Q: U performed so many austerities in ur life. It was v peak time in our movement. Many times we feel frustrated while practicing spiritual lives. Did u never considered leaving KC?
Ans: I don’t remember even once consider leaving. I accepted “ I have to surrender”, nothing else. I understood from SP books that if we are not submissive, we cannot make proper spiritual advancement. So I was trying to be totally submissive. In those days, for 2 yrs atleast, I am not even getting 2-3 hrs sleep a day. I was doing night kirtan and head pujari at brahmachari ashram. Walk up and down the mountain, raise deities, offer bhoga, offer arati, dress deities. I would do all offerings and aratis. B/w offerings and aratis I would sleep for 15 mins and then jump up, bathe…(laugh) “I was not advanced Devotee or anything, I am just trying to do my service”… I don’t remember even once when I considered leaving. I just thought how fortunate I am to have some service. Of course, if I were like u, skillful successful person, I might have considered… but I realized I am totally useless, I might as well stay here and do my service. Krishna’s benediction on me that he made me such a useless fool. Fact is, if we don’t think we are useless fools, Maya will steal us away. We must always think that we are useless fools, then we always will be submissive and be ready to do anything.
- HH Radhanath Swami
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