“You just make Balarama your son, Subhadra your daughter and Lord Jagannatha your husband.” This is the instruction Srila Prabhupada gave me in 1972, and this is the story about how this came to be.
In the spring of 1972, Srila Prabhupada visited Tokyo yatra for the second time. It was so wonderful to see him again.
During his visit, Sudama, my husband at the time, came to me and said that he had just asked Srila Prabhupada if he could take sannyasa. Srila Prabhupada told him he would have to ask me first. I had no idea he was even thinking of it, but looking back, it makes sense because the first time Srila Prabhupada visited Japan, he brought with him newly initiated sannyasis, including Tamal Krishna who was good friends with Sudama. Tamal Krishna was planning to take sannyasa, and I believe he probably discussed it with Sudama.
When Sudama asked me for permission to take sannyasa, I thought for a minute and said alright. I didn’t know a whole lot about what it would entail, and that it meant I would have to leave Japan and never see Sudama again. The worst part was that I had to leave while Srila Prabhupada was still in Tokyo and would miss the first initiation.
The nearest temple (any house or apartment for gatherings we called a temple) was Hong Kong. So, they got me a ticket to go there. Bhurijana Prabhu and his wife Jagattarini were there, struggling to make some devotees. Srila Prabhupada was encouraging them to stay, and said that it would eventually be successful, which we now can see it has.
However, back in 1970 a box arrived through the mail, which contained beautiful Lord Jagannatha deities. I had never asked who sent Them, nor did I know how to worship Them, and Sudama did not know much more. We built a simple altar and covered it with red satin. We put photos of Srila Prabhupada on the bottom level, and Lord Jagannatha on the top tier. Now we had deities in Tokyo!
Sudama sewed Their first outfit and I cooked Their meals. Sometimes They looked like They were glowing. In the morning I would bathe Them with water, which was before Srila Prabhupada said not to pour water directly on Lord Jagannatha. I was Their pujari and offered Them aratika. It was simple worship but so wonderful. I became very attached to Them. We also had the first Rathayatra in Japan in Hibiya Park, and many people came.
Later I took a brief break back to Los Angeles for some association and when I came back to Japan, I found Lord Jagannatha was packed up in a box and tiny Lord Jagannatha deities were placed on a heating pad set on low on the altar.
It was winter and very cold in the rural house into which we had moved. I was missing the other deities and would sometimes go to look at Them in Their box.
Then in 1972 when I was about to go to Hong Kong when Sudama took sannyasa, it was decided I would take those deities to be in the Hong Kong yatra. While there, I heard Bhurijana Prabhu talking about removing Their wooden garlands that were attached to Their bodies. I remember I told him no, you cannot do that, it would hurt Them. He told me I was attached to Them and I should keep Them.
Then what happened was two other devotees that were visiting Hong Kong, Romaharsana dasa and Sudama Vipra Maharaja (a different Sudama) were talking about going to open a temple in Manilla, Philippines. They asked me if I wanted to help. I knew how to cook and now I had deities, so they wanted me to go with them and I said yes.
We went there and it was amazing how many people started to visit our Sunday feasts. We met people on Hari Nama Sankirtan. But after a few months, I became very ill and ended up in the hospital. I guess I became a liability, so I was asked to leave. I went back to America and passed through Los Angeles and Srila Prabhupada just happened to be visiting the temple.
The president at that time was Jayatirtha dasa. I was staying in the Brahmacharini ashrama with my Lord Jagannatha deities in a nice box covered in blue material. At this time, no one had their own deities. Almost everyone lived in the temple, with a women’s and men’s ashrama, usually connected to the temple building.
Devotees started questioning me, why I had my own personal deities. Jayatirtha also told me something about Srila Prabhupada saying we should not have our own Deities, but we should focus on the temple Deities. So, I was crying because I was attached to Them, and Sudama had taken sannyasa, and everything I owned was in my suitcase, plus Lord Jagannatha traveled in my orange back pack. Jayatirtha said he did not mean to make me cry, but Srila Prabhupada said… So, what to do?
I made an appointment to see Srila Prabhupada. We could have darshan back then, there were not so many devotees. This would be something new for me because I was always in the background and too afraid to talk to Srila Prabhupada, not because he was intimidating, but because he was so great and pure that when in his presence, it is possible to become tongue-tied and feel too foolish to speak. But I had to personally ask him to clarify if I could worship my deities.
When the designated time arrived, I took Lord Jagannatha, Lady Subhadra and Lord Balarama in Their blue box and went to the room he was in and knocked on the door. My heart was beating fast. He said to come in, and no one else was in the room. He smiled and gave me a white sweetball. I think it was Sandesh. I felt embarrassed when he called me “Chintamani prabhu.” He asked about the Manilla yatra and we talked a little. I had brought him a sandalwood fan and opened it and showed him how when you wave it, it smelled like sandalwood.
Now was the time. I cleared my throat and said, “Srila Prabhupada, I have Lord Jagannatha in this box and I want Them to see you.”
I opened the top lid of the box and stood Them up. He was smiling so nicely and said, “They are gorgeous. Jagannatha Swami nayana pathagami bhava tume.”
I told him, “They are telling me I cannot worship Them.”
He said, “Who’s telling?”
I started to repeat what I had been told, “But Srila Prabhupada, you said…”
He immediately interrupted me and said, “Never mind. You just make Lord Jagannatha your life and soul and you will be happy your whole life. So, your husband has taken sannyasa?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Then you just make Balarama your son, Subhadra your daughter, and Lord Jagannatha your husband, because every woman needs a son, daughter and husband.” He repeated this twice.
“Take Them with you wherever you go, whether inside or outside the temple.” At the time I was shocked he said outside the temple because almost everyone lived in the temple.
By now I was really blissful! He told me not to divert my mind, and to treat Lord Jagannatha as God. He said if I did what he told me, I would become “fully liberated, Krishna conscious and go back to Godhead in this very lifetime.”
I still have the paper I scribbled exactly what he told me as soon as I left the room. From that day onward, no one ever questioned the fact I was the caretaker of these deities. In every temple I lived They were on the altar, except for the Henry Street temple They were in Tulsi devi’s room.
They were on the altar at such temples as Tokyo, Manilla, the old New Vrindavana farm, Bahulaban New Vrindavana, the Gerard Street Toronto temple, Cleveland, Chicago, Dallas, Calcutta, Bombay (the original temple), Hyderabad, and Detroit.
Presently, They are in my temple apartment. Now I’m trying to follow Srila Prabhupada’s instructions “don’t divert your mind” and to be a better devotee and human being.
Srila Prabhupada gave different instructions to different devotees. He fulfilled my desire by saying “Make Lord Jagannatha your husband.” What this meant to me is not to be a queen in Dwaraka married to Krishna, or even to personally associate with Krishna. To me it meant to make Krishna the most beloved. I simply pray to be the servant of pure devotees and take shelter of the Holy Name.
Thank you Srila Prabhupada, and thank you Lord Jagannatha, Subhadra and Lord Balarama for staying with me through the ups and downs of trying to be a devotee. All glories to the most merciful Guru Srila Prabhupada and the Supreme Personality of Godhead.
This is only one example of the mercy and kindness of Srila Prabhupada, that even one such as myself, born in a mleccha family, could even get such instruction.
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