How to Nurture Healthy Relationships?

Human beings are inherently by nature, social entities, who are designed in a fashion where we crave attention, love, care, physical and emotional bonding. We have this deep desire to associate with people and form relationships. It could be as a parent, a son, a daughter, a sibling, a friend, a lover, a spouse, a guardian or a student. Relationships can be defined as intangible assets which fulfill the deepest needs of the heart. Material possessions cannot fill that vacuum. We may have a house, good clothes, accessories, electronic gadgets etc., but those things cannot in any way give fulfillment to the heart – it can only temporarily satisfy the mind and senses. What gives fulfillment to the heart is satisfying and healthy relationships.

When relationships are superficial or not working at par with our expectations, life gets disturbed, we become irritable, frustrated and depressed. At such times, people take shelter of non-living things such as money, objects and intoxication, or even relationships with animals like having pets. Our propensity is to love and we need to place it somewhere.

In this world, relationships are based on the mental and physical platform, which are temporary, and people are misguided to develop relationships based on the selfish ego of “What can I get from this person?” Relationships are difficult because we invest our heart in them and therefore we are vulnerable to have our heart broken – vulnerable and subject to the deepest pain.

In order to deal with that vulnerability, some philosophers have come up with a speculative theory— that all relationships are maya, just an illusion. There is no more love and no more facilities of love, just simple existence. But, that explanation does not fulfill the essential need for every living heart — the need for loving relationships. Because relationships give the greatest pleasure in good times and they also give the greatest pain at their challenging phases.

The only medium through which relationships truly effectively manifest and thrive, is devotion. Devotion exhibits that relationships on the platform of integrity garner the highest fulfillment and are not subject to the vulnerabilities of this illusory plane. We are all eternal souls, parts of God, and our relationships with God are perennial. Ingrained within every soul’s relationship with God is the pure and perfect relationship between that soul and all other living beings. When we develop our relationships in reference to the love that is within us for God, and we share our love for God with each other and for each other in reference to the integrity or truth, then these relationships are ultimately fulfilling.

When our relationships are based on real spiritual values and principles, then we are developing relationships with others keeping in mind our original constitutional position, remembering who we really are – children of God, parts of God, spiritual souls. And on that level, we can tolerate and forgive, and in doing so, our relationships and the affection we share become greater and greater as time evolves. Often we would have to endure tough tests but the key lies in successfully passing those trials and tribulations. For real relationships to have meaning and substance, we must understand what is the meaning and substance of love. Love is not being self centered, but love is being selfless. It is the willingness to make sacrifices for the object of our love. And when we share that spirit amongst each other there is no power within the world that can disturb our relationships.

For a relationship to be real and strong we have to have a common goal and remain focussed. We have to focus on making the priority of our relationship that higher principle, not the temporary superficial reasons. We are all here to help each other love God, that should be our mutual goal. Therefore, we need to dive deep, below the surface of our emotions, mind, and senses to the essence of life. Once we fathom the depth of the value of devotion, the value of service attitude, the value of humility, the value of tolerance and forgiveness, the value of unadulterated pure love, we would easily be able to initiate, develop, nurture and sustain eternally satisfying and fulfilling relationships.

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