(From the "Japa" book by HG Bhurjana Prabhu)
Q: When I visit certain holy places or temples I feel strong emotions and
often cry. Where do these emotions come from? I then find myself trying to
feel the same emotions later. Is this all right or am I trying to enjoy my
senses in the name of spiritual life?
A: Imagine a curtain hanging over a window. The thicker the curtain, the
less light will come through into the room. In the dhama the curtain or
veil between the material and spiritual worlds is thin. Therefore it’s
quite natural to feel spiritual emotion in the dhama.
But you say you are trying to feel the same emotions later, and you wonder
if this is okay or are you trying to enjoy our senses in the name of
spiritual life? It is important that we don’t become peak-experience
addicts. It is very dangerous to our spiritual life to want only peak
emotional experiences at all times. It’s also dangerous in material life.
We can use marriage as an analogy. A newly married couple goes through a
period we call the “honeymoon.” But there is no honeymoon after the
honeymoon. Marriage means duty and mutual respect, and when one is dutiful
in marriage, one finds a more proper and much deeper affection for one’s
partner. If we want spiritual life to simply be a series of honeymoon
experiences, then perhaps we will find ourselves going from one guru to
another, one movement to another, one dhama to another, and nothing will
be enough to satisfy us.
The problem with this mentality is that we ourselves remain the center of
our concern. But we are meant to serve Krsna no matter what experiences we
have.
What we want to understand from truly spiritual experiences is that we are
servants of Krsna and completely dependent on Him. By His grace, even
though we don’t deserve the spiritual happiness that is bubbling up inside
us now, we accept it. But we understand that we are receiving the mercy of
the dhama, of our guru, and of the Vaisnavas. Instead of thinking how to
get more spiritual emotion for me, me, me, and me, we should shift
ourselves to a service mentality: How can I offer something in gratitude
to my spiritual master, to the holy dhamas, and to the holy names?
So the way we can discern whether we are engaging in sense gratification
or having truly spiritual experiences is by measuring whether or not we
feel a deepening desire in our heart for service. This is the foundational
principle of spiritual life: We are servants of Krsna (jivera svarupa haya
nityera krsna dasa) [Cc. Madhya 20.108].
Other than this, our quest in spiritual life is to become more and more
deeply immersed in humble and loving service to Sri Sri Radha and Krsna
(and Their devotees). The result of this “lowly” position is that the
spiritual energy will bestow on us more spiritual emotion and pleasure
than we can imagine from our present point of view.
As to where these emotions come from they are natural to the soul, but
they come by the mercy of the dhama, the holy names, Sri Caitanya
Mahaprabhu, the devotees, and Srila Prabhupada. They are simply mercy. We
are not qualified for anything. Therefore they are the gift of Mahaprabhu
because He uplifts the unqualified: patita-pavana-hetu tava avatara, mo
sama patita prabhu na paibe ara, “Caitanya Mahaprabhu appeared as an
incarnation to deliver all fallen souls like us and directly bestow upon
us love of Godhead.” As soon as we think we are qualified for such mercy,
we should know that the false ego is expanding.
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