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Radharani came out from Her inner chamber with a veil over Her head because She never looks at the face of any male person except krsna. That is why She is the most chaste woman throughout creation; she only looks at one person. A devotee is also like that, a chaste devotee only wants to look at one person, krsna. He doesn’t make eye to eye contact with people in this world. Even in vedic society if a woman is chaste to her husband, her husband is her prananatha, she won’t make eye to eye contact because her heart is tied and given to her pati, her husband. What to speak of someone who actually gives their heart to krsna, man and woman.

Just like it is natural for a young man to be attracted to a young woman, to look at them. A young man to look at young woman, it is natural for a young woman to be attracted to a young man, and for a young woman to look and make eye contact with young men. It is a burning attraction; it’s pushing just like a vegam, this kama vegam. You know kama, the pushing of lust. So when a man is walking down a side walk and a woman is walking the other way, he will be pushed by this kama vegam. And this woman will be pushed by kama vegam. And this woman will be pushed by kama vegam, this push of lust to look at each other. For whatever reason, they may not feel sexual disturbance or agitation but just the pushing because of the body. So just curiosity and if they try to repress that to say, ‘no I won’t do it’, no I won’t look, I will just look at the ground’. Then right at the last second, right before you go by them, you look up and then the person is looking directly at you at that second. That man is looking directly at you or that woman is looking directly at you because she is pushed that way too. Even if a chaste Indian girl, she is forced to look because the pushing is so strong.

That will continue till one is actually attracted and attached to krsna. So when the heart becomes attracted to krsna then he won’t be pushed or even if he feels the pushing he won’t surrender to it. He will know I am being pushed but I am pushing that kama vegam towards prema. The kama vegam, the pushing of lust, is pushing me to look at this man or woman but I won’t surrender to it. I am going to take that force of that kama and put it behind the desire to see krsna in my heart. So now I am going to close my eyes and I am going to forcibly remember the form of lord. I am going to close my eyes because when I close my eyes for those two seconds and when I open my eyes that person will be past me and I will try to see the form of Krsna or Radharani in my heart.

Everytime one surrenders to Krsna that is called prapadyante. “As you surrender unto me I reward you accordingly”. Everytime you turn to Krsna, He takes note. He says, “Oh, I am testing you and I see that you are turning to Me. Now I am going to show Myself to you more and more”. So every devotee, every sadhaka, has a test of how much maya is within us because we have so much. It is when you are alone that krsna is testing. What kind of Vaisnava are you? What kind of devotee are you? So our attachment to Krsna is measured when we are alone or when we are moving through the world. Krsna is watching. Krsna is noting, “Oh, you are wearing these clothes but when some man comes you look at them. You are wearing these clothes but some woman comes you look. You were looking before and you are still looking. You are still in this world. But slowly we have to step out of this world, by becoming attracted and attached to Krsna.

We analyse what is this anyway, just pushing, this is not really me, I am just forced like this by the desire of this body. This kama vegam, this body is just pushing me, I really don’t want it. If I follow that attraction what is the value of it? What is the net result of it, what is the benefit of it? Even if they are very attractive and I look and I enjoy with them what is the value of that ultimately? What to speak of the momentary enjoyment of one seconds glance. It just reinforces your attachment to the material world. Every opportunity we get the chance to cut those attachments. No, I don’t want this attachment. I want to transfer my attachments. I have attraction within me, where does this attraction come from? It comes from the soul. The body has no attraction. If your body was dead lying on the payment and that man’s body was dead lying on the pavement one foot away from yours there would be no attraction. He would not look at you and you would not look at him. As soon as souls are put in to each body, souls are emanating attraction. This force of attraction comes from Krsna, He is all attractive.

So when there is this pushing of attraction let it be directed towards Krsna because He is all attractive. He will satisfy completely all the desires of your mind, of your body, your emotions, everything will be satisfied by Krsna, by His name, form, qualities, everything. We are still yearning for this material world; we are still driven by this attachment for this body in this world. So we walk along and then we look up. In this way just like a male dog will go and every time a dog goes past he will sniff that dog. Just like ants that go on a path and they stop each ant and will touch every other ant. They are all going in different directions and everyone stops. They have to touch every ant all along the path. And every dog will go “Oh this one smells good, this is a nice one, I like the smell of this one,” and he will smell every dog. We are the same, every man must look at every woman he sees, as a man goes on the street he must look at every single woman. As a woman goes on the street she must look at every single man-four, five, ten, or whatever. This is maya, this is maya’s grip. In this way maya keeps all men and women bound hopelessly in the cycle of birth and death.

So we see this within us, we analyse what is this within me? What is this pushing within me? Is it me, is it the body? Am I separate from the body? And is this attraction an eternal thing? Is there a basis for the desires, the hankering, the yearning? Yes, it has basis. The basis is not the body so why identify with the superficially expression of that inborn, eternal, original attraction. I am this woman and there is that man, here is where my pleasure lies in looking at that man. I am this man’s body and there is that woman’s body, there my pleasure lies in looking there. I am not this. I am the beautiful soul within this body. My man, my woman are Radha and krsna and I am attracted there. Let me look at them for hours and days and days. And let me remember them, let think of them, this is smaranam. I don’t want to see anybody in this world, who is there to see. Just see is there someone more beautiful than krsna. Is there someone more beautiful than krsna walking on the street. I have never seen. Is there a girl more beautiful than Radharani? No. There is some beauty there but then there is some imperfection. This is nice but that is not nice. This is good but that is not nice. Nothing totally pure and the only way you see totally pure is when the illusion descends upon you and illusion to enjoy is so great that you overlook all imperfections just to try and enjoy. So this is a perfect woman, this is a perfect man. This is my dream boat; this is my king in shining armour or something.

So in this way we have to check ourselves from wherever and whenever the mind wanders due to its flickering and unsteady nature we must certainly withdraw it and bring it under the control of Krsna. Krsna’s name and Krsna’s form. Okay I am attracted to form so I am looking at form but what is the ultimate. But I want to see a beautiful form, I want to see whatever. So is this the best thing that I can see? Is this the most beautiful form that is available, this man or this woman, or this world? There must be something better. The form of Krsna and Radha is the best, transcendental and spiritual, ever youthful and beautiful, sweet, kind and loving. Not only Their bodies but Their mind, and Their dealings, everything. So this is our solitary practice of bhajan, this is where the real test goes on. This is the real test of Krsna consciousness. Krsna is watching, He is seeing. “You are walking like this but you look. So much involved with the world”. As long as you want to be in this world how can you go to that world. You have to cut. Yoga is a serious thing. But one who tries gets a return from Krsna. Krsna reciprocates and He promises. If you surrender unto Me I reward you accordingly. He is the most personal personality; he is most warm, kind and loving. So if we actually endeavour to reciprocate with Him in that way the He comes to us. Then we start to understand He is my greatest friend.

The varieties of forms and persons in this world become very dull, very unattractive, actually. You can almost laugh at your previous attractions. You almost laugh and find great humour in what you were previously attached to, see what it really is. A whole new world of attraction, a whole new world of satisfaction, a whole new world of beauty has opened up within me. Within me and without me because you see this beauty in this outside world also because you see everyone as connected with Krsna. But until we come to that platform as seeing as a servant, as long as we are seeing as the enjoyer we become entangled and trapped. When we develop the vision of seeing as Krsna’s servant then we are liberated because we are seeing everyone as Krsna’s servant and we are seeing ourselves as the servant of everyone. Not trying to enjoy anyone or anything of this world. This is pure consciousness, pure Krsna consciousness.

HH Mahanidhi Swami