I would like to offer this class to my very dear friend and Godbrother, Caru Dāsa Prabhu, who is one of the great pioneers of the saṅkīrtana movement. I always told him that if he wasn’t doing what he was doing—spreading Kṛṣṇa consciousness in such innovative ways—he should have been the president of the country. He always reminded me of a president or a very highly placed senator; he was astoundingly articulate. Just listening to him was always a feast for the ears.
He started a radio station way before social media or mass communication was available. When people were still sending snail mail, he had a bustling radio station where he was regularly putting out Kṛṣṇa Conscious information. He went off to Utah—it’s a Mormon state—and made friends with all the Mormons. They love him there; everybody likes him wherever he goes. He started beautiful temples that his wife, Vaibhavī, designed herself. Both of them are highly skilled.
Anyway, I’ve been really conflicted because, hearing that he passed—I guess we heard about it on Tuesday night. On one side, I can just see the momentum he had in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Externally, I didn’t lament at all because I thought, “Well, of course, he was about 80 years old, and he just stepped out, moved on and obviously, he had a completely successful life from my perspective and the way I saw Prabhupāda talk about Jayānanda Prabhu, who passed away just before Prabhupāda.” So, we had some vision about how Prabhupāda would observe devotees leaving the world, and he wrote about it.
On the other side, I noticed I’ve been mourning very deeply. There is psychological adjustment for me happened after Badrīnārāyaṇa Mahārāja left, and after Caru Prabhu left. I’ve been having really intense dreams. I realized that after Badrīnārāyaṇa Mahārāja left, I was imagining what it would be like to have died. I actually put myself in the position of: ‘Okay, I already passed away and I came back into the life I’m in now, and I’m watching myself.’ I could just feel that it was a mourning process.
It’s one of the hardest things to cope with, and that is the loss of God siblings. We lose mothers, fathers, and so forth, but many of us—at least for me—I have known my Godbrothers and Godsisters longer than I knew my parents for. It is the hardest thing, but it’s also part of the maturing process in Krishna consciousness to lose parents and loved ones, and then cope, tolerate, and be observant of how Krishna tells us to process such things, and watch how Prabhupāda did it also.
Then, of course, when you start losing beloved Godbrothers, reality shifts. Once again, there’s another way of processing everything; taking shelter of the Holy Name and the śāstra becomes more urgent. It’s always urgent, but it seems more urgent in those cases.
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