony to the greatness of Srila Prabhupada. The next generation of devotees in ISKCON respect Prabhupada's disciples because of their relationship with him. Before meeting Srila Prabhupada we were all ordinary people, destined for the lower species of life. Prabhupada saved us. We must never forget that we are all made of Prabhupada's mercy. The Krsna consciousness movement will be successful to the extent that we remember this and go on boldly and enthusiastically propagating his mission. And as much as we forget through whom the potency to spread Krsna consciousness is coming, that much we will simply have to suffer due to not properly recognizing the source of our blessings.
I am some kind of leader in this movement. As a sannyasi, initiating guru, and writer of strongly-worded books, I have taken a stand against maya. Sannyasis are meant to generate faith in devotional service by their exemplary behavior. If I were to fall from such a standard, it would not only be bad for me, but for others also, especially my disciples. I cannot claim, "I have conquered maya!" as did one of our foolish godbrothers. He appeared to have attained mighty heights, but was kicked by maya into nasty depths. How was it possible? Because he forgot his position as servant.
We have seen several devotees in our society attain extraordinary opulence and power in devotional service, perform exceptional activities, and then fall down. This caused chaos throughout the movement. It was especially disastrous for their disciples, few of whom ever really recovered from the shock. My activities are very small compared to what some of these great sankirtana generals did.
Srila Prabhupada , your mercy is all I am made of. I have taken this great risk of sannyasa only to serve your lotus feet. Nor am I very good at that. So many godbrothers and disciples of godbrothers are doing far more than I to please you. Srila Prabhupada , this is not a very exalted prayer, but one that I need to make: "Please don't let me fall down." Even Srila Prabhupada was praying like that (he told us). The difference is that he didn't need to, although out of humility he may have felt that he did. For me, it's a real prayer that I cannot put enough energy into.
- From the "My Memories of Srila Prabhupada" by HH Bhakti Vikas Swami
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