Blog

Whenever we are faced with any problem, we usually hear from our masters the single solution- “Just keep chanting.” I tried following this instruction and it absolutely didn’t work. One day, I got fed up with my fruitless chanting process and decided to jump from 1 round to directly 16 rounds. I was motivated. And with all enthusiasm, I started the rounds. At the end of 8 rounds, I felt great agony for Krsna and lost faith in Him. After the experience, I simply stopped chanting. Want to know what went wrong?

One, I speak with a lisp; instead of saying “Krsna Krsna Hare Hare”, I say “Keesshna Keesshna Hare Hare”. No doubt I hate to listen myself chant. I thought this might be the reason that my chanting didn’t give good results. So this time, I focused only on my pronunciation while chanting. Two, I let loose the horses of my mind that ran in various directions, mostly leading to negative thoughts. On top of that, instead of focusing on Krsna and His love to make those thoughts go away, I focused on my self and my lips that couldn’t roll an “R” in “Krsna”. Three, I was chanting with a selfish motive of accomplishing the 16 rounds. Throughout the time I was chanting, I was foreseeing the moment when I would tell my god-sister “You know what? I chanted SIXTEEN rounds today!” I filled myself up with pride over an undone accomplishment. And four, my thought process during the chanting was that it was I who was obliging Krsna by pleasing Him by speaking His holy names.

At the end of 8 rounds, I was completely exhausted. I almost threw my bead bag away and fell on the bed. My throat dried up and I couldn’t speak. My face remained distorted in disgust and my mind was filled with anger for the Supreme Lord. For the next few days, I felt extremely averse to the chanting process and hated even the thought of it! Slowly, I lost the feelings of love and surrender to Krsna

But Krsna is so merciful that He didn’t let the Krsna Consciousness out of my mind. So I understood that I was doing something very wrong but I couldn’t help the feeling of frustration within my heart. I wanted to feel the love for Krsna and the transcendental bliss again, and to gain that back, I tried everything- hearing, reading, associating with devotees, serving Lord by giving charity, offering food to Krsna, developing an attitude of surrender … and even chanting! But nothing worked. I cried my heart out and within my heart I fell prostrate on the ground in front of Krsna and every devotee I knew to beg for their mercy to free me of my helplessness.

But I was determined to find my way back. So I sat down, took a deep breath and held the bead necklace in my hand. I chanted once the mahamantra. I stopped. I didn’t want to commit any mistakes this time. So I started thinking about the lotus feet of Krsna and how I want to live only to please Him. I focused…and focused… and focused… only on Krsna’s sweetness. Guess what? At the end of it, I was feeling so happy! I rejoiced that I had now found my way back to the Almighty.

This is the lesson I learnt: No matter how much we chant, if it is not in the right attitude, it is worse than not chanting at all!