n the memories of Srila Prabhupad By Tejiyas Prabhu whereSrila Prabhupada brought this point (Karmic Reactions - Apararabdha, Kuta,Bbija and Prarabdha) into a real life situation to Tejiyas Prabhu.
Bear in mind this is a draft and I am certain that I am not even to be considered a devotee.
Srila Prabhupad is coming to Delhi for the first time since the Vrindaban devotees factions attempted to overthrow me as temple president. I have discovered that I have actually developed quite a talent, by Srila Prabhupad's special grace, at dealing with top level personalities. I know it is by following his order only that I have been successful. Yet despite my desire to improve I still remain almost entirely inadequate at dealing with devotees who have problems with their minds and emotions.
Srila Prabhupad expects so much of me, i.etc. In every way I am inadequate to the task, etci.
So I decide once again to trouble him and discuss with him my never ending anxieties in doing my service to Krishna.
Srila Prabhupad is coming to Delhi for the first time since the Vrindaban devotees factions attempted to overthrow me as temple president. I have discovered that I have actually developed quite a talent, by Srila Prabhupad's special grace, at dealing with top level personalities. I know it is by following his order only that I have been successful. Yet despite my desire to improve I still remain almost entirely inadequate at dealing with devotees who have problems with their minds and emotions.
Srila Prabhupad expects so much of me, i.etc. In every way I am inadequate to the task, etci.
So I decide once again to trouble him and discuss with him my never ending anxieties in doing my service to Krishna.
Today Srila Prabhupad is sitting on the roof and while a bucket of water is in the sun getting warmed for his bath, his servant, Sruta Kirti Prabhu, is giving him a mustard oil massage. It is always a great opportunity to sit near him, although by now I have done this hundreds of time. Srila Prabhupad's eyes are closed and the sun is behind him and to the right. I sit slightly to his left side in front of him, silently. Then he speaks some words about the programs and preaching. I take my chance and ask permission
"Srila Prabhupad no matter what I do I find that my devotional service is inadequate and there are so many faults. In this way I am always in anxiety. In addition I am worried because in the Gita the Lord expresses "brahma bhuta prasantmaina socati na kamsati" that being in anxiety is a symptom that my service is not properly done".
Srila Prabhupad opens his eyes and studies me with a steady but gentle gaze. His eyes are fixed on me.
I feel shy and a bit ashamed; here is this immensely amazing devotee, the great Acharya of Krishna consciousness and he gives me free access to talk to him anytime I want to. He has asked me to do things of fairly great importance to himself and the movement and he depends upon me for the results. When I look at my performance I feel I often, almost always let him down. And again, now, I am troubling him and taking his valuable time discussing with him this persistent anxiety I experience in my mind.
Srila Prabhupad opens his eyes and studies me with a steady but gentle gaze. His eyes are fixed on me.
I feel shy and a bit ashamed; here is this immensely amazing devotee, the great Acharya of Krishna consciousness and he gives me free access to talk to him anytime I want to. He has asked me to do things of fairly great importance to himself and the movement and he depends upon me for the results. When I look at my performance I feel I often, almost always let him down. And again, now, I am troubling him and taking his valuable time discussing with him this persistent anxiety I experience in my mind.
"Just like mother Yasoda, she is always in anxiety worrying when a great whirlwind demon will come and steal her son, so similarly your anxieties are in relationship to Krishna and therefore they are transcendental".
I am astounded once again. Srila Prabhupad not only takes the positive out of the situation but compares my anxiety to Mother Yasoda. Who am I to be compared with the greatest devotee of all? And my anxieties they are just mundane leftovers from my material conditioning. He has done this more than once before, as we remember, taking a view towards me that I am some kind of devotee, on the transcendental platform, even once calling me pure and antiseptic. I know it for sure that I am a most ordinary and mundane person without any devotion.
I am incompetent in so many ways. Now his humility is humbling to me and I can just sit, allow his words to enter my mind and heart and be obedient in front of him. He is always seeing things in connection with Krishna and though in no way do I deserve either the comparison or conclusion still I try to scoop his affectionate and spiritual loving words into my heart as a kind of prasadam to inspire me even more to engage in devotional service.
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